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internalized arophobia


fern
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i realized a few months ago that i'm greyromantic and i think i have some internalized arophobia. i don't have anything against people on the aromantic spectrum and have always thought that it's completely fine to be arospec. however, i keep judging myself for not feeling romantic love as frequently as alloromantic people do and feeling like there's something wrong with me for it, even though i know that's not true

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One main advice to me is to be patient with yourself and give it time. Try to read and talk with others (who are supportive) about aromanticism and you will probably feel a shift. Also try to dig into the underlying assumptions that causes your feelings. My favorite guide for this is The book Feeling good by David Burns. He gives lots of tips for how to deal with our thought traps that causes negative feelings. You can use that for your aromanticism thoughts.

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I've been there. When I learn about aromanticism I look for every tiny reason that could make me not aro, because I lived with the assumption that I will fall in love one day and get married, and it was hard to admit that the thing that should have been a huge part of my life will never be a part of my life. But after I accept that, I realized that I never really desired romance anyway, and that I am happier this way.

 

What helps is to spend time on arospec places, so you can exchange with people who have similar experiences. It will help you to see that this is not a big deal, and there is no guilt to have. After all, you are not hurting anyone.

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To add to this, something that helps for me is to try to look back at what I have achieved every so often.

One of the big things in my case that makes me feel bad about being aro is the fear that I am going nowhere while those around me are achieving so many of the traditional goals in life. Marriage, kids, that sort of thing. Reminding myself of the cool things I have managed to do, and understanding that they are interesting and important to me makes me feel a lot better.

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