accepting myself?

[Guest lilac]

hi there! i posted in these anons about if i may be aro and someone responded with the possibility of me being lithomantic which like WOAH it just clicked. i did research on that identity and i realized, that’s totally me. 

now here comes my question; how do i tell my current partner? 

i feel so bad about even questioning my identity like this since i’m in a committed relationship (not for long, we literally just began seeing eachother) and this entire time i’ve been saying that i care about them and love them (i know it’s bad but i just felt like i was supposed to say those things back to them) i’m so afraid that they would take this the wrong way and hate me. how does one go about telling someone they are dating that they are aromantic/on the aro spectrum? specifically how to word it so it’s not “i didn’t actually like you, sorry bye” 

i guess a follow up question would be, since i JUST figured out this may be my identity should i just keep it to myself and just see if i actually am litho? 

any answers and advice are welcome. thank you! this website makes me feel less alone. 

[Ekaterina]

What does your partner know about what aromanticism is in general? That also affects how much explaining you'd need to do. 

You want to preserve this relationship, do I understand right? Do you want to keep it romantic (some aros do) or try to make it platonic or queerplatonic? First of all think about what your real feelings are. The next step depends on it. 

If you do find this relationship and this person special for you but aren't comfortable with romance, then explain them that you love them but in a different way (tell them what specially is the nature of your feelings, what do you like about them, what things you are comfortable with and what you aren't). Ask them if they are comfortable with a non-romantic special bond with you (if it's what you want); try to get them understand that it isn't a "lesser" thing. Then you two can try figuring stuff out together.