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Aromanticism is so invisible and it sucks


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Posted (edited)

Yeah it’s all in the title

aromanticism is just invisible, nobody talks about it, nobody knows about it, nobody outside the aspec even uses (or knows!!!!) the SAM. not using it denies that aromanticism even EXISTS because NOBODY cares about romantic orientations

Being aromantic is just like being non-existent. And I HATE IT.

 

 

edit: I don’t hate being aromantic. I hate that nobody knows anything about us.

Edited by Acecream
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I feel you so much. I just want to feel understood, not just "accepted". The fact that the identity is pretty much invisible outside of the people who directly identify with one of the aromantic or asexual oreintations doesn't help. Honestly, it's painful to hear close friend after close friend and family member after family member completely misunderstand and miss the mark when they're trying to be supportive to me. Just now when trying to explain my  (aromantic) feelings, one of my close family members compared my experience to someone expriencing depression (a medical illness) and it was really discouraging. No matter how many times I try to explain or make the people close to me understand, I am confronted time and time again with the wall between us even when they're trying to be accepting. I know they want to make me feel better about myself and my identity, but their words have the opposite effect and I feel more isolated from them than before trying to open up. It sucks because I know many of them are in general accepting of differen't sexual(/romantic) orientations... If only aromanticsm was explored more in the public eye, people would at least have an idea of what kind of experiences aromantic people deal with. Forgive me for the rant, but I wanted to get this off my chest.

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OK, try to see it another way - maybe you'll get it and make it part of your own set-up.

1) Is romance necessary for survival? Is romance necessary for reproduction? NEITHER, so not a necessary need. You can live, have children without it.

2) Is it then a cultural construct? YES. Is it, then a secondary need, necessary in order for you to function as an efficient member of your society/country? If YOU think it is, you then, as an aro, must decide whether you need to lie so you can feel integrated/accepted ("I'm between relationships", "I'm still looking for the right one", "I chose religion", "I'm saving myself for the right time"... and all that BS)

3) Family pressure: all over the world there are lifelong single uncles/aunts who have important roles - you can be that kind of person whom everyone looks at as a little quirky but has different pursuits

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I also find it very hard that people don't know about aromanticism because not knowing that it exists they make you feel that you are not normal and they make pressure on you because they don't accept that we don't have romantic attraction, this need to be in a relationship. 

They say there is something wrong with you, you should see someone to talk about it, you don't want to be happy...

It hurts so much that people don't accept you the way you are because you are not in the norms of the society. It hurts that they don't understand that you don't want any of this, that you don't feel the need of it. 

Life can be tough when you are aromantic. 

Sorry for my english I havn't practise for a while.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Nessa said:

you should see someone to talk about it

Let me say as someone who did talk to someone about it, it was actually thorough my therapist that I discovered the existence of asexuality and aromanticism. I'm really grateful for my therapist who knows the basics about asexuality and aromanticism and listens to the podcast Sounds Fake but Okay. It does suck sometimes the invisibility of the orientation. 

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3 minutes ago, FragileDear said:

Let me say as someone who did talk to someone about it, it was actually thorough my therapist that I discovered the existence of asexuality and aromanticism. I'm really grateful for my therapist who knows the basics about asexuality and aromanticism and listens to the podcast Sounds Fake but Okay. It does suck sometimes the invisibility of the orientation. 

Thank you that is great to know that some therapist are so open minded about aromanticism. Hopefully one day everyone will hear about it too and we will finally be understood.

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This resonates with me. I once spoke to my own mother about my aromantacism and it was painful. She first misheard me and thought I said “I’m a romantic” and she said “I always knew you were with all that romantic music you listen to!” So then I corrected her and she said “well don’t label yourself” as if I wasn’t sure. She was fine with me labeling my self as romantic, since that’s widely accepted and well known. But labeling myself as aromantic? Well now let’s not be too hasty! It really sucked. But I don’t need her understanding to live a fulfilling aromantic life. It does make me wish aromance was more popularly known and accepted.

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4 hours ago, Hellishfish said:

“well don’t label yourself”

Oh wow that’s exactly what my mother said aswell.

in addition to: „I don’t think it’s good to label yourself, do you really need that? I just don’t want you to stick yourself into a box.”

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Yes, everytime you come out you have to turn into a dictionnary and it sucks.

21 hours ago, Acecream said:

in addition to: „I don’t think it’s good to label yourself, do you really need that? I just don’t want you to stick yourself into a box.”

I remember when I was having a discussion about Jughead in Riverdale and someone said "we should not learn to teens to throw themselves into their box because then they'll close themselves to romance" or something like that. That's just so stupid. Usually when we identify with a label, we have a reason. Of course it could turn out we were mistaken, but that doesn't invalidate anything we felt on the moment.

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