Someone likes me and I don’t know how to break it to him that I’m aro

[Tinkere]

Hello! (sorry if I accidentally double posted, I’m new to here so i’m not really sure how it works)

 

So obviously since i’m here, i’m aromantic. i have a pretty good friend who has an obvious crush on me. Pretty much my whole life i’ve never had to deal with anyone liking me, and I don’t really know what to do with this. He’s pretty much already suggested going to homecoming with me and being polite, I told him i’d probably go. I’m just so nervous because with every passing minute, I’m scared he will ask me out. Everybody at my school already thinks we’re a couple, and that we’d be cute which is a bit hard for me. I’m just really scared of romance. I’ve seen him browsing r/Lgbtmemes, so I know that if I came out, he’d understand, but I feel like it would just break his heart. I really do like him as a person, but it’s just the romance aspect specifically that scares me a lot. I’m not really sure what to do as I’ve never been in a relationship, I don’t really know how to deal with this, and I really don’t want to break his heart by letting him know i’m aromantic.

Edited April 11, 2022 by Tinkere

[roboticanary]

7 hours ago, Tinkere said:

Hello! (sorry if I accidentally double posted, I’m new to here so i’m not really sure how it works)

 

no worries. guest posts have to get approved before appearing, which would be why the original didn't show up. I'm assuming you then made an account and reposted the same thing with an account. That is absolutely fine, all that happened is the guest post just won't get approved.

As for advice this is what I would give.

If he asks you out and you really dont want to go out with him, don't go out with him. I get the fear of breaking his heart but honestly, and I know this might sound harsh, but  most people who do experience romance will get their heart broken at some point. He'll live.

If you want to, or you want to see if you can make it work then fine, you do you, i'm not you mother. But I don't think going out with someone with the attitude of being scared and only doing it to avoid breaking his heart is a sensible idea, and I would say that regardless of your aromanticism.

At the very least, rejecting him at the start will cause him less trouble than a relationship for possibly years which you don't want. Where he has to wonder why things don't seem to be working and you feel pressured to keep your identity a secret from him. That isn't a good way for a relationship to go.

As for how, not sure. but I would recommend making sure you have an idea in your head of explaining being aro 101 beforehand. I know you say you saw him on LGBTmemes but that doesn't mean he knows much about the identity.

Also consider for yourself whether you would rather tell him beforehand or only tell him if he asks you out. If you really don't want to have that conversation if he asks you, you need to be aware that is a possibility and try to work it into a conversation before he does.

[asexualpanda27]

On 4/11/2022 at 2:33 PM, roboticanary said:

If you want to, or you want to see if you can make it work then fine, you do you, i'm not you mother. But I don't think going out with someone with the attitude of being scared and only doing it to avoid breaking his heart is a sensible idea, and I would say that regardless of your aromanticism.

I think something to ask yourself is this: do you want to try something with him? Different aro people have different attitudes toward romance. Some like the idea of a romantic relationship even without the attraction, some want nothing to do with it, and many are in between.

If you don't want to, that's perfectly valid. You don't have to. And as roboticanary said, you don't have to. He will live. It will suck, but he will live.

If you do, I'd recommend not hiding your identity if you think it would be safe to come out. Whether you want to come out before or after you start dating (in this hypothetical scenario), just come out eventually. It's something that most partners would want to know, and some people don't mind that their partner is aro or arospec if they know that up front.

Of course, this is all my experience and my opinion. You do what you feel is right for you.

(I did have a similar experience in middle school. A friend clearly had a crush on me, but I didn't like him like that. I didn't know I was aro at the time, so I didn't know how to articulate myself, and I just ended up avoiding him for the rest of the school year... So maybe I'm not the best person to respond with advice. But I've learned a lot since then. That was 6 years ago.)