What do you think of romance? What type of aro person are you?

[Alexander]

I mean, what's your relation with romance? Personally I think I'm romance indifferent - I don't feel very repulsed by romantic things and I don't feel anything at all when I kiss people or call them pet names. I just don't feel anything, neither good or bad. 

 

However, my opinion about romance in media changes over time. Sometimes I'm just so fucking tired of useless romance forced into the movie. I call it "romance tired". On the other hand, I love some romantic ships and I love shipping characters in shows/books (I ship them both in romantic and (queer)platonic ways). So when it comes to romance in media I'm just changing between romance tired and romance positive all the time. It's sometimes frustrating. 

 

When it comes to real life romance, I'm indifferent almost all the time. Sometimes I have those days when I think that maybe I'm missing out and I start to have a mental breakdown wondering how does romantic attraction feel. But those days are really rare, I had maybe a week of those in this whole year. Otherwise I'm a proud romance indifferent aromantic guy. 

 

So basically irl I'm romance indifferent, I just don't care. When it comes to media, sometimes I'm tired of romance and sometimes I enjoy it (I don't really like romance comedies or any movies focused purely on romance simply because I find them boring, I have a few exceptions tho. But I like to ship characters when I think that they suit eachother. I don't like when movies force romance into the plot without a reason though, because it's often between characters whose relationship just doesn't make sense to me and I would rather see them as friends or even enemies because I don't ship them at all).

 

What's your opinion on romance? Are you positive, indifferent, repulsed, complicated or just tired? 

[roboticanary]

Same with being romance indifferent, I don't get repulsed by public displays of romantic affection, or by people acting in a romantic way towards me. It just doesn't do anything for me.

To be honest I have never really got the idea of shipping, I have no idea why I would want two fictional characters to get together or not. Romance in any media is just something that frustrates me because it is often used to provide motivation, like this character should do something because they are in love and I just don't get it. There have been a few times where I have been reading a book or watching a TV show and think to myself that a character should just give up with that relationship and lead a quiet life. (it would probably make a boring story but oh well).

 

[Lovebird]

I'm a romance-favourable aro, though I don't focus on more mainstream romance like that on TV as I found that a bit boring. Romance in fanfiction & shipping in general is much, much more interesting to me, especially if the ship is not canon in the actual story. I find the storylines more interesting than any soap opera. I'm not interested in friendship or platonic shipping because I am aplatonic, it doesn't do things for me. 

Irl, I do actually have a boyfriend whose also arospec, we've been together for 4-5 years. It's long distance, and we're going really strong but I often wonder what it's going to be like once we've met up. He's very affectionate while I'm not as much, it's going to be an interesting dynamic lol.

I don't really feel welcome in a lot of aro spaces because of those things and often worry if I'm faking it. I worry I'd be kicked out of IRL aro spaces because of it. 

[Daydream_dog94]

romantic advances on me kind of weird me out. like, i dont know what to do with this info but thanks, i guess.. XD i am the ultimate friend zoner its not even funny lol

i always found it odd that my favorite genre of manga is yuri romance. like, besides a few other fantasy series, yuri is pretty much all i ever read and enjoy, especially the romantic aspect of it.

for a while i felt like maybe i wasnt aro because i like romance, but ive worked through that pretty easily. its ok when its other people, but when it involves me, i get super uncomfortable.  i woudnt say im repulsed tho, like, im open to the idea and would be willing to try for the right person. like, if i met someone who i felt was special to me and being romantic was something that would make them happy, i would try. but other than that special condition, i never really have romantic urges. 

[Erederyn]

I'm mostly romance-indifferent and romance-repulsed at times. I'm very romance-tired with media, so I mostly just try to avoid media with a lot of romance. Media with some romance that is done in a way that is subtle and isn't the main focus is okay. So things like rom-coms are definitely not my thing haha.

I don't mind romantic PDA as long as it's not over the top (like if a couple started to make out in front of me hahaha). Otherwise if it's holding hands or being cuddly or a quick kiss, it's no problem to me. I mostly find it rude when people become so absorbed in the display of affection that it makes me wonder why I'm even there. 

I get romance-repulsed when romance is forced upon me or when people are being super amatonormative (especially when assuming that everyone wants romance). Then it's more anger/irritation which makes me repulsed and romance-negative. Also just general discomfort when people ask me about dating. 

