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I Was Positive I Was Aro and Now...??? (Please Help)


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Hey guys. I haven't been on in a while, and something has come up recently.

I thought I was aro for months and now I have a crush on someone?? And somehow I know it's a crush, I know it's romantic, and I don't know why this is happening. I found out they liked me too and I might ask them out soon?? He's so great and cute and awesome, we have a lot of things in common and I just. I'm so confused about my orientation again and I always do this. I always think I have everything figured out, and then I do a 180. But this was the most figured out I thought I'd ever been, until now.

I was completely romance-repulsed about anything towards myself and went through months of trial and error with dating. We would get together and I would already be thinking about how we could break up, even if we were best friends. But with this person it feels so different.

It's to the point where I don't even identify with aro anymore. Maybe a little? But I was so repulsed and now when I think of doing romantic things with this person, it makes me really happy. And it doesn't feel awkward, it feels like I'm doing what I want and acting on what I feel. I went from no romantic attraction/no desire to act on it, to pretty mildly intense romantic attraction within a day of meeting this person. That's how I know I'm not demiromantic. 

And I'm kind of thinking... maybe I feel romantic attraction but I rarely feel a desire to act on it? Like only with certain people (or person) but that just sounds like most people. Or maybe something else?? I have no idea. I think I might just be panro and pansexual. I just don't understand where all of this came from then. Maybe flux or fluid something? I guess I don't need to label it but if you guys have any ideas to what I might be, please comment down below and I'll research any you send in. Help a girl out D: thanks

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I think that you should forget about labels for now and do what you think will make you happy. It's important to never forget that labels are descriptors not prescriptors. Never feel like you have to go against who you are for the sake of a label. 

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It's OK to be confused. Just don't cling to the aromantic label too hard. Let your feelings and actions guide which label applies to you, not the other way around.

 

It's quite possible that you are a romantic person and that this is just the first time you've felt romantic attraction. I too have felt crushes, but no desire to pursue and/or stay in romantic relationships. That may be the same for you, and the feelings you have now will wear off. Or, maybe you'll develop a healthy romantic relationship with this man. Who can really say now?

 

If you're still after a label, then greyromantic might work for you. It is somewhere between absolute zero romantic feelings and the intensity of romantic feelings an average person feels.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A lot of my emotions concerning other people actually stem from overwhelming aesthetic attraction (which I do feel absolutely overpoweringly when I see someone I consider truly aesthetically attractive...which in my life has been a rare handful of people in 40 years) and it is certainly not anything romantic.  If I take a step back from the object and tell myself I am most likely NOT like this person (as chances are good this person is either alloromantic or allosexual) I can then feel that supposed "attachment" fading away and things settle down to where they really belong.

 

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