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Sooty Owl

Things you've never understood about romance

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On 25/11/2016 at 9:07 PM, Untamed Heart said:

I've never understood why some people have got engaged or even married after knowing each other a very short amount of time - maybe even a day! Sure, it worked out for some people, but I'd bet my bottom dollar they're in the minority. Yet, they're still framed as positive, "I found The ONE and I'm telling my story to give hope to all the lonely singles out there TM " stories, rather than "acted ridiculously rashly, was lucky it worked out in our favour".

Don't find such stories hopeful.
At best they are WTF, at worst "How am I ever going to be able to fit in if everyone else just wants to do this kind of thing?"
 

Something I've noticed several times with online forums is that someone posting about how difficult they find social interaction can get several responses along the lines of "me too, before I met my spouse/fiance/etc." With me left thinking that since the OP never mentioned any interest in marriage these are a complete non sequitur.

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I agree with that too. Even when I've really 'like liked' someone in the past, it's still difficult for me to interact. I might feel more incentive to, but those "special feelings" don't magically make it easier. I've been very lucky with my friendships in that they were patient with me for being a bit weird at times, but over time it's got easier to talk and stuff. But people I get feelings for out of the blue and suddenly want to talk to and be around more (e.g. potential fiance/spouse material)? Nope.

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On 8/8/2016 at 11:02 AM, Natkat said:

Beside many of the points already mentioned I don't understand why sex is seen as romantic.

I simple dont see anything "romantic" in rubbing your genetalia on each other (or whatever you are into.)

 

Sex can trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone involved in the formation and maintenance of attachment bonds. So typical humans are biologically predisposed to love someone they've had sex with.

 

Someday I'd like to study the brain activity and hormonal reactions to sex and romance of aro/ace, allo/ace and aro/allo people. I bet I'd find interesting results.

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Heh, before I found places like this site, I used to fantasise about someone scanning my brain while I was in relationships and seeing what the hell was going on up there!

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On 17/12/2016 at 6:41 PM, Ettina said:

 

Sex can trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone involved in the formation and maintenance of attachment bonds. So typical humans are biologically predisposed to love someone they've had sex with.

 

Someday I'd like to study the brain activity and hormonal reactions to sex and romance of aro/ace, allo/ace and aro/allo people. I bet I'd find interesting results.

 

this seams so unfortunate when I rather they not fall in love with me.

 

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For now off the top of my head, "Nice guys".

 

Might post other things some other time if I think of them.

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I can understand the "nice guy" thing but it's kind of creepy in a way. Convince me you're nice and/or trustworthy through your actions towards me, rather than saying it. Anyone can say they're nice, actually being nice/trustworthy are different things.

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I didn't mean anything by that, so sorry if it came over that way. It's just your "nice guys" comment struck a chord with me. I went to a mental health conference with Mind some years back (a couple of friends and our group leader), and we gave a lift to this other random guy on the way home who invited me to the pub when we were dropped off. I only agreed cos it was roasting hot that day, even for May, and I really needed a drink. I regretted it cos he was very touchy feely and overly complimentary to me (a complete stranger) and kept saying "I'm not dangerous, you can trust me," but he made me uncomfortable because of all the touching and over-niceness.

He even invited me back to his house, but all I could picture then was being on TV headline news, being wheeled out of a basement on a stretcher 6 months later...

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Just a question: WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE BEING FRIENDZONED AS A BAD THING?! Honestly I just don't get it. My friend keeps trying to convince me that relationships are great and that I'm missing out and that I'm not giving it a chance; but guess what I DON'T WANT TO OR FEEL THE NEED TO THEREFORE I'M GOOD OKAY. Additionally, he is like "Wow, I'm so sad you rejected me, it doesn't have to be this way" and oh my this is getting on my nerves ://// Me and this person were really close and I wish he could realize that I liked being close - but ~only platonically close~. Please why can't people just take a hint that I've literally spelled out.:facepalm::facepalm:

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Why do some people date for years and then one of them holds out on wanting to get married? My sister is currently going through this with her BF but he always avoids the subject of marriage even though it is a reasonable discussion for them to have at this point in their relationship. Ah well, at least I don't have to worry about this happening to me. It just confuses me is all.

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Something I don't understand about romance: why shows like the bachelor and married at first sight are so popular when they lack any sort of substance, yet shows with fantasy and action and intricate plots get swept to the side by the majority.

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Why is friendship considered to be "less than romance" by 99.99% of human beings? I just don`t understand it...

16 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

Something I don't understand about romance: why shows like the bachelor and married at first sight are so popular when they lack any sort of substance, yet shows with fantasy and action and intricate plots get swept to the side by the majority.

This is just so true.

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9 minutes ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Why is friendship considered to be "less than romance" by 99.99% of human beings? I just don`t understand it...

EXACTLY. I've had people explain to me how much being friendzoned sucks, but why is it so bad? I just don't get it. Friendship just shouldn't be considered less valuable than romance. 

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7 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Why is friendship considered to be "less than romance" by 99.99% of human beings? I just don`t understand it...

 

I have no idea. It's been making me confused and angry since about forever.

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18 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Why is friendship considered to be "less than romance" by 99.99% of human beings? I just don`t understand it...

Because don't you know romance is so perfect and super special and friends don't matter [/sarcasm]? :nopapo:

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On 1/4/2017 at 9:15 AM, Just like Jughead said:

I never understand why people who say they love each other fight and argue all the time and say a relationship requires work. A so-called emotion is work?

 

The emotion isn't work, the relationship is. I totally get this, because every relationship requires work, especially if you live with the person. I argue with my parents and sometimes my brother, and we all work really hard to get along better, because we love each other and we live together. 

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2 hours ago, Ettina said:

 

The emotion isn't work, the relationship is. I totally get this, because every relationship requires work, especially if you live with the person. I argue with my parents and sometimes my brother, and we all work really hard to get along better, because we love each other and we live together. 

 

If you say so. But you're wrong. 

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