[Nessa]

I don't mind romantic things in tv, books, music or wherever but I have not interest for it in my life not even a platonic relationship. So I guess I may be romance indifferent too. I am also bored when there is too much romance in movies and it just annoys me when they put romance out of nowhere in a movie when it has absolutely no sense.

I am wondering if someday I meet someone that interests me I would try to have a relationship or not but I have to say that until now I can't even imagine this situation happening. I stay open and will see what will come to me. I've never had romance advances in my life by anyone so I don't even know how I would react. 

 

 

 

[Georgi]

I think I may be somewhat romance-favorable? I am not really sure... actually this prevented me to take the aro label for a long while. To a great extent, I resemble to Georgia from Loveless (even the names are close ;))). While growing up, I loved romance in movies, tv shows and books, so I thought I wanted that too. However, there were no sign of stuff... and then at the of my bachelor's I've decided I should focus on some other aspects of life too... so I've decided I should look for someone, because I was feeling kind of old (22 years). Then I had a few close guy friends (mind you, I grew up in a place where heteronormativity and amatonormativity, for the matter, are dominant), and I thought I had crushes... but when thinking of having romantic relationships with them, something was off... I thought I have to ignore that feeling, as I thought it's just anxiety and I just have to step out of my comfort zone and finally be like everyone else and not a 'weird'... luckily nothing happened, and I was relieved when I've confessed my feelings to one and he said he doesn't like me more than as a friend (at that moment, I thought my feelings were romantic... later I've come to the realization that not really, as they were no different than I'd feel for my girl best friend* and I couldn't imagine what I was going to do if he said yes... in a way, I secretly desired for him to say no... what made me go and tell him that then? coding my feelings wrong, not having proper terms for them, and, of course, peer-pressure... all my friends were like ohh, if you feel so strongly for a guy, you must tell him and get into a romantic relationship and bla bla... also the guilt that I hadn't had any romantic relationship or interest until that age... yes, I was feeling strong for him, and the fact that I liked him was no lie, but not in a romantic way for sure, as I couldn't imagine doing romantic stuff with him...). So I've felt broken, because I was wondering why can't I find someone who likes me and that I like them back too (there were a few people that showed some interest outside of those close friendships - for many, the way they acted was coded as romantic interest too, but I guess it was amatonormativity - but I would keep them at distance, thinking that I just haven't find the right person). It took me a while to get over some internalized arophobia... and I do love hearing my friends talking about romance and also see it in movies and books (but when it's well constructed, not thrown there just for the sake of it)... but then, when I'm thinking of me in a romantic relationship, something feels off and I can't picture myself in one. And I don't know the reason, because I can form really strong and committed friendships. But lately I have decided to give more credit to that feeling and go for the aro label. And I've started to accept that even if I love romance for others, it's okay to not want it for myself.

*I've also considered that maybe I am bi-grayromantic and polyamorous, but yeah, that seems really far-fetched. Aro seems much closer to what I feel.

[Blake]

Between romance favorable-indifferent-repulsed, it will depend on the specific subject.

If it is media, I try to avoid it because I want more out of the media I consume. If a director has to use romance to advance a plot, that person should evaluate its skills, since you have so many things you can use for it. It is a matter of lack of imagination, that I really avoid romance in media in most cases. There are exceptions, but they are scarce.

If it is directed at me, I am a bit repulsed and uncomfortable since I cannot reciprocate those feelings and will never be. So I would rather not be in that situation at all, and if I am, then it will be an awkward one.

Now, I am romance positive in most scenarios, as long as I am not involved. I don't mind seeing kisses or romantic gestures. I know it is not for me and I am fine with it, if someone else likes it then yay for them. The one thing I don't like is when someone wants to feed me their romance perspectives. Trying to minimize platonic relationships, making it look "less than". I don't impose my views and I would like the same treatment toward me, nothing less.

[Karst]

In general, I'm not all that interested in stories where the main plot is a romance, although there are a few exceptions.  If it's just one plot thread alongside many other elements in the story, that's more interesting to me.

To be perfectly honest, I'm a bit weirded out by the dynamics of some straight romances in media.  A lot of the pairings in movies and TV seem unhealthy/unstable/forced in one way or another. 

