Things you've never understood about romance

[Mark]

4 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

So that classic moment when a man proposes to a woman. He kneels and I'm like why the hell humiliate oneself like that and why is the woman so super enthusiastic? x_x

It's also interesting how little fuss is made about the rigid gender roles involved here.
 

8 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

Oh, and what the hell is with that diamond engagement ring and the fuss about it? Trying to prove what?! Like let's take a large amount of money and set it on fire o.O.  

It's one of the most successful invented traditions in history. Hugely profitable to De Beers.

[Queen of Spades]

So time and again I hear people say: I'd like to X (X being little things such as a new haircut, a different hair colour, you get the idea), but my boyfriend/girlfriend won't let me. What the serious heck? Who do you think you are to dictate what your partner can or cannot do, and for the "victim", why on earth would you put up with him/her making you feel like you need their permission?

 

Does this scenario ring any bells to anyone? Can anyone enlighten me? 

[NullVector]

37 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

Oh, and what the hell is with that diamond engagement ring and the fuss about it? Trying to prove what?! Like let's take a large amount of money and set it on fire o.O.

 

I know you're joking a bit here, but actually, gift buying in general is something that has always made feel me a bit uncomfortable.

 

I knda feel here like I'm being emotionally blackmailed by society and/or coproprate advertising into expressing the 'worth' a personal relationship along narrow, market oriented lines. Being encoured toward commodifying human emotional sentiments. It almost feels like an act of sacrilige or idol worship (says the atheist, lol). I don't want to express my feelings towards somebody with a card, or a ring, or whatever. It's totally inadequate and kind of insulting and infuriating to feel manipulated into that (plus it's kind of saying: express your feelings towards this person by feeding the consumerist machine that's killing your planet - this is the only legitimate and generally socially acceptable way of doing so)

 

I wonder if that's just me or something other aros or aro-specs can relate to? Probably I'm over-reacting 

[Mark]

3 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

So time and again I hear people say: I'd like to X (X being little things such as a new haircut, a different hair colour, you get the idea), but my boyfriend/girlfriend won't let me. What the serious heck? Who do you think you are to dictate what your partner can or cannot do, and for the "victim", why on earth would you put up with him/her making you feel like you need their permission?

It can seem as though alloromantics see what you are calling "victim" as being somehow desirable. Which is quite baffling to me. Since I'd see it as attacking someone's autonomy, individuality and integrity. Something entirely at odds with friendship.
Even in the context of a D/s relationship there are issues here. With most of the allos who do this claiming that their relationships are vanilla.

[Queen of Spades]

8 minutes ago, NullVector said:

 

I know you're joking a bit here, but actually, gift buying in general is something that has always made feel me a bit uncomfortable.

 

I knda feel here like I'm being emotionally blackmailed by society and/or coproprate advertising into expressing the 'worth' a personal relationship along narrow, market oriented lines.

I've always been supporting the kind of (birthday) gifts which are from the heart. Just like the kind of present you'd get a close friend for their birthday. Little, symbolic things, but from the heart. For example, knowing I'm a cat person, my best friend (who was still my zucchini at that time) got me this year - for my 21st birthday - a super cute cat-shaped teacup ^_^. I do understand you to some degree and I also don't get the point of highly expensive gifts such as gold jewellery and similar bullshit.

5 minutes ago, Mark said:

It can seem as though alloromantics see what you are calling "victim" as being somehow desirable. 

There was this quote saying something like "I'd do whatever I please...as long as bae allows me to". So why the hell would you enjoy manipulating someone, and being told what to do and what not to do respectively?! How old are you people, five? This world freaks me out.  

[Mark]

23 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

There was this quote saying something like "I'd do whatever I please...as long as bae allows me to".

Thus "bae" effectively means "Dom(me)" in this context

 

33 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

So why the hell would you enjoy manipulating someone, and being told what to do and what not to do respectively?! How old are you people, five?

I suspect the average five year old has better judgment when it comes to not doing something so utterly stupid.
The word "twitterpated" seems a good description here. 

[NullVector]

@Mark  Well, I read the full description on the "twitterpated" page and I'm with Thumper  

 

Quote

Thumper: Why are they acting that way? 
Friend Owl: Why, don't you know? They're twitterpated. 
Flower, Bambi, Thumper: Twitterpated? 
Friend Owl: Yes. Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example: You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head! 
Thumper: Gosh, that's awful.

 

[Ace of Amethysts]

@Ice Queen A great video that explains why diamonds are so expensive, among other things.

 

[One-Eyed Jack]

Having a partner means having a stake in their well-being, and hopefully them having a stake in yours. that means you promote each other's well-being, and everybody uses their own judgment in these things, which can lead to clashes betwee the judgment of the person and the judgment of their partner about how to promote the well-being of the partner and partnership.

 

But this is not necessarily a romantic thing, because there are many different types of partnership. For example, it happens in business partnerships too that your partner thinks they know what a good use for your money is better than you do. And most importantly for aros, I think it's gonna happen in a QPR too from time to time, simply because of the nature of partnership.

[DeltaAro]

I think that diamonds are really great... for industrial purposes (offshore drilling) and for filtrating vodka (like THREE-SIXTY vodka).

Spoiler

As an investment they're ridiculous, you probably get only 20% back if you sell them.

 

Really, why do even the details of romance have to be so crazy? (also Kate did much damage to De Beers).

