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Saber_Wing

"Selfish."

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I was just thinking about how society always tells you you're selfish unless you're doing something for somebody else. My sister in law's grandmother just had a heart attack and stroke, and while I've let her know I'm here for her to talk to if she needs it, she also asked me to come to a party she's doing with her for moral support (she's a pure romance consultant. I told her no. I don't want to go, this is the first day off I've had in two weeks, and my sister and I already had plans anyway.) My best friend ended up going instead. We live together. She's the type that drops everything at a moment's notice, and she always thinks I'm selfish if I'm not doing something at the expense of my own self-care, if someone has something bad happen to them. It doesn't mean *I don't empathize what she's going through, or that I'm not there for her, it just means I shouldn't have to be guilted into a party I don't wanna go to because of it. It just sucks to have someone I trust think that way about me, even though I know we're going to disagree about some things. 

 

I'm just ranting I suppose, I just think it's ridiculous that taking care of yourself as well as others is so demonized. That's the reason it has been so hard for me to overcome it my whole life. It's good to be there for people, but I have to be there for me too.

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I'm sorry that happened to you! I also hope your sister-in-law's grandmother is doing well.

 

I know how you feel. It has taken me years to learn (ultimately the hard way) that I can't fix people's problems, and that trying to help people without taking care of myself will only cause more pain. Sometimes I still struggle with it.

 

I hope everything clears up with you and your friend. There's nothing wrong with needing to take care of yourself!

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That's not cool of her. You're under no obligation to do something you don't want to. I don't think it's wrong, bad, or selfish just because you're not doing something for someone else.

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Sort of unrelated but a bad man told me today I'd done something selfish even though it was a fucking mistake I tried to rectify. It is the absolute worst when someone calls looking out for yourself """"selfish"""" and I still can't fully believe that what he said was uncalled for and mean (which it completely was). I just want to stop thinking about it but that ain't happening anytime soon.

 

On another note we're told at first that the world doesn't revolve around us until we're old enough to worry too much. Put yourself first I guess.

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