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Hi, i thought i gave up on finding a label, but here i am, trying to figure out my sexuality. The thing is im pretty sure im aro spec or ace spec. Idk if a romantic relationship could work with me. My relationship goals have always been a deep connexion with someone, but platonic. But i realize not a lot of ppl want this. idk if i can rly feel love or only infatuation because all my previous romantic relationships were awkward and i felt like i forced myself to be someone i didnt want to be.

the thing is, in absolute terms if i have to be in a romantic relationship id be more comfy if the relationship doesnt involve sex.

i can feel sexual attraction but only in non romantic context. is there a word for that? tbh i dont even know if its actual attraction or if im just mistaking. everything is confusing.

thanks for reading that message anyways. hope yall have a good day

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Trying to let go of labels is REALLY HARD! I definitely feel that. 

 

So far it seems like you don't experience much, if any, romantic attraction. A couple questions you can ask yourself could be:

- If I never got married, would I be upset?

- Have I ever looked at anyone and wanted to date them, or does it take time to get to know them, or not at all? 

- Does the idea of a romantic relationship seem appealing? 

That's just a start, of course, and a really nice place to start would be the 'YMBAI' (You Might Be Aro If) Thread to try to see if you relate to any of the stuff there. 

 

In regards to sex, I'm not quite as versed at that, since I'm still trying to figure it out myself. I'm kind of in the same boat as you, where if I do have/want sex, I don't want there to be any strings attached, or rose petals or candles. I don't know if you've checked out AVEN at all, but you should definitely explore over there if you haven't for more aspec stuff. 

 

Good luck trying to figure stuff out, and don't say yes to anything you're not sure about! I know the labels thing is really hard, but don't think 'what would an ____ do,' just make decisions for yourself. 

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Hi Scarf, thanks for your reply! i can answer pretty easily to these questions, but idk what i can do with these answers honestly

 

3 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

- If I never got married, would I be upset?

I think that i would be upset, but honestly my idea of a perfect marriage is platonic, not romantic or sexual. id love to share my life with a friend, if that makes sense.

 

4 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

- Have I ever looked at anyone and wanted to date them, or does it take time to get to know them, or not at all?

Oh i dont rly understand looking at someone and instantly wanting to date them, ive wanted to date ppl in the past but these were ppl i rly knew for quite some time

 

4 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

- Does the idea of a romantic relationship seem appealing?

in theory, yes absolutely. relationships portrayed in media are very cute. but when i actually try a relationship im just uncomfortable and i feel like me and my partner dont feel the same and i feel like i fall out of my infatuation pretty quick (a matter of days or weeks)

 

Im gonna check the YMBAI thread. and also figuring out my sexual orientation is too exhausting, so rn im just doing researches on my romantic orientation. i feel like im gonna stay unlabelled anyways, because ive been questionning for years and still dont have a satisfying answer

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On 6/8/2021 at 2:43 AM, Swag gender said:

I think that i would be upset, but honestly my idea of a perfect marriage is platonic, not romantic or sexual. id love to share my life with a friend, if that makes sense.

That sounds awesome! So you aren't really looking for a long-term romantic relationship. 

On 6/8/2021 at 2:43 AM, Swag gender said:

Oh i dont rly understand looking at someone and instantly wanting to date them, ive wanted to date ppl in the past but these were ppl i rly knew for quite some time

This could also fall somewhere near demi-sexual, so you might relate closer to that label. Also, today was demi-sexual day in the pride month, which is pretty cool.

On 6/8/2021 at 2:43 AM, Swag gender said:

in theory, yes absolutely. relationships portrayed in media are very cute. but when i actually try a relationship im just uncomfortable and i feel like me and my partner dont feel the same and i feel like i fall out of my infatuation pretty quick (a matter of days or weeks)

I feel that! Doesn't sound like a whole lotta romantic attraction there. :) 

On 6/8/2021 at 2:43 AM, Swag gender said:

Im gonna check the YMBAI thread. and also figuring out my sexual orientation is too exhausting, so rn im just doing researches on my romantic orientation. i feel like im gonna stay unlabelled anyways, because ive been questionning for years and still dont have a satisfying answer

Again, it's all up to you, but those were some questions that helped me along. Hopefully you can just understand yourself a little better through this exploration. 

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