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I feel selfish for being aroace


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It’s this stupid amatonormativity this society’s got going on, I think. I desperately crave a QPP(s) but since that’s not a relationship that people commonly pursue, it’s not as simple as getting a squish and pursuing it.

I’m actually really freaking scared of getting a squish, because i know that statistically that person will most likely be allo. And since allos don’t operate the same way as I do, the closest they’ll probably ever feel towards me would be a crush. And since I can’t give them what they want/need since I don’t even know what it is, then I can’t be their special person which would be heartbreaking for me.

there’s a part of me, a part that I know is not true but persists anyway, that says that this is my fault. That I brought this on myself for wanting something so specific, for needing it. And it hurts because I don’t want to end up being alone for the rest of my life, but i also don’t want to do things that make me uncomfortable, that wouldn’t be right.

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You are not selfish. Humans have needs and it is natural for them to pursue them. It doesn't make you a selfish person and nobody should ask you to give them what you are not willing or able to give.

Alloros are not selfish for needing romance. So why would you be selfish for wanting a QPR?

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18 hours ago, LifezVictory said:

 

there’s a part of me, a part that I know is not true but persists anyway, that says that this is my fault. That I brought this on myself for wanting something so specific, for needing it. 

You didn't bring this upon yourself. Allo people never choose what their romantic orientation would be. In the same way you never had the option to choose to be aroace, you just are that way. 

Also, one of the reasons it feels selfish is due to the fact that aroaces have very specific needs which are often not understood in the suffocating invisible gas of amatonormativity. 

But just because you have different needs from most of your fellow humans, doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you very unique.

You will find love, and be thankful your in the 21st century where it’s easier to find people with specific orientations ect. Thats a huge bonus people didn’t have until very recently.

 

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