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Corrupt a Wish

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While transformed into a majestic lion, you get shot with a bow and arrow by Walter Palmer, a big game hunter on vacation in Zimbabwe. 

 

I wish I could understand and communicate in every human language on Earth fluently. Written or spoken. 

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You can write in every language, but by doing you forget how to actually talk. That leaves you to write for the rest of your life, until your hand falls off from writing so much. You teach yourself how to write with the other hand until that falls off too. while walking down the street you  trip and fall head first into a sewer and your neck snaps. Still want that wish??

 

I want to be able to stop and start time at will

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You can do so by snapping your fingers. However, when you stop time, the molecules in the air around you stop in time as well. You are instantly frozen in place by the pressure of the solid air's complete immobility. As such, you can no longer snap your fingers. Or move your eyes. Or breathe. Enjoy the next four minutes of stopped time by staring blankly ahead. It's all you have left. If you could just snap your fingers, the spell would break. Oh well.

 

 

 

I wish I had a lovely fish pond in my garden.

 

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@James have your damn fish pond, but these fish get so tired of you not letting me have me wishes that they evolve over night. they grow arms with hands that have opposable thumbs and legs. they secretly train to be ninjas and one night they come and stab you 20 times. then slit your throat. 

 

I wish James would gimme a break. come on Mr. Genie, cheating me of my wishes xD

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I give you a break. In one of your bones.

You get to pick which one though. 

 

 

I wish I had an army of teenage mutant ninja fishes living in my fish pond that would go out every night and assassinate my political enemies.

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okay, but all of your political enemies also have them, and you are their only target.

 

you can break a toe. 

 

I wish for apathy

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You care so little that your body's immune system no longer cares either and you decompose while still alive.

 

I wish I understood electric circuits.

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You learn to understand electric circuits by going to school, doing an absurd amount of homework, and eventually getting a degree in electrical engineering. It takes five years and $86,000.

 

I wish most American politicians weren't in the pockets of the health care industry.

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6 hours ago, James said:

You learn to understand electric circuits by going to school, doing an absurd amount of homework, and eventually getting a degree in electrical engineering. It takes five years and $86,000.

Given that I'm currently doing electrical circuits in one of my physics courses, the first two are already true. However, uni here only costs $4000 a semester so it wouldn't cost me $86,000. Try again.

 

6 hours ago, James said:

I wish most American politicians weren't in the pockets of the health care industry.

There is now no longer any healthcare in the US.

 

I wish that anti-vaxxers weren't a thing.

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Anti-vaxxers are no longer a thing because vaccines no longer exist.

 

I wish I would never get sick.

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The @Momo population, no longer limited by disease, explodes (by mitosis, I guess). Australia is overrun by Momos. With their disease resistance giving them a marked evolutionary advantage, Momos soon replace all humans on the continent. Then the planet. Then the solar system, the galaxy, the Virgo supercluster, the local galactic filament, and eventually the entire observable universe. All are Momo. Momo is all. There is only Momo.

 

Any adjacent universes are okay though.

 

I wish I had an antique medieval poleaxe.

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you can have your poleaxe as long as it replaces another one of your limbs, you now have two limbs replaced by weapons @James

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But poleaxe a require two hands to operate! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

*yells despairingly*

 

I wish someone would leave a wish for me to corrupt.

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I will leave you a wish.

 

I wish for a unicorn that is only loyal to me and can fly and is unable to be corrupted. This unicorn will not be able to hurt me or any others.

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You spend so much time riding the flawless unicorn that you become sensitized to the brutality of the outside world. One day, you will see a baby bird fall out of its nest. You will begin crying and never stop. In addition to constant sadness, salt and water deficiencies will be super annoying. Forever.

 

I wish for a bowl of soup.

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All your hair falls out except one strand which lays super smooth.

 

I wish my headache would go away.

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Your headache can go away, but you'll lose your sense of taste.

 

I wish every animal could be safe and happy. *insert uwu here*

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Granted but you will never get to pet one again

 

I wish for a pet dragon

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Granted, but since you're it's most prized possession it sits on you to begin it's hoard. You are trapped forever.

 

 

I wish to have a time machine.

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Only one copy of your body can exist at any time (ie. you must travel "through" past/future versions of yourself in order to reach your destination). Therefore the time machine is limited to the years during which the user has been/is/will be alive. You will never meet a living dinosaur.

 

I wish I was straight (please corrupt this wish :P)

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You're straightened out into one long wire and can now only do what a wire can do.

 

I wish I had new boots.

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The boots are covered with sheepskin.

 

I wish I could switch people between different bodies.

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Your memory will fail you and soon you'll end up being unable to recall who is who. 

 

I wish the climate of my country were identical to the one they have in Iceland. 

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