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The Future


Skyela
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Posted (edited)

Hi,

I'm aromantic and just graduating university. I'm starting to see friends getting engaged, married, kids etc and I need some inspiration and motivation for what life in the future should look like when it's not heteronormative!

So I guess my general question is: If you're younger, what do you imagine your dream life should look like? If you're older, what does your current life look like (unless you're still striving for your ideal!). 

Not trying to start an existential crisis for everyone but please do send along any thoughts so I can solve mine! :>

Thanks in advance, skye (also not sure what forum this fits into exactly)

 

 

Edited by Skyela
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I just graduated uni as well, so I'm interested to see what others have to say here!

I don't really have many answers (I'm relatively new to identifying as aro) but I've been doing some research and I think I want some kind of alterous relationship or a QPR in the future. I'm not sure how formal the relationship might be, but I like the idea of maybe sharing a house with them and generally being there for each other. I would enjoy having maybe a couple of QPPs but I'm not sure how likely that is, given how few people seem to be looking for that kind of relationship. 

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3 hours ago, Rainy Robin said:

I would enjoy having maybe a couple of QPPs

Personally, I'd probably want a few QPPs too. I'd also want some kids, one or two (with my QPP(s) or alone, I just want to be a dad eventually). Pets will also definitely be in my future lol

I'm younger, and when I imagine my ideal life in the future it's just a bunch of my really close friends and I being a part of each other's lives lol

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I have a job now, and live in my own apartment. I have only lived here for a couple of months so I'm settled but not rooted. I have the good fortune to have a nice and sociable brother nearby, and have started hanging out more with him and his girlfriend since I moved here. There is a sense that while I live alone, I am not alone, since I have family nearby that I know I can trust, and friends online that I can always reach out to. I still do plan on getting my own house eventually with cats. Once I start dreaming, also horses. And I have been joking about getting a full on mansion and moving my friends into the wings, but that is more of a dream scenario than something I have a practical plan for x)

Some other stories, as inspiration/real world examples just to know they're out there. I know at least it makes me feel better to know they're there x)

I have an uncle that, while I can't say if he's aro, never got himself a partner, but lives an apartment shared with friend(s) (I don't understand exactly if there are two of them in one apartment and one in the one right next door, or something like that) Bottom line is, three dudes, in the same building, hangs out a lot and plays DnD. I feel like when this was spoken about, there was an undertone of them being losers. The nerds who never got wives. But the more I think about it, the more that life sounds amazing. Being a single nerd who plays a lot of DnD with friends sounds amazing. 

Also my grandmother, even while she is the one who still tells me I will "meet the right person someday" did tell me two stories of people who didn't live that traditional life, in a way that suggested she thought this was completely valid, albeit slightly unusual. One was her aunt-in-law. As her husband's mother had died early, her father-in-law had a lot of help raising his kids from his sister.  This aunt-in-law had never married, but lived in a house with another of her brothers. They had a nice garden, and that is about all I know. The other story was of a friend of hers, maybe older I think. Who worked in a hotel (this was so long ago that 'the woman had a job' was a thing worth mentioning about her). She also never married, even though she was, according to my grandmother, very good looking with beautiful brown eyes (the implication being, she could have had any man, had she wanted one). Not immediately relevant, but I think it is interesting to bring up that these non-heteronormative lives were options, even a hundred years ago.

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As a mature man (retiring in 10 years 🦁), here's a couple of insights:

  • you need an occupation that keeps your intellect clicking
  • stay fit but social, so team sport AND/OR music - also, some hangouts with like-minded (aros and aces, or die-hard singles) people
  • reading time, cultural time, museum time, tourism time... it's never idle time!
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20 hours ago, Rainy Robin said:

I would enjoy having maybe a couple of QPPs but I'm not sure how likely that is, given how few people seem to be looking for that kind of relationship

Like having “polyamorous” QPRs (Polyplatonic :D) or not at one time?

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3 hours ago, Acecream said:

Like having “polyamorous” QPRs (Polyplatonic :D) or not at one time?

Exactly like a polyamorous QPR! From what I've heard about polyamory, it's more about intimacy (and not strictly sex and/or romance) with more than one person. I'm not active in the polyamorous community so I'm not sure if this is totally accurate to say, but I think it can be easy to make space for QPRs and other non-traditional relationships within the polyamorous framework. 

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I think I want to move out with my QPP and adopt a bunch of cats together. I would also love to have a kid but I don't know if it's even possible because my partner hates children (but maybe they will change their mind, you never know). Maybe we could also get married for tax benefits. I think that's pretty much it. 

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I've thought a lot about the question about having kids as well. I don't want kids of my own, but I think the idea of volunteering in some sort of youth mentorship program could be really cool. That way I could "parent" kids without actually being a parent. 

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Thanks everyone who has replied - lots of inspiration and great advice! I think alot of fulfillment seems to come from community involvement (and animals). QPPs is an interesting route too and not one I've really explored yet. I guess my quandary is that I love to travel and have moved countries a few times since I've become an adult - hard to put down roots like pets or seeing people consistently when that's the case!

(Please keep replies going, really enjoying this thread!)

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My goals for the future are to progress in my career, make enough money to move out... I have a few pets/livestock and would like more if I have enough time to care for them. I also volunteer with a local youth group and don't plan on stopping anytime soon. 

I don't want a partner or kids. I have enough of a community that I don't feel lonely.  

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Posted (edited)

I just wanted to say I'm enjoying seeing what other people have to say. I'm at a point where I'm really trying to think about what I want my future to look like, especially as someone who has only fairly recently accepted that I'm aromantic.  A number of years ago I came across the spoken word performance by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye - "An Origin Story" that I absolutely love. I have always thought that's a friendship goal of mine to have some kind of close relationship like that (I'm not exactly sure if I believe in stuff like soulmates even platonic ones). As I don't really have many friends I'm not exactly sure if that would look more like a best friend, QPR or something else. The only thing I am certain about is that I see myself with a dog. 

Edited by FragileDear
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Hello,  I am about to be 39 and I am doing great, enjoying life by trying to do many things, learn always more, travel when I can. I have good friends who are there for me when I need them especially one. And now I have decided to try to realise my childhood dream to be an actress. I am doing so many things, have tried plenty of things before. And never get bored. I have this freedom by being aromantic do not have to take in consideration anyone else so my time is 100% for me to do whatever I want, whenever I want. The only thing that stops me is money 🤣 I wish I could travel more and even get the opportunity to live in other countries : I have spent 11 months in Ireland and 3 months in Peru when I was younger and would very much like to have this opportunity again.

Sorry for my english.

 

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For me the important thing is to keep my life fresh. I have a fulfilling job and a few close friends and family members. And every now and then I experiment with new things to do in my spare time. For instance, I've recently started inline skating, and I've begun volunteering as a language coach for non-native speakers of Dutch who are learning the language and want some informal conversation practice. The downside of almost everyone speaking at least a moderate level of English in the Netherlands is that we immediately switch to English when we hear people struggling with Dutch, which is not helping them to become better. I'm also starting a Spanish course in the fall. I travel a couple of times a year all over the world.

So basically everytime I feel I'm becoming stagnant, I do something new.

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