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Different types of platonic love


arofox
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I really love my family and friends. In a platonic way I really love them. But I'm not platonically attracted to them. I'm not friends with any of my squishes and now that I think about it it kinda makes me sad.

Does anyone else experiences this, where you have different kinds of platonic love? Or are my squishes actually not platonic and more of another kind of attraction?

For example, I love my friend and she's fantastic. I like chatting with her, taking a walk and laughing but the way my squishes feel is a completly different feeling. I want to do the same things with them but I'm attracted to them while to my friends I'm not.

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i believe squishes and crushes are similar in that way, they have the same "purpose" kind of? not quite the word i'm looking for, but.

for me, squishes have always faded as soon as we become friends/close in some way, or they've faded naturally if the person is no longer in my life. i believe it's similar with crushes, because having a crush =/= being in love, y'know? crushes and squishes can be a bit intense, while if you become closer that fades into a more comfortable love. which isn't worse or better than the squish, you're just in a different state of being. sometimes i've had squishes on people i really wouldn't fit with - they've usually only lasted a day or so, and they really made me question my orientation because they felt so intense and out of left field! it's only happened once or twice, though.

all that said, a squish is not a required step before a friendship/QPR/what have you, in the same way a crush isn't before a romantic relationship. 

your squishes could also be informed by different attractions, without making them non-platonic. i see you're aroace, but i do know allo-aros who experience sexual attraction but still wouldn't label their attraction as anything but platonic. sexual AND platonic, you feel? in that way, maybe your squishes are informed by an aesthetic or sensual attraction, but still platonic. 

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Wow thank you, that is actually really informative!

I never considered that for being in love you don't have to have a crush first but now that you said it, I think I start to understand romantic attraction a bit better.

14 minutes ago, nisse said:

in that way, maybe your squishes are informed by an aesthetic or sensual attraction, but still platonic. 

This makes so much sense THANK YOU SO MUCH

I think I do get attracted aesthetically to someone and then I develop a squish on them. Its probably exactly like you said, my squishes are informed by aesthetic attraction but still platonic.

19 minutes ago, nisse said:

crushes and squishes can be a bit intense, while if you become closer that fades into a more comfortable love.

That is also very comforting to hear thank you <3

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I'm not sure to what extent I feel platonic love but I do think there are different types. For example I love my parents, but that's a lot different than the bonds I have with my friends. My roommates and I are close friends and our lives are pretty intertwined due to us living together, but my feelings towards them are different than my feelings towards squishes, because from what I've observed my squishes involved a level of platonic attraction that isn't present in other relationships.

Hypothetically if one of my roommates and I decided to live together long-term, I think I'd be OK with that because we have a good relationship and live together well. But I doubt I'd develop a squish on her.

Edited by Apex
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Yes, I think I do experience different kind of platonic stuff regarding close friends... I know for some of my closest friends I've felt probably what are squishes or meshes... to the point I've questioned a few times whether that is romantic or not. They were and are a lot to what people describe as crushes, but then... for whatever reasons, I would feel suffocated to be in a romantic relationship with them (and weirdly enough, I wasn't bother by them having romantic interests in some other people). I sometimes call this as alterous attraction, but I see it as a type of platonic one too.

Then there were somehow in a friendship triangle other types of friendships... they were quite close, but then I knew in a way they were different, even with all three of us saw each other as equals... 

Then, a relationship that I've developed in the past year and I don't think this has happened before... I know there are no sudden crazy feelings, but then I know there is trust and emotional compatibility... in a way, I feel like this is a relationship built brick by brick with both of us being more aware (well, this friendship started a few years ago, then became almost dead and wasn't feeling comfortable in it... but then both of us changed our perspectives last year). I know it's different from what I've felt in the first part of our friendship years ago. It's far more mature for sure, but also the feelings are different in nature. In a way are similar to the ones I've described as alterous, but it's not some weird chemicals in my brain, is me being aware and deciding about my feelings more I think? I'm not sure.

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