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SoulWolf

Explaining the value of friendship to family members (and some ranting)

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When I was 8, one of my neighbours who was in the same class would always come to my house to play with me. The thing is that I was a very intellectual and precious kid, and this guy was the stupidest most disgusting kid of the class (I have nothing against people with less friends, but when they look, act, and think like crap, I have absolutely no desire to have any interactions with them).  I kept telling my mother to pretend like I was out, but she would invite him anyway because "you never invite anyone here and you never go out to see your friends, and he lives near, you should become friend with him instead of being so solitary all the time!"

 

I could not explain to her what real friendship means since, at the time, it seemed totally useless anyway. Why should I talk to others when I can create an infinity of worlds and mystic creatures in my own mind? Why should I play with a ball with other kids when I can just look at the couds? That's the kind of kid I was. The fact that my mother mixed friends and acquaintances probably didn't help either, because I had nothing in common with most of these "friends".

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This year is probably the first time in my life where I've felt like I've had real friends. I say real friends because everyone at school who called me a friend was incredibly fake. I feel like most people I know don't understand the difference between friends and aquantences.

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I never needed to explain it. My father has always known how much I value friendship, and told me it's unhealthy 9_9

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7 hours ago, Rising Sun said:

I never needed to explain it. My father has always known how much I value friendship, and told me it's unhealthy 9_9

:facepalm:

Sense, it makes not.

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I've always had an issue with someone calling anyone I happen to be with a friend, as in "does your friend want to...". To me, a friend is someone who I can open up with an be myself with, not someone I simply hang out with. 

My mum describes me as having "very intense" friendships, while I just term them as friendships. I see anything less than that as an acquaintance or a colleague (I tend not to socialise at work or with the majority of my classmates). 

 

However, my parents see things differently. Specifically, because my best friend is in another country, I tend to spend a lot of time with them on Skype, which my mum sees as a romantic thing (because why else would I Skype someone for 6 hours on a Friday night?).  However, she fails to take  into account that we can't go see a film in person and stuff because of the 3800 mile gap between us. 

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On 8/9/2016 at 10:33 PM, SoulWolf said:

And the one time when they were back in town to visit, she stayed with mostlus for a whole week. That was a whole week where I didn't get to do anything I wanted to do, because we always did the things we could actually do together. I had no time to just relax. I was actually glad when she finally went home. :(

Not having any time to yourself is the worst! Granted, guests are kinda the priority when you have guests, but that doesn't mean they get the choices 100% of the time. The way I see it, friends take into account the needs and wants of everyone, even if they're the guest. When I went to stay with my friend, we made sure to spend the evenings quietly recuperating from the day, and the day doing things we both wanted to do. Everything was a request to each other and nothing was forced.

 

On 8/9/2016 at 10:33 PM, SoulWolf said:

I didn't have "friends my age". I desperately wanted to have friends, but didn't really 'connect' with other people or relate to them in any way, or if I did, it was just kind of brief or didn't really get anywhere.

I'm the same. I have some friends who are around my age, but my best friend is 14 years older than me, and I've always associated with people older than me. That may be that most of the people my age at school bullied me, so... Now, I tend to find that I keep my coworkers as my coworkers and my coursemates my coursemates, things like that.

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17 minutes ago, SoulWolf said:

The weirder I got, the more fun we had, and it turns out she likes my kind of weird... so I think just being your most hidden self right from the start might actually save you a lot of trouble

I'm that with my bestie. We are the same person! Being yourself is so much less exhausting than being someone else!

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On 13 September 2016 at 5:14 AM, SoulWolf said:

I can kinda relate to this though. Last year I felt almost the same, I'd given up on humanity and didn't think I'd ever find decent friends. Then I found one hiding in plain sight... and I actually decided to just be my normal inappropriate self right from the start, not even trying to behave like a normal person. The weirder I got, the more fun we had, and it turns out she likes my kind of weird... so I think just being your most hidden self right from the start might actually save you a lot of trouble. Scare off all the incompatible people earlier, and be more noticeable for the compatible ones... in theory.

This happened to me last year too, so I decided to be unapologetically me going into university this year. I became much closer to the one school friend I had stayed in touch with, and I've made a lot of friends at uni. I seem to get along with everyone when I'm just myself, and a lot of musicians are just as weird as I am haha

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