In real life, I think romantic love can be a wonderful thing ... for other people.

[Guest luigi lucheni]

On 6/4/2021 at 5:29 AM, roboticanary said:

To be honest I have never really got the idea of shipping, I have no idea why I would want two fictional characters to get together or not. Romance in any media is just something that frustrates me because it is often used to provide motivation, like this character should do something because they are in love and I just don't get it. There have been a few times where I have been reading a book or watching a TV show and think to myself that a character should just give up with that relationship and lead a quiet life. (it would probably make a boring story but oh well).

 

me too!! now i've learned a tiny bit of the pattern of getting in love. though it's still difficult for me to identify the romantic relationships of fictional figures, now i can tell who's interested in me among the real people that i know.

[mewix]

I dunno I don't really care too much anymore, I just don't like that explicit overt stuff tho a lot of the stuff in media is unrealistic anyway even sometimes harmful.  I just don't like how it becomes center stage of so many stories instead of a small side thing perhaps I don't really care enough. I don't watch too many dramas or that anyway they have too much like everyday heavy stuff that I can't relate to I watch it and I feel like it's so bizarre I might as well watch something from a far away non-western foreign country it would probably still be more relatable lol. Well anime can be ha.

Shipping is a weird thing tbh. I used find it really annoying tho I have gotten to like it in some cases mainly in one show it is interesting to think which main characters could be a couple and what their dynamic would be however to constantly ship everyone and everything is kinda weird. Still I have seen some characters who arent canon in the show but seem like cute together dunno I don't really care enough most of the time x3 I think most of those I think of r homo pairings tho 

irl idk I more just want things to feel like friendships I just find all that romance stuff forced and unatural. I think my sexuality is homo leaning (allo) but still vibe with the opposite, I just wanna chill tho. Still some romantic gestures are cute I do it if it makes someone happy cuz i like 2 see other ppl happy but generally buying gifts for someone who is a friend or taking them to a nice spot is cool. Not sure i'm aro completely tho I always had a low want for romance but then again other things influence me to not want like the way people act clingy and the want to be like myself i guess. I just want to be able to share things with ppl and be happy. 

 

 

[Elin W]

I learnt about both asexuality and aromanticism in December - so I’m new knowing about it but I’ve felt this way all my life. It took me more thinking to realise I was asexual, but I knew aromanticism was my identify as soon as I learnt about it. 

As long as I can remember I simply haven’t got it, I haven’t understood what “romantic love” is all about. I was indifferent to it growing up which made me an outsider (I guess I’m an outsider in other ways too....) When being a teenager hearing other girls talking about them wanting a guy who would take care of them - my spontaneous reaction was to just laugh - why wouldn’t they be able to take care of themselves? 

I grew up religious and my faith has always been very important to me. Which also means that I thought “that thing about finding the love of your life” can wait until later. When others my age in church were struggling with their both sexual and romantic attractions (having the ideal to wait until marriage you know ? that was the ideal in the church communities where I grew up) I was just indifferent and often annoyed as well. I has always been the quiet listener to my friends’ talking about being unhappy in love or feeling sexual attraction for people who didn’t want them back. 
 

ive always thought my indifference and repulsion to romantic love has had to do with my parents’ relationship. They haven’t been mean to each other but they’ve never been romantically interested in each other, I think. At least that’s how they’ve talked about it - of course they’ve had love for each other and affection, but never in a sentimental way. And they’ve never shown affection towards each other the way that is expected I think in western society. I’ve always thought that “I’m never going to settle for someone just because, I’m going to wait until I really FEEL real love for somebody”. But that feeling has never happened to me. 

I can enjoy thinking about romantic love sometimes. It’s the same with sex for me, I enjoy thinking about it certain weeks (not every month though). When I do I can read romantic and erotic books - but romance books without sexual content usually bores the hell out of me. And the interest always fades away after a couple of days..... I’ve always been wondering about this and thought myself to be so weird. Why do I never feel these things in my own life, why do I only enjoy reading about it sometime? I’ve been wondering about what’s wrong about me for my whole life (I’m 37) and then I read about both asexuality and aromanticism in December and it has given me a whole new perspective on my life. And also this community - to know that others are feeling similar and have similar experiences, that means a lot to me. ?

