Are you afraid of people loving you?

[Guest]

On 8/17/2024 at 7:13 AM, SkyTuneRein said:

Afraid? No, not really.

Suspicious? Maybe.

Yes, this! There’s nothing to be afraid of unless they become a creepy stalker over it.

But I’ve had several platonic friendships gradually end after they confess a crush to me, admit they seriously love me romantically, and all times I just rejected them honestly with the reason of being aro. They researched it and understood it.

But then their very strong alloromantic feelings wishing I’d reciprocate it…well I can’t cuz I’m aro! Just because they understand it from reading others’ testimonies isn’t the same as experiencing my rejection of indifference to their confession.

Then we stayed friends for as long as possible until something unrelated but valid, happened to break the friendship. That person suddenly became rude as in seriously rude, not jokingly rude, and as they were being honest about being sad about the consequences of their rude behavior, of course I said I don’t like that behavior and how it’s unacceptable and rude.

To make it worse, they uncharacteristically turned rude AFTER they confessed their love. The rude behaviors I was appalled with includes but not limited to suddenly being demanding that we talk more often, and then getting mad if I don’t talk often. We have our own lives and aren’t available 24/7, why are they acting demandingly about it, how suspicious! A few of them even had wilder changes, such as the opposite sex people suddenly expressing incel-adjacent thoughts (dictating outdated gender roles like we’re not supposed to be friends but you know where this is going, or suddenly starting to use incel vocabulary), and both opposite and same-sex people suddenly being overtly interested in the allosexual part of me. Obviously they know better that romance and sex are 2 separate things, but them wanting to take advantage of my allosexuality is pretty creepy and demanding, they still want a chance to be together with me no matter what.

And then they changed the topic to so do you hate the person now? I still said I hate the rude behaviors I hate, not the person, unless the person was willing to understand why their behavior is problematic, but they didn’t see a problem with their rude behavior so as a consequence I don’t like the person anymore. And of course, them being allo AND having a crush on me, they had to lament the way it could’ve been perfect but now everything’s gone, it used to be a both-ways platonic relationship on top of this one-sided crush, and their own unappealing rude behaviors ended a lot of platonic relationships. Since I ditched them for being rude, they can cry over their aro crush ditching them even for an unrelated but valid reason. Their alloromantic pain is their business to soothe, not mine, not even ex-mutuals, but their business. Not being mean, it’s just life, sorry you fell for an aro and then you gradually acted rude after my rejection, despite best efforts to maintain the platonic relationship.

Thank goodness none of them ever thought of being a creepy stalker to me, they know better than to risk getting caught and further complicate their issue of not being able to move on from rejection. Not just to me but also for their own good.

[kira-]

no. i’ve definitely had my fair share of “creepy stalkers” though.

On 8/16/2024 at 6:13 PM, SkyTuneRein said:

Afraid? No, not really.

Suspicious? Maybe.

basically this

[Noelle5]

I’m not constantly afraid but I would be afraid and uncomfortable if someone said that they had a crush on me because I don’t want to say no and make them feel bad but I also don’t want to say yes and get myself into a relationship.

[SpinAndSandy]

im a cupio-aegoromantic aegosexual so like. I feel it in theory but when I'm with people it's like. nah I'm good bro I'd rather just be your friend, and kind of get uncomfortable because I don't feel that back and also it's kind of weird for some reason. - Spin 🐈‍⬛ (ze/zey/they/meow)

[catparent7092]

Less afraid, and moreso concerned about what they believe me to be, and what they're expecting out of any interaction with me. 

My instinctual response is "Why are you attracted to me?", and if the answer is too simplistic like "you're nice" or something along the lines of that, then I try redirecting to other people. 

I do what I can to filter any potential romantic attraction by making people think about healthy behaviors and strong reasons to start relationships, so I feel like I am doing something worthwhile in society. The only partner I've ever had a long lasting relationship with insisted time and time again to hang out with me after multiple of my  filter interactions, and at that point that means they're fine with the way I roll. lol

[E_Vinc]

Personally, I'm really nervous at the thought of people forming romantic feelings for me. The bad thing about that, is that a lot of my friends love making jokes about being attracted to me and, although I know it's only jokes, I kinda get paranoid when they keep joking about it lmao. For acquaintances, I also get nervous, but I'm so awkward I feel like I have nothing to worry about XD. I know it would be very awkward to deal with rejecting them and I know some people can be mean about it, so 'afraid' is a big word, but I am definetly nervous.

[Izabella]

I REALLY REALLY hope that no one will ever have any romantic attraction to me. As far as I am concerned nobody has liked me and I hope it stays like that. 

[frutiger aro]

thankfully i don't have a lot of personal experience with this . i've only ever gotten asked out once a few years ago back in college and it still makes me cringe when i think back on it, like i mean no offense to this particular guy but just the thought that there are really people out there who would think about and pursue me in that way honestly gives me the creeps. even the occasional stranger checking me out while i'm out shopping or whatever makes me want to run and hide lmao (though thankfully even this is rare).

i think what scares me the most about it is the fact that there are some real sickos out there who don't take no for an answer. thankfully i've yet to encounter anyone like that myself but it's a major fear of mine.