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The Never-even-tried thread


Louis On Air
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It's great to learn about not being able to reciprocate feelings of romance in dating and other stuff before realising your true nature, but I never tried because I was never pressured and then I found asexuality come aromanticism and now I'll never be pressured or choose to do it. So this thread is for sharing the experiences of being surrounded by that "ideal" and (as the title says) never even trying. I can't be the only ignorant one who reads people's experiences and just thinks "yep I'm never doing that... ever," and whilst we don't have tales to tell other than "nothing happened and then I started identifying," I'd just like to know I'm not the only one.

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Yep. I've never tried. I know I would not like it. I've thought about it and am sure. I hate how people think that we're not capable of knowing our sexuality/romanticism/whatever unless we've 'experimented'.

 

(In a slightly related note, I am presently engaged in an argument over whether the term 'you'll never know unless you try it' has any merit)

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I've never even tried. I have a feeling that this is due to my individualism. I have a strong sense of self and I try to do what ever I feel is best, regardless what others think. I also surrounded myself with people who didn't care what others thought of them.

 

I have to say that I never really felt pressured. More, lightly nudged. Or at least that's what it felt like. I didn't really pay attention because I didn't really care.

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13 hours ago, Louis Hypo said:

"nothing happened and then I started identifying,"

Before you ask, yes that was just a joke I know we all have different experiences in this umbrella.

 

Anyway 3 replies in and I already love this thread! It's nice to be with other oblivious people who also have made up their mind before any kerfuffle. I was peer pressured in year 6 but me and love interest (who I met recently after 5 years) both weren't ever going to and that's the last time anything happened before I googled asexuality in Xmas 2014 and signed up.

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I remember seeing one of the girls in my class at school talking about some guy she had feelings for... I can't remember her words, but the whole way she was behaving just seemed so obnoxiously dumb (like "omgggg I love him soooo muuuuch", even though just the week before she was talking about some other guy the same way...)

 

I decided that I will never feel that way about anyone, and if I ever think that kind of stupid behaviour is OK, I will lose all respect for myself. :P

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I have never been in a relationship either! I came close once, but I evaded it! 

 

David Jay had a good response here to someone telling him he should try sex. He pointed out that most people don't have to try it before they know it's something they want to do. I think the same goes for romance. 

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8 hours ago, Dodgypotato said:

(In a slightly related note, I am presently engaged in an argument over whether the term 'you'll never know unless you try it' has any merit)

Lots of things are demonstrably not worth trying once, like eating dirt. Inferring from related experiences isn't perfect, but sometimes you can get a pretty clear idea of whether something would be very unpleasant, like if you smell dirt and find it very unappetizing.

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11 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

I've never even tried. I have a feeling that this is due to my individualism. I have a strong sense of self and I try to do what ever I feel is best, regardless what others think. I also surrounded myself with people who didn't care what others thought of them.

 

I have to say that I never really felt pressured. More, lightly nudged. Or at least that's what it felt like. I didn't really pay attention because I didn't really care.

 

My experience is the same.  The idea always seemed so ridiculous to me that I never even thought to try, to be honest.  I wouldn't say that I ever felt pressured about it, but I've certainly felt judged for it.  That never was incentive enough for me to try though. I'm not really susceptible to peer pressure :) 

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Unfortunately, getting into a romantic relationship just to try it out isn't feasible. It can end up hurting both you and the other person, maybe even others.

 

This is in contrast to something like sushi. If you have never tried sushi and you think you might not like it, then you can order some and worst case scenario is you are out some cashola.

 

I think it is safe to say that if you aren't interested in a romantic relationship and have no feelings drawing you to it, then you don't need to try.

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I never tried either and never even considered trying. Friendship has always seemed more appealing to me and I'm not someone who tries something because people tell me that I will enjoy it or because "everyone" does it.

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I have been in one short team relationship about 13 years ago but that was driven by going out drinking and doing drugs.

I do not do either of those now, i am 5 years sober..

 

I went on a date yesterday and realised that this is not what i want, i was so relieved when it ended ! 

She is a nice girl, bless her but i just do not have the desire to be in a relationship with anyone.

I am happy being single and i enjoy my life. My life is simple and uncomplicated and i feel really grateful for that.

 

So i would say i have tried but only very briefly.  

 

I am alone but not lonely. 

 

 

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I kept thinking "I'll be in a relationship when the right one comes along.. one day.." But I never thought about pursuing a relationship with anyone I didn't have feelings for. The "crushes" I had (more like squishes) I quickly realised that even if they did ask me out, I wouldn't want a relationship.

So yeah, I don't really feel like I need to "try" a relationship.

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I kind of forced myself to try, so I did go on a few first dates... Haven't been even remotely close to a relationship though. No idea how that would even happen. An actual relationship seems so alien to me?

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Never tried here, either. Never even faked a crush. I figured when I was little that I was just a late bloomer and that I'd have a crush one day, if I kept waiting; then I discovered aromanticism, and, well, here we are! It never seemed appealing to me so I just figured I'd wait until it was, instead of trying it to see.

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  • 6 months later...
1 hour ago, Louis Hypo said:

One thing I find interesting about never having tried is the fact that I have no idea where dating and romance takes place. I'm guessing cafes and DMs butif I did want to start with romance I wouldn't even be able to find the first rung on the ladder.

Aro nerd problems: my immediate thought when I read this post was "wait, no, a player dating their DM would be a terrible idea!" Then I realized that you're probably not talking about Dungeons and Dragons.

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4 minutes ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

Aro nerd problems: my immediate thought when I read this post was "wait, no, a player dating their DM would be a terrible idea!" Then I realized that you're probably not talking about Dungeons and Dragons.

Ok just let me slide into that dungeon master then.

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... well kind off. It's true for most parts of my life. I was never pressured by friends or family. I never much cared what people thought of me either. I always wanted to do, whatever makes me feel happy and dating or stuff like this never made it on the list :P I was confident enough to think that I really don't have to be with someone I don't love and until I do fall in love with someone, there's no use in trying.


But I became pressured when some of my friends asked me to date them and they wanted an honest answer. Since I cared for them as friends, it affected me, BUT not enough to give something I really didn't want a try. At all. Still, it pushed me to search for and find my orientation.

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