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Aros and clubbing


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Thinking about the aro and alcohol thread made me think about nightclubs. 

My experience is that while I went to them because I was with friends they weren't especially interesting and as soon as I hit about 23 I stopped and haven't been to a club in years. 

I suspect my aromanticism might be linked to this since the main thing they seem to be used for is hooking up and to be honest no. Not happening. (Although it could also be that nightclubs are utter shitholes filled with the worst people imaginable)

Anyone else enjoy clubbing, hate it and want to vent, whatever. Would be interesting to hear what you think and in particular whether you think your aromanticism has an effect on this.

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Never been one for nightclubs, no. I go to a lot of lively concerts, but nightclubs just aren't my kinda place. It's probably the choice of music more than anything.

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I have some mixed feelings about clubbing. I love going to dance and letting loose with friends and the music (although I go to Latin/hip hop clubs). It can be fun to dance with random people (usually some dudes who approach me) sometimes as well. But I dislike it that people often equate dancing together with me being interested in them and then they get mad when I want to go back to my friends/turn them down. So yeah, that could indeed have to do with my aromanticism 

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8 hours ago, Erederyn said:

I dislike it that people often equate dancing together with me being interested in them and then they get mad when I want to go back to my friends/turn them down.

That was the sort of idea I was thinking about, clubs seem to be places where everyone thinks everyone else must be there to get a date. Unlucky that they get mad, that sort of thing is never nice to deal with.

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I never gone to a club before, and in the words of a friend: "What would I get out of it? I do not drink nor am interested in dancing with strangers". Never felt the urge to go to a club after those words, because is true. I do not drink nor like strangers be near me dancing. I understand some people like it, but it isn't for me. Does my aroace influences it? well kinda, because i wouldn't hook up with strangers. A question I had was, would a gay club(I want to say queer club but honestly I never seen people say it like this so idk) change my opinion? knowing that the people there will most likely be queer people? well I thought about it and my answer would still be no, because of the same, I don't drink nor want to hook up. If it was a place where I could sit and talk to people without the worry of being asked out, and they sold non-alcoholic beverages only (coffee I am thinking of you) I think I would go, because it would be a semi-non sexual no alcohol place where I could actually connect with people. But again, that may be a fantasy of mine.

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On 10/6/2021 at 8:22 AM, roboticanary said:

I suspect my aromanticism might be linked to this since the main thing they seem to be used for is hooking up and to be honest no. Not happening.

Huh, to me a large part of the appeal of nightclubs is hooking up with no expectation of it being for more than one night. Or hell, even just making out with hot strangers. I like them as a place where the default assumption is that any connection is purely physical. 

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I have been clubbing twice.  Once was for karaoke.  That was fun.  Another was for a New Years thing.  That was boring as fuck.

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13 hours ago, eatingcroutons said:

to me a large part of the appeal of nightclubs is hooking up with no expectation of it being for more than one night.

This is true, I guess a part of that which I forgot to mention is I am really not keen on that. I much prefer a fwb sort of thing where I actually trust another person to be sensible. Clubbing, in my experience involved a lot of people you really don't know who are generally far more drunk than you think because you are also far more drunk than you think. I guess for some people it is a really good thing and they enjoy the hookups they get from it but I would just find that very nerve wracking.

13 hours ago, eatingcroutons said:

I like them as a place where the default assumption is that any connection is purely physical. 

That is a really cool benefit, now I m thinking I was likely wrong about it being my aromanticism, but rather the sort of clubs I end up at and the people in them. Purely physical relations would be so much better if I wasn't apparently a magnet drawing in creepy people about 30 years older than everyone else, random drug pushers, and people who are just too damn drunk.

Actually come to think of it, if there could be a place with the romantic/sexual expectations of a nightclub but the atmosphere of a cafe I would probably be much happier.

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1 hour ago, roboticanary said:

Purely physical relations would be so much better if I wasn't apparently a magnet drawing in creepy people about 30 years older than everyone else, random drug pushers, and people who are just too damn drunk.

a sizeable minority didn’t get the memo about the “default assumption”… those who get offended by very innocent SFW compliments…

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When I was younger I enjoyed going to a club for dancing and making out with strangers. However after a bit of makeout I'd get bored and go back to my girl friends. 

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On 10/10/2021 at 1:16 AM, DeltaV said:

a sizeable minority didn’t get the memo about the “default assumption”…

Well, there is a difference between assuming that any hook-ups that happen in clubs are purely physical, and assuming that everyone in a club is open to hooking up.

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As an aro/ace i haven’t been in a nightclub before. I mean even though i somehow have sexual fantasies about making out in a nightclub, i wouldn’t do it in real life. I don’t think it’s autism friendly(in my case), cause there’s too many loud people, drunk weirdos and too much drama. I would actually love to join an EDM festival… If it was a livestream. So i don’t really think it has anything to do with me being aro/ace, it might just be the fear that prevents me from going to nightclubs. But if there were private clubs with few people i would have been interested in trying it out.

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