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how do you define and explain romantic attraction?


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if someone asks you, "what is romantic attraction" how do you explain it to them?

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I would say it is the feeling that gives you the urge to date someone, usually associating with things like butterflies in the stomach.

Or I would say that like there is an attraction that makes people desires sex with a person, the same thing exist for romance instead of sex.

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as someone who is aro, I don't think I can. I don't what it is, having never really experienced it. the closest I could get is "crushes," or the butterflies iim stomach feeling. 

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2 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I would say it is the feeling that gives you the urge to date someone, usually associating with things like butterflies in the stomach.

i agree with nonmerci here, i saw someone once define it as this urge/desire to be the other person's everything, that makes you think about them constantly or get nervous around them. i've never experienced romantic feelings so i can't truly describe it (like the majority here).

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I wouldn't dare define romantic attraction anymore; but, I'd try explaining it, at least to myself, as "something extra" to distinguish between a (potential) partner and a friend. Something that makes them kind of... exclusive? Like, you enjoy their company just a bit more, or in a slightly different way. For me, from my recent experiences, it involves enjoying being held, having my back and hair stroked - something that used to always feel awkward with anybody else.

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On 7/25/2021 at 6:53 PM, Ashe. said:

if someone asks you, "what is romantic attraction" how do you explain it to them?

This is very difficult to answer.

I don’t think there’s a clear, non-tautological definition. I could make a list of features that are typically associated with romantic attraction. The problem is that such a list might sound offensive to alloromantics. An aro caricature of romantic attraction; or an aro confusing real romantic attraction with amatonormative ideas about it.

Because if you’d check all or most of the items on that list, you’d indeed experience romantic attraction in a very, very cliché manner – a bit “too much” even for most allos!

And it’s totally true that real-life romantic attraction is not like that at all! But still it retains some sort of connection to the cliché: e.g. physical beauty or gender simply is of some importance in romantic attraction (while it is usually of much less importance in platonic attraction).

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I'd define it was wanting to be in a romantic (or similar) relationship with someone.
With romantic relationships being those where ideas like being "in a relationship" or "in a couple" are very important. Possibly even more important than what happens within that relationship.

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  • 2 months later...
On 7/29/2021 at 11:55 AM, Mark said:

I'd define it was wanting to be in a romantic (or similar) relationship with someone.
With romantic relationships being those where ideas like being "in a relationship" or "in a couple" are very important. Possibly even more important than what happens within that relationship.

That doesn't sound very healthy... /nbr

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