Why am I scared around pretty people??

[Anonymous]

So I’m fairly sure I’m aro spec (still figuring it out) but I notice I get really nervous when I’m around someone I’m aesthetically attracted to, and even more nervous when they talk to me/message me. However I don’t actively WANT a romantic relationship with people I find pretty. I also get really nervous if I start fantasising about a romantic relationship with someone like that. Just wondering if it’s normal to get nervous around someone you find pretty if you don’t feel like you’d want a romantic relationship with them. 

[tiger_hoods12]

Oh, dude, I feel this with my current crush. I’m greyromantic, but before I met my crush, I strongly identified are ace/aro, but then we met and I realized I had a strong emotional and aesthetic attraction towards him. I remember feeling so mad and confused over how he made me feel. That was a couple years ago, but even now, I still go to the same school as him, and I still find him aesthetically attractive which causes me to still get pretty nervous around him. Like you, I also am not actively looking for a romantic relationship, but this guy has got me fantasizing over him and picturing us in a relationship together. I hate it sometimes and it doesn’t make any sense to me. But yeah, I would say it’s relatively normal to get nervous around someone you view as pretty but not want anything to do with them romantically speaking. Everyone’s different and orientations are complex, but just know that your feeling are valid. 

Edited August 5 by tiger_hoods12

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, tiger_hoods12 said:

Oh, dude, I feel this with my current crush. I’m greyromantic, but before I met my crush, I strongly identified are ace/aro, but then we met and I realized I had a strong emotional and aesthetic attraction towards him. I remember feeling so mad and confused over how he made me feel. That was a couple years ago, but even now, I still go to the same school as him, and I still find him aesthetically attractive which causes me to still get pretty nervous around him. Like you, I also am not actively looking for a romantic relationship, but this guy has got me fantasizing over him and picturing us in a relationship together. I hate it sometimes and it doesn’t make any sense to me. But yeah, I would say it’s relatively normal to get nervous around someone you view as pretty but not want anything to do with them romantically speaking. Everyone’s different and orientations are complex, but just know that your feeling are valid. 

Exactly how I feel!! I don’t want a relationship with the person I just find them pretty! Maybe it’s just random squishes I’m getting and I’m nervous cause I just wanna be their friend and hang out with them??

[Qiri]

I think if it's someone you want get closer to for whatever reason (not necessarily romantic even), you could feel nervous around them because there's a part of you that wants to make a good impression. And the nervousness may stem from that as opposed to any romantic feelings.

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, Qiri said:

I think if it's someone you want get closer to for whatever reason (not necessarily romantic even), you could feel nervous around them because there's a part of you that wants to make a good impression. And the nervousness may stem from that as opposed to any romantic feelings.

Ohhhhh that makes sense!! I definitely think it’s a combination of that and just general anxiety around new people (I’m VERY autistic)