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Aros in Romantic Relationships


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If you're aromantic and in a romantic relationship, I'd love to hear more about your experience! I don't think I've seen much discussion of this topic, but I'd love to hear how others have navigated these relationships. 

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  • 1 month later...

I wish I heard more about it also. I figured out I was somewhere on the aro spectrum after being in a relationship for several years, and the lack of aros in romantic relationship stories definitely hindered that realisation. There's just an abundance of stories about aros not wanting those relationships (which is valid), but it does give the impression that being aro means to not want a romantic relationship. It took figuring out that I was a sex favourable ace, then applying that same logic to aromantism, to slowly come to the conclusion that I might be aro.

I identify as aro because I don't typically experience romantic attraction or have crushes, with the possible exception of my current partner. Growing up I'd always wanted to be in a relationship, but had never liked anyone in that way. Even with my partner it took a while for those feelings to form. it wasn't until after we'd been friends for awhile and then accidentally gone on a date that I realised that I liked him (maybe I'm demi? I'll probably never know). I'm 30 now and I still haven't experienced anything that I'd consider a romantic crush to anyone else. Do people normally crush on others when they're already in a relationship? I don't know, but don't see any reason why not.

I wouldn't describe our relationship as overly romantic as we don't do valentines day, anniversaries, etc,. He's my best friend and most favourite person, I just like to be around him and want to spend my life with him. There's not much else to it really.

wow, even just writing out 'I'm in a relationship and I love him' has started me doubting my aro-ness again...

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11 hours ago, BronFTW said:

There's just an abundance of stories about aros not wanting those relationships (which is valid), but it does give the impression that being aro means to not want a romantic relationship. It took figuring out that I was a sex favourable ace, then applying that same logic to aromantism, to slowly come to the conclusion that I might be aro.

It is interesting how there are comparatively way more conversations about sex-favorable aces than romance-favorable aros. I oftentimes wonder how much of that is because of the accessibility of the term aro? I would imagine that there are probably more romance-favorable aros out there who don't identify with the term simply because they haven't heard it before. 

11 hours ago, BronFTW said:

I wouldn't describe our relationship as overly romantic as we don't do valentines day, anniversaries, etc,. He's my best friend and most favourite person, I just like to be around him and want to spend my life with him. There's not much else to it really.

Thanks for sharing! It's really helpful to hear how others experience these things. :)

11 hours ago, BronFTW said:

wow, even just writing out 'I'm in a relationship and I love him' has started me doubting my aro-ness again...

Oops, sorry about that! Questioning can be so frustrating sometimes. 

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I have been in four romantic relationships.  My happiest, most successful one was with another aro.  The others were pretty much disasters from beginning to end, although I did sort of like my first girlfriend.  Still ended very unhappily though.

I realize I may end up in a romantic relationship again.  However, for now, I am happy having just friends...especially in this era of COVID.

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Currently in a romantic LDR with my boyfriend of 4-5, who also happens to be arospec.

We're both romance - favourable aros, we talk about shipping & fanfiction a lot so that's fun lol

Though it's difficult as I often feel not really aro for being in a romantic relationship. I personally think romance-favourable aros, greyros, demiros ect arn't taken seriously and are considered 'allo lite', if you're an aro in a romantic relationship, you're considered a weirdo or 'crazy' 

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