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Josie

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Hi! A couple of days ago i realised that im somewhere on the aro-spectrum.Im kinda confused but at the moment I identify as lithro/aro/cupioromantic. Im not really sure which one it is and it might change since this is all so new to me. I just kind of wanted to talk to some people with experience and then I found this place. The aro community seems like such a positive and safe place, I really feel like I'm home haha. So, what I would like to know to help me determine where on the spectrum I am, so if you could like talk about what lables you use and what made you realise that you were on the aro spectrum etc that would be great and really helpful. I dont really know how to phrase myself but yeah haha:)

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Welcome to Arocalypse! It's great to have you here :icecream:

 

I personally identify as aromantic because I've come to realise I don't experience any sort of romantic attraction. That was a pretty recent development, though; before I discovered AVEN (and then came over to Arocalypse when it was founded) I was just sitting around, convinced I'd one day set eyes on my true love and I'd finally get what this romance thing is all about.

 

I hope to see you around the forums! :arolovepapo:

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Hi @Josie!

 

Personally, I go with grey-romantic. At first, I discovered aromanticism through asexuality, but when analyzing my feelings honestly, I realized that I have felt crushes in the past. I feel that these were strong enough to disqualify me as being aromantic. I have no desire to form a romantic bond with anyone, so I feel I am somewhere between aro and romantic.

 

I hope you are able to discover where on the spectrum you land. There are many resources out there to define those three labels, but only you can know by examining your own experiences with full honesty. :icecream:

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Yeah, I feel like I at least have been lithro when I was younger, becasue when I had a crush on someone it would go away when/if they started liking me too. Now I've realised that I only get "crushes" on people I find attractive and that my crushes have nothing to do with romantic attraction, that's what makes me pretty sure I'm aro. I'm not really sure if i actually want a romantic relationship or not though, so I'm not sure if im aro or cupio... I'm not going to stress knowing for sure though, I guess I will find out sooner or later haha.

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Welcome welcome!:icecream:

 

Like @DannyFenton123, I found Arocalypse through AVEN (specifically @Simowl).

 

My "journey of discovery" is as follows: asked a friend about being "broken" and not feeling anything to do with sex. She mentioned demisexuality, which answered a lot of questions but didn't feel right. A week or so later, I found /r/asexuality and /r/aromantic on Reddit (as well as AVEN), and subscribed because I was curious. It turned out that I identified with many of the experiences the people there did, so I began identifying as aro ace.

 

Since then, @aussiekirkland has introduced me to the idea of relationship anarchy (the idea that all kinds of relationships are equally valuable and that a friendship is not lesser than a romantic relationship). 

 

I I hope you come to a decision soon. Good luck!

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Welcome to the place that doesn't care what you are so long as you are comfortable. I'm aromatic personally.:icecream:

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I didn't even know romantic orientations were a thing until a tumblr ace friend posted about them. Being heterosexual, I kind of assumed I was just "straight", end of story. I also thought I was just afraid of "commitment" because every relationship just ended in me feeling trapped and buried while alive. 

 

So when I stumbled upon arospec stuff, it was a "oh, is this a thing? not just an excuse for me being a mess?" moment. I still question it, being quite new myself. But hearing from others who have felt similar is such a relief. Though I'm finding that what makes me greyromantic is more a constellation of things than one thing I can pin down and say "this is why I'm never marrying any person, ever." 

 

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11 minutes ago, LunarSeas said:

I didn't even know romantic orientations were a thing until a tumblr ace friend posted about them. Being heterosexual, I kind of assumed I was just "straight", end of story. I also thought I was just afraid of "commitment" because every relationship just ended in me feeling trapped and buried while alive. 

 

So when I stumbled upon arospec stuff, it was a "oh, is this a thing? not just an excuse for me being a mess?" moment. I still question it, being quite new myself. But hearing from others who have felt similar is such a relief. Though I'm finding that what makes me greyromantic is more a constellation of things than one thing I can pin down and say "this is why I'm never marrying any person, ever." 

 

Yeah, that's why I'm so happy I found this place. When you realise you might not be capable of feeling romantic attraction it's amazing to talk to people who have experience and to hear their storys and such.

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11 minutes ago, LunarSeas said:

I didn't even know romantic orientations were a thing until a tumblr ace friend posted about them. Being heterosexual, I kind of assumed I was just "straight", end of story. I also thought I was just afraid of "commitment" because every relationship just ended in me feeling trapped and buried while alive. 

 

So when I stumbled upon arospec stuff, it was a "oh, is this a thing? not just an excuse for me being a mess?" moment. I still question it, being quite new myself. But hearing from others who have felt similar is such a relief. Though I'm finding that what makes me greyromantic is more a constellation of things than one thing I can pin down and say "this is why I'm never marrying any person, ever." 

 

Yeah same. I can't remember how I came across romantic orientations, but it wasn't at the same time i found I was ace. I'm hoping to do my dissertation on how being queer affects resilience at university. 

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2 hours ago, Josie said:

Yeah, that's why I'm so happy I found this place. When you realise you might not be capable of feeling romantic attraction it's amazing to talk to people who have experience and to hear their storys and such.

Not only is it amazing to talk to others, but it's a great feeling to no longer feel the weight of being broken or stuff on your shoulders!

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I'm also not entirely sure where I am on the spectrum. It has happened that I liked someone, but felt repulsed when they liked me back. But I've also felt sad about rejection before. It makes me wonder how I would've reacted if I hadn't been rejected, would I have actually liked that? It's hard to say, I have no relationship experience. I'm thinking I maybe just like the idea of romance and I like to aesthetically/platonically admire people, but I doubt I actually want a serious romantic relationship.

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Hi there! Welcome. :icecream:

 

I found out I was aro by reading the description for wtfromantic. Before that, I read the descriptions for aromantic and figured it doesn't apply to me because I thought my squishes were actually crushes. I still don't understand the differences between friendship and romantic relationships, but other people perceive them quite clearly... or so it seems. Given the choice, I don't think I would want to have whatever it is that makes them able to seperate them easily.

 

Not really sure if I should go with wtf or aro though. I'm not sure I can figure out the differences between them either. :rofl:

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I also found Arocalypse through AVEN (thanks, @Simowl!) and I really love this community and everyone's ability to keep the space so positive with all the crap happening elsewhere online :P

 

What helped me realise I was aromantic was the distinction between the different types of attraction, and also what I wanted to get out of the relationship with the person I had feelings for.

 

What made me realise I was experiencing platonic (and sensual) attraction was that I could see myself becoming closer with the person physically and emotionally, but I never actually wanted a romantic relationship with them, and the times I tried to force that on myself really didn't go well. Like others here, I felt trapped in a relationship, the "stages" felt like an act and our feelings felt mismatched.

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I learned about aromanticism through the asexual community. I didn't necessarily identify as either yet, but I hadn't really ruled it out either, I was just kind of learning. It wasn't until after a very... long and arduous series of events that I finally "confirmed" that I was in fact aro ace. It's a long story so I won't tell the whole thing here, but basically I came to realize that not having crushes on anyone ever was weird, and that other people actually had crushes a lot and that they felt a lot different than friendship.

 

I was lucky enough to come to terms with that without accidentally getting myself into an unwanted relationship beforehand, so I'm now permanently single and loving it. I just kind of realized that what I felt was strictly platonic in varying degrees of intensity, and that to be honest romance kind of grossed me out!

 

Arocalypse has been a big help in feeling less alone and I hope it works out that way for you too!

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