[Guest Cam]

I love romance in theory. That is, when it comes to other people, and a lot of fictional characters, I'm obsessed with romance and with shipping. For me, though, the idea of any sort of romantic... anything between me and another person makes me sick. Even just the idea that somebody could like me romantically makes me uncomfortable sometimes. So yeah, basically, when it comes to anyone/anything else, I absolutely love the whole concept of romance, but the slightest thought that somebody could be romantically interested in me, ever, just makes my skin crawl. It wasn't always that way, though. When I was younger, a friend admitted to "like-liking" me, and to little me (who even then knew I was aro even if I didn't have the words for it), it was the coolest thing ever. 

As a whole though, the concept of romance is great, as long as I don't have any part in it.

[Nessa]

10 hours ago, Elin W said:

I learnt about both asexuality and aromanticism in December - so I’m new knowing about it but I’ve felt this way all my life. It took me more thinking to realise I was asexual, but I knew aromanticism was my identify as soon as I learnt about it. 

As long as I can remember I simply haven’t got it, I haven’t understood what “romantic love” is all about. I was indifferent to it growing up which made me an outsider (I guess I’m an outsider in other ways too....) When being a teenager hearing other girls talking about them wanting a guy who would take care of them - my spontaneous reaction was to just laugh - why wouldn’t they be able to take care of themselves? 

I grew up religious and my faith has always been very important to me. Which also means that I thought “that thing about finding the love of your life” can wait until later. When others my age in church were struggling with their both sexual and romantic attractions (having the ideal to wait until marriage you know ? that was the ideal in the church communities where I grew up) I was just indifferent and often annoyed as well. I has always been the quiet listener to my friends’ talking about being unhappy in love or feeling sexual attraction for people who didn’t want them back. 
 

ive always thought my indifference and repulsion to romantic love has had to do with my parents’ relationship. They haven’t been mean to each other but they’ve never been romantically interested in each other, I think. At least that’s how they’ve talked about it - of course they’ve had love for each other and affection, but never in a sentimental way. And they’ve never shown affection towards each other the way that is expected I think in western society. I’ve always thought that “I’m never going to settle for someone just because, I’m going to wait until I really FEEL real love for somebody”. But that feeling has never happened to me. 

I can enjoy thinking about romantic love sometimes. It’s the same with sex for me, I enjoy thinking about it certain weeks (not every month though). When I do I can read romantic and erotic books - but romance books without sexual content usually bores the hell out of me. And the interest always fades away after a couple of days..... I’ve always been wondering about this and thought myself to be so weird. Why do I never feel these things in my own life, why do I only enjoy reading about it sometime? I’ve been wondering about what’s wrong about me for my whole life (I’m 37) and then I read about both asexuality and aromanticism in December and it has given me a whole new perspective on my life. And also this community - to know that others are feeling similar and have similar experiences, that means a lot to me. ?

I relate so much to what you say. Always felt appart from everyone different, weird. I had friends wwho couldn't accept that I wasn't interested in having relationshi and hurt me so much.

I also found out a few months ago about aromanticism  and just by reading about it I just knew that was me. I am 39. For the asexuality actually it never was important to me I have never see sex as somthing important in life.

 

[nonmerci]

I love romance for other people and in fiction. However, since I discover I am aro, I became more upset with forced romance, because often romance in fiction only happen as an obligation and ended up to undevelopped to make sense (at best; sometimes it is developped and still don't make sense).

However for me, this is no. I don't want a romantic story.

[Holmbo]

I don't really understand why other people want romance. Deep down I think I believe that they could learn not to want it and it's just a cultural thing ?

[Atlamillia Pixie]

I'm good with romance in real life, for my friends and family. While I personally don't get what all the fuss and drama is about, I'm happy they are happy. But I'm also the first person to recommend that people break up if they are having problems. Don't stay together if your miserable, just get out and be done with it. 

I'm okay with romance in fiction (especially if is well written and the sexual tension is delicious) but adding romance for unnecessary conflict or having it coming out of nowhere for the sake of having a romantic subplot/ romantic partner for the protagonist is *sigh* dumb, makes me sad, and gives me a headache. 

