How do you guys feel about having kids?

[tiger_hoods12]

Hey, guys? Not sure if this topic already exists, but I am just curious on what your guys’ thoughts are on having kids of your own. Whether with a partner/queer platonic relationship or by yourself, is it something that you guys think about? In this society, there is a lot of pressure to have kids. Do you guys ever feel this pressure? I also feel like a lot of people assume aromantic spectrum people just don’t want or can’t have kids because they are not with someone. Do you guys genuinely want kids or not? I, purely, just want to know your guys’ thoughts on this in general. 

[Spoodz]

I feel like it’d be cool having a mini me however I’m not sure I’d be able to cope with the stress of having a child. 

[Ekaterina]

40 minutes ago, Spoodz said:

I feel like it’d be cool having a mini me however I’m not sure I’d be able to cope with the stress of having a child. 

A child isn't a mini you though, they are their own person, which is important to understand - like half of types of unhealthy parenting are based on projecting onto the child instead of trying to understand their real feelings, or forcing them to have same interests as you do or forcing them to do things you didn't succeed in as if they were your second life. One should be really careful not to do that. 

As for me, I at this point am not capable to take fully proper care even of myself and struggle with responsibilities as it is, so definitely not ready for children now. But one day when I'm more capable, maybe I'd consider it (mostly adoption because I'm really not sure about my physical condition to give birth, and also I don't think I would ever want a sex partner) 

[Spoodz]

3 minutes ago, Ekaterina said:

A child isn't a mini you though, they are their own person, which is important to understand - like half of types of unhealthy parenting are based on projecting onto the child instead of trying to understand their real feelings, or forcing them to have same interests as you do or forcing them to do things you didn't succeed in as if they were your second life. One should be really careful not to do that. 

Nono don’t worry I don’t think like that or anything!! I just meant a little person that comes from me rather than a mini me. I wouldn’t try to project anything onto a child and ofc I know they have their own mind. Sorry for the misunderstanding 

[Mult]

I do not want kids ever. I don't have the patience for them and will only tolerate them in short bursts. The idea of pregnancy disgusts me to the point of body horror as well. 

[Raven-in-daylight]

At the wise old age of 19, i sure as hell know i’m not in a condition to take care of a child yet. i’m unsure about the idea of having a child myself (mostly because the steps to get there are… uncompromising), but i have at times toyed with the idea of adopting. but it’s still far out, so i haven’t put much thought to it, yet

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I love kids, but with the current state of things, I think bringing one into this world is too cruel of an act for me to commit. Plus I’ve got other things I want to do with my life. I’ll happily babysit, but actual parenthood just isn’t for me. 

[alto]

I have a friend who is 21 (I'm 29) who acts a lot like a little kid.  A while back, they asked me to be their "mommy".  I said yes, and it is one of the best decisions I ever made.  I am not sure I'm up for an actual baby tho.  That sounds too intense for me.

[batbath]

I've known that I don't want kids since I was about 16. Still feel the same way now at 21. Occasionally, I've thought about maybe adopting, but kids are expensive, not to mention the emotional bandwidth you have to have to raise a kid & raise them right.

[tiger_hoods12]

Okay, for me, personally, I have always been the type of person that would be okay/happy with or without kids in my life. I can envision myself being both types of people. As a kid, I always thought that the thing that would determine which lane I would choose would be my future partner. I’d ask them how they felt about having kids. If it was a yes, then we would have kids. If it was a no, then we wouldn’t and we’d be just fine. But then I found out I was greyromantic and the chances of finding a partner, let alone marriage is very unlikely for me. The thoughts I have around having kids are still the same. Sometime there are days where I want kids, and then other times I’m like, no thanks. I still have time to decide, so it’s not really freaking me out, the thought had just popped up in my mind. Whatever I decide in the near future or however I feel will determine it.

[Qiri]

Personally, no kids for me. I've felt pressure from some family members and society to have them, but I never wanted them. 

No hate or judgement on anyone who does want kids, but for me, I'm okay without them. 

[SkyTuneRein]

No thank you, I'd rather have dried raspberries.