[Ace of Amethysts]

.

[Queen of Spades]

"All's fair in love and war." - the first part

 

So it's fair to do wrongs to people, to give up on precious friendships and so on in the name of the object of one's infatuation?

 

#error404

[Ace of Amethysts]

21 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

"All's fair in love and war." - the first part

 

So it's fair to do wrongs to people, to give up on precious friendships and so on in the name of the object of one's infatuation?

 

 

I don't get it either...

[Saber_Wing]

For me, it's when those in a romantic relationship spend every waking moment together. It freaks me out just thinking about it. Like, don't they ever want to do their own thing? How can they stand not having a break from talking to people?

 

You wanna know the dumbest part? It makes me feel so lonely to watch them do it, even though I want no part of it.

[Ace of Amethysts]

How about when romantic people demand to know where their partner is at all times?

[Mark]

3 hours ago, Saber_Wing said:

For me, it's when those in a romantic relationship spend every waking moment together. It freaks me out just thinking about it. Like, don't they ever want to do their own thing? How can they stand not having a break from talking to people?

It's not so much "talking to people" as "talking to one specific person". Even in situations where there are obviously other people they could be talking to (or otherwise interacting with). What I really don't get is this rejection of social interaction....

 

3 hours ago, Saber_Wing said:

You wanna know the dumbest part? It makes me feel so lonely to watch them do it, even though I want no part of it.

I can feel envious of their "freedom" to do things like PDAs. Even without being attracted to either person or wanting to be in a couple myself.

[c_nterella]

On 8/8/2016 at 10:02 AM, Natkat said:

Beside many of the points already mentioned I don't understand why sex is seen as romantic.

I simple dont see anything "romantic" in rubbing your genetalia on each other (or whatever you are into.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

sameee. i didn't even realize i thought this until i read your post. when i was in my ill-fated relationship, i was completely fine with the other person wanting to sleep with other people. they on the other hand, wanted me to be jealous and were generally weird about, saying that they'd feel guilty about it unless i was also having sex with other people. like what. yeah, they didn't understand asexuality at all.

[Queen of Spades]

I don't really get why exactly the "typical" HAS to affect one's free time to so high a degree. :-? 

I don't get how on earth people see strangers are more suitable for them (partner-wise) than a best friend whom they know well and with whom they feel comfortable and warm and so on. (error 404)

[NullVector]

On 6/3/2017 at 10:51 AM, Mark said:

It's not so much "talking to people" as "talking to one specific person". Even in situations where there are obviously other people they could be talking to (or otherwise interacting with). What I really don't get is this rejection of social interaction....

 

"Narcissism for two" is one way of describiing this phenomenon  (and perhaps lots of romantic behaviours in general?)

[Queen of Spades]

If two people who don't know each other go to bed, everyone is horrified and sees it as disgraceful. (So it doesn't matter that they want to make each other feel good and treat each other as human beings). But if two people who barely know each other or know each other for a short period of time get into a relationship, everyone is like "waaaaaaaa <3" , "congratulations", "round of applause". Logic not found.  #error404

[Mark]

1 hour ago, Ice Queen said:

If two people who don't know each other go to bed, everyone is horrified and sees it as disgraceful. (So it doesn't matter that they want to make each other feel good and treat each other as human beings). But if two people who barely know each other or know each other for a short period of time get into a relationship, everyone is like "waaaaaaaa <3" , "congratulations", "round of applause". Logic not found.  #error404

But often only if that is a romantic relationship, not if it's a friendship.
There also appears to be that kind of "cheer leading" for people starting a romantic relationship, getting enguaged, getting married, etc. Regardless of if they are having sex or not.
Don't get the former either. Indeed I have congratulated friends over having sex on a ONS basis.

[Ace of Amethysts]

7 hours ago, Mark said:

But often only if that is a romantic relationship, not if it's a friendship.
There also appears to be that kind of "cheer leading" for people starting a romantic relationship, getting enguaged, getting married, etc. Regardless of if they are having sex or not.
Don't get the former either. Indeed I have congratulated friends over having sex on a ONS basis.

It's society reinforcing romance and romantic life goals.

[DeltaAro]

12 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

Logic not found.  #error404

error 404 just means “could not find what was requested”. I think that's too tame. It's more like:

10 hours ago, Mark said:

But often only if that is a romantic relationship, not if it's a friendship.

If you would jump into a friendship like people often jump into romantic relationships, one would wonder if there's something wrong with your frontal lobes.

[Mark]

50 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

error 404 just means “could not find what was requested”. I think that's too tame. It's more like:

 

Other possibilities would be
400:Bad Request
403:Forbidden
405:Method Not Allowed
406:Not Acceptable
409:Conflict
410:Gone
417:Expectation Failed
418:I'm a teapot
421:Misdirected Request
501:Not Implemented
505:HTTP Version Not Supported

[SamwiseLovesLife]

On 25/05/2017 at 8:36 PM, Ice Queen said:

Oh, and what the hell is with that diamond engagement ring and the fuss about it? Trying to prove what?! Like let's take a large amount of money and set it on fire o.O.  

Oh my god exactly. I've always said (pre realising I'm Aro) that if I were to get engaged I'd want a £1 ring, or basically something either handmade or super cheap so I'm not terrified of losing it or having it stolen. Expensive rings just seem to me both wasteful and vapid.