Any and all romance directed at me specifically makes me uncomfortable. I have never been more uneasy and on edge than I did when I was with my ex. I'm never doing that again... ?

[PissLover2]

I'd say I am romance indifferent in most things. A lot of time, specifically in movies, I don't really care about romance and it mostly feels forced to me. In specific tv shows/games I am romance positive, I really like shipping and characters getting together but again I feel as though a lot of relationships are forced, particularly straight ones. IRL I'd say I am romance positive, I love seeing my friends happy with their partners and SOMETIMES with very, very few people I wouldn't mind cuddling. I like kisses and more sexual things like that since I am allosexual but romantic things make me feel really uncomfortable most the time.

[eatingcroutons]

For myself, I don't want verbal or physical affection directed my way in real life - I absolutely cannot stand pet names, and am not generally interested in kissing or other physical affection outside of sexual situations.

For my friends, I love seeing them being affectionate with their partners - it makes me happy to see them happy.

In fiction, I have very little interest in stories where the focus or the purpose is about characters falling in love and getting together. I also get exasperated by stories where characters "fall in love" with little more pretext than the old Avril Lavigne justification.

But I do enjoy stories where romantic feelings make things complicated or messy or painful in interesting ways. Where romantic feelings are unrequited, or where characters are attracted to people who would be *terrible* for them, or where falling in love makes life more difficult for everyone involved. In that sense I "ship" literally anything and everything that I think would make for an interesting story.

[Georgi]

On 6/11/2021 at 10:08 PM, Atlamillia Pixie said:

But I'm also the first person to recommend that people break up if they are having problems. Don't stay together if your miserable, just get out and be done with it.

This! I always recommend to my friends to "break up" (now I've started saying "do what is best for you" because I don't want to appear like me wanting them so badly to be single ?) and before I've never understood what is making these people going back and staying in the relationship after going through some continuous or frequent ugly situations...

[GaiGantic]

I used to be repulsed by acts of romance a lot but eventually I became more tolerant towards it 

I still am uncomfortable by pda and the idea of a romantic dates but I do like to enjoy romantic media some of the time particularly rom coms and music 

Rom coms can be fun to kill time because of the cheesy quality and the satisfying happy ending while romantic music can be great because of the raw emotion that comes from it particularly break up songs the pain, ache, and melancholy can be beautiful but other times it can be draining

Edited June 18, 2021 by GaiGantic
I got bad bad grammar and I got more I want to say

[cynthia]

I think I'm closer to the repulsed side of things. Not completely there but not romance-neutral either. I absolutely hate pet names, whether or not they're used to refer to me. Also don't talk to me about how much you love me, no. The idea of weddings also make me physically sick.

When it comes to media though, yes please. I love cheesy romcoms and romance books and other stuff like that, as long as it's nowhere near me irl.

[mintly]

On 6/13/2021 at 9:46 PM, eatingcroutons said:

But I do enjoy stories where romantic feelings make things complicated or messy or painful in interesting ways. Where romantic feelings are unrequited, or where characters are attracted to people who would be *terrible* for them, or where falling in love makes life more difficult for everyone involved. In that sense I "ship" literally anything and everything that I think would make for an interesting story.

I write creatively and this is definitely true for me as well. I'm romance-indifferent in real life, but part of what makes fiction and literature interesting for me (as either audience or author) is getting to know the inner life and motivations of someone completely different than yourself. And I enjoy the more dramatic and "not so happy" side of things in fiction, including fictional romance, even though I'm pretty optimistic and easy to get along with in person. If I ever had to explain myself to someone who didn't understand I'd say it's kind of the same principle as, you might find an action movie or horror story interesting, but you wouldn't want to live in one, right?

[eye]

I'm romance favourable and repulsed. HAH, weird right? I'm repulsed by intense forms of romance and puppy love. Though I am romance favourable when it comes to romance that doesn't really look like romance. Just treating each other like friends and goof off together. None of that lovey dovey stuff.

[dewy]

It's a bit complicated. For the most part I'm indifferent, but sometimes I feel repulsed or just romance tired, as OP put it. Sometimes when my alloro friends have a crush it feels like it's all they talk about and it can get annoying.

But when it comes to romance in fiction, I'm definitely favorable. It's so much more interesting than real life romance and the dynamics between the characters can be so fun.