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Hyper-aware of possible advances?


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Hey everybody. I’m curious if anyone else has ever experienced this. Well I mean i’m pretty sure there’s at least one person out there who has, but I’d still like to have a discussion about this.

So like I know there are aros out there who are oblivious as heck of romantic intentions, and I was too at one point, the first guy who had (or at least admitted that he had) a crush on me didn’t seem to make any advances (or what I would categorize in my allopedia as advances) until he flat out told me that he had a crush on me. And rather than feeling happy like I thought I should, instead I felt uncomfortable and kinda betrayed, but that’s a story for another time.

thing is, ever since then, especially when I[m on my period and my emotions are high, I always read way deeper into every interaction I have with people near my age, but mostly with boys because heteronormativity am I right? I find myself thinking stuff like: Oh no, did he offer to help because he has feelings for me, whatever that means? Or He’s been talking to me an awful lot, what if… please no!

And it’s exhausting because I wish that I could just go on innocently being friends with people, but I really have a bad habit of thinking deeply into every little thing. Helpful in English class, not so much in real life, unfortunately.

Edited by LifezVictory
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Ah, yes. Anytime I even think someone might try to make an advance, it basically sends me into fight-or-flight mode. It's very uncomfortable. I had someone recently ask me to go out for coffee and oh, boy, my anxiety skyrocketed and it was almost panic mode. Fortunately, that sort of thing doesn't happen very often. I haven't really noticed if I become extra-sensitive about it when I'm on my period, but I can see how that could make it worse.

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I don't mind.

To be honest though a lot of that is because I am a big lad and have no problem setting out my boundaries. I am  unlikely to have someone make an advance on me and me thinking 'oh crap, I don't want to tell them to go away'

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I can almost always tell when someone has a crush on me, before they tell me most of the time. Something about their vibe changes and it’s only been wrong like twice- once I thought someone liked me when they didn’t, and once the opposite happened

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interestingly enough, it's both for me? I'm horrendously oblivious at recognising whether or not someone is making an advance on me. So now I'm just going ??? every single time some kind of makes a move that could be platonic or romantic, am I worrying enough? Or am I freaking out too much? 

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I think people genuinely want to help each other, whether or not there is romantic feelings. there was someone I wanted to help, and I helped her, didn't have any romantic intent at all. and then my friend was helping a girl out, he had romantic feelings for her, but he was genuinely someone who wants to help people. I don't think his romantic feelings changed that. 

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I feel that way a quite a bit. Also yee heteronormativity is one helllll of a pain in the ass. I think for me I’m always self-conscious about how men act towards me (especially given I’m femme-presenting in my early twenties).

For me (I’m really only talking about myself here, not try to project anything onto you), hypervigilance is part of my trauma response of how men act towards me, because I’ve had so many negative interactions regarding men viewing me a certain way. 

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