[Lilac]

When it comes to kids, I am still really young so i can’t know whether I will want them in the future or not.

but my guess is that I will still not want any, they are painful, expensive and tiring.

not to mention I am ace, which could complicate matters haha.

[ravigirl]

I am definitely not planning on having kids. If I did, it would only be because my partner wanted kids, but granted I do not have a partner either. It’s definitely a possibility that might come up because I would like to have a partner, and a lot of people do want kids eventually. That being said, I would not want to give birth to a child myself. If I was to have a child, it would be either adoption or fostering. But again, I’m not really very hyped on the idea. I have siblings that are a lot younger than me and I partly know the stress that comes with small children, and I just wouldn’t want to deal with it.

[TrueEvergreen]

For me, I don't think there is really a benefit for me having kids

For one, I do not trust myself to take care of another human properly, and I also don't have any desire to do so. Also it would be a huge pressure financially and cut into a lot of time to pursue passions and work. 

 

[Guest]

Nope, I’d rather a pet than a human infant or toddler. And I’ve never even had any pet, so I’m inexperienced, but even so, I find raising an animal easier than raising a human. Animals just need survival, but humans need compulsory mandated civilized integration on top of just survival.

[kira-]

no. i’ll probably end up as the cool aunt/uncle. i do plan on having between 1 and 4 cats or a snake though.

[Ray0May0]

On 8/8/2024 at 3:52 AM, Spoodz said:

I feel like it’d be cool having a mini me however I’m not sure I’d be able to cope with the stress of having a child. 

Very relatable, it takes a lot of responsibility and self-work to be able to manage the child, handle their emotions, and be able to provide enough food for them, WHILE also being able to take care of yourself. I'm not even an adult yet.. (3 years, 5 years if 20), but I personally just always say no to the thought of kids, my family thinks in 5 years I'm gonna have a lot of kids, BLAHH it really disgusts me too because why.. and ew I just want a pet snake and be able to live with my  2 closest friends that's it. 😭 I don't know why society has this.. life expectation that you should have a family and kids in your 20s. because IF ANYTHING humans don't need to produce so much, there's already so many people in the world, so many there are not enough resources to count.

Edited September 25, 2024 by Ray0May0

[the.pea.and.the.sun]

meeting people my age with kids is always kind of crazy to me, i absolutely can't imagine having kids at my age. but sometimes i do like the idea of being a parents in like, the very very far future, like when im about twice the age i am now.

[Zozz]

id love to have kids in the future, but adopted

[Armored frog]

I definitely think i want kids in the future! 

I think the whole experience sounds amazing, from small annoying babies, to toddlers, teenagers and whatnot

But it is very much something in the far future
To everyone else who think about having kids, would you prefer to raise them alone yourself, or together with a friend, queer-platonic partner, or get help from family member, i have been thinking a bit about this myself and i honestly dont know what i would prefer.

being a single-parent sounds like a lot of work, especially when you want to focus on a career as well, but im not sure id ever want to be in a QPR

Edited Monday at 07:26 PM by Armored frog

[Poikilos]

I don't really want kids.

I could theoretically have non-biological kids if I was in a QPR, but that's never going to happen. Plus, I don't want to raise children in the country that I live in. The cost, medical care, time put in and responsibility over a human life is overwhelming to me.

I have pets that I love dearly, and that's more than enough for me.

[An Aro Passes Bi]

Nah. It always sounded like way too much work (and money) for me. 

[Orion_Smith]

NO!

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

I have entertained the idea of kids multiple times before, usually in the adoptive sense and on rare occasions the physical sense, but I tend to come to the same conclusion that I don't truly want any. I wouldn't want to bring a kid into this world right now anyway if I wanted to, or possibly ever depending on how long my country is affected by a lot of bullshit that's going on, and plus I'm only 20 years old as of writing this and I think it would be too much for me to suddenly have a kid to look after at this age.

I would love to be the cool auncle to kids my siblings may have later in life, but they too have expressed either disinterest in having children or concerns of bringing them about in our country.