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Corrupt a Wish

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You do, but it is the Mars mission, and you can never come back to Earth. The other astronauts are all total jerks and you have to hang out with them all the time, and everything is very primitive, and your com system broke down and everyone on earth thinks you all died before reaching Mars, so you don't even get any glory

I wish for a large bowl of delicious mac 'n' cheese

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It's poisoned.

 

I wish that I could play video games for a living.

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5 minutes ago, Dodgypotato said:

I wish that I could play video games for a living.

You do, but everyone hates you.

 

I wish I could learn any new skill 100x faster than I normally would.

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You can, but every time you learn a new skill you forget something else, because the brains memory space isn't infinite. Soon you'll have no memories of yourself and your life. You just perform your acquired skills like a robot. 

 

I wish I could make my days 48h long, instead of 24h whenever I need it. 

 

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Your day is 48 hours, but this is because the first 24 hours of it repeat.  Congratulations you ruined the spacetime continuum

 

I wish donuts were healthy 

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They are, but they taste of kale (or if you like kale, a vegetable you don't like).

 

I wish my muscles didn't ache so much

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They don't ache anymore at all, this is of course because you have no muscles, and you just sort of lie there like a jellyfish until you realise you no longer have a heart either, or a diaphragm, and you die. Sorry about that.

I wish for a cyntiq tablet to do digital drawing on

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You get your tablet, but all of your drawings ultimately morph into a picture of Nicholas Cage's face.

 

I wish I could sleep with my textbooks under my pillow and absorb the information overnight without ever having to open them. 

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You don't but that's because it's steals all it's energy from you.

 

I wish I had cookies and cream ice cream right now.

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You can, but your cookies are stale and icecream is melted.

 

I wish for icecream cake!

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You have it, but because it is both cake and icecream all the avenites and arocolypsians descend and devour it in seconds

I wish my body clock wasn;t all screwed up and I had a normal sleep schedule

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The moment it hits 6pm you drop down asleep and the moment it hits 10pm you burst awake before dropping down at 2am and jolting awake at 6am because humans originally slept for 2 4-hour periods every day. This process can never be altered.

 

I wished I could get over stupid petty mistakes instead of beating myself up about it.

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You do, but as a result you end up making much more mistakes which are not petty.

 

I wish I could see light in the infrared and ultraviolet spectrum on top of the already visible spectrum.

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You do, but there's way too much of it.

 

I wish democracy didn't get in the way of progress (ok this one's easy)

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Democracy does not get in the way. Individual thought does not get in our way. Nothing gets in our way. We are one mind. We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Your technology will be ours and add to our perfection. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

 

I wish I could travel on the Federation Starship Voyager

 

 

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It gets attacked and everyone dies!

 

I wish it was always 15*C at night and 25*C in the day.

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It is. Everywhere on earth. The polar ice caps melt, the sea level rises. Because there are no temperature differentials, there is no weather. Everything on earth dies.

I wish I could find my cell phone

 

 

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You keep being drawn to it until an assassin puts it on a cliff edge to creatively take care of you.

 

I wish Britain had a General Election before handing over the position of prime minister to Teresa May.

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You are, but you must live through the same story over and over and over again, similar to the movie groundhog day but with more singing and no way out.

 

I wish my phone's keyboard wasn't so frustrating to use.

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It isn't, because it is know the size of an actual PC keyboard. Congratulation! Your phone is now bigger than any tablet ever could be. Have fun carrying that around. 

 

I wish Nintendo would learn from its past supply&demand mistakes, so that the Pokemon Go Servers wouldn't crash all the time. I mean, how am I supposed to be the very best like no one ever was if I can't log in D: 

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They fix it and there is nothing stopping you and everyone else from becoming a zombie controlled by the game and humanity becomes a mere toy for Nintendo.

 

I wish flying non-budget was cheaper.

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It is, because everything is Ryan Air now! Toilets have been replaced with more seats, oxygen costs extra and boarding uses canons while landing involves parachutes since not building airports safes money. And not landing safes fuel. Enjoy your flight. 

 

I wish I had a really good 3D teacher for games, so I wouldn't have to constantly self teach myself and I could actually get professional feedback for a change. That would really counter my constant uncertainty and self-doubt.... .__. 

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It would teach you so much that all the data running through its processor would trigger the singularity and lead to the AI apocalypse.

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