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Aromantic or demiromantic who doesn't have close bonds with people?


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Hi, everyone.

I'm aware that no one but me can decide on a label for myself, but this question has been keeping me up at night, so any help is appreciated.

I'll be as objective as possible: I've never had any romantic interest on anyone, period. That much is clear. But I'm also an introvert, I spend a lot of time by myself and I have a really hard time making friends and connections. Actually, I wonder if I have any friends at all.

So I wonder if I could maybe feel romantic attraction if only I were closer to people. The problem is, no one my age is interested in making friends anymore. They are seeking a romantic partner right off the bat.

Can anyone relate?

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I think the more pertinent question is, does the distinction matter to you? Which label do you want to use? Labels exist to serve our communication needs. Instead of focusing on what you could potentially be, try turning it around and focusing on what you want to tell other people.

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It's impossible to tell. Unless you want to ask a Magic 8 ball to predict the future for you or something.

I have close friends, but I am still aware that I could possibly be demiromantic or demisexual for all I know. I think identifying based on a hypothetical possibility is silly. As of right now, and based on the past few decades, I'm aroace, and if one day I end up falling in love or experiencing sexual attraction I'll think about calling myself something else then.

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Maybe choose the label you want to be true and then you can always change later if it doesn't fit anymore. If you'd like to try to find a romantic relationship you could id as demiromantic. Or you can just say you're questioning. That's a valid identity too, there are people who spend their lives never really being sure if they maybe are capabel of feeling romantic attraction.

I recommend reading about relationship anarchy cause it could help you think about relationships in a more individual organic way rather that just having to categorize them as binary romantic or platonic. For example you could look at this relationship anarchy smorgasbord to reflect on what kind of items you're looking for in different relaionships. b8wpopb56r4y.jpg

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😆 that figure is excellent.

"Romantic: Chemical Reaction" Be sure to wear safety goggles!

"Kink: sadomasochism, masochism, sadism ah yes they have truly captured the full spectrum of kink 😂 

Edited by Rolo
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On 4/18/2021 at 8:18 AM, Rolo said:

Kink: sadomasochism, masochism, sadism ah yes they have truly captured the full spectrum of kink

yeah,  they could really have done a much better job there.. Picking a small set of examples from kink and all three are from a very narrow part.

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I do agree with the others that you choose a label that you feel more comfortable with, whether it's a reflection of what you feel now or a reflection of something you might want. So if you think you might want a romantic relationship one day, then you can identify as demiromantic to capture that even if you are unsure of whether experience romantic attraction (or even if you are sure that you don't experience it). 

I don't want to derail this thread, but this version of the RA smorgasbord is a bit better. 

image.png.ef9ecf956064d398e3748b6cc78c3660.png

Edited by Erederyn
not -> now
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I think the other people answering have got to the point really well, especially Jot-Aro Kujo's point

On 4/15/2021 at 2:49 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

does the distinction matter to you?

 

One other thing to point out is it is very easy to get into a rut of thinking that nobody is interested in friendship and that form of connection, everyone just wants romance. Trust me on this, whatever your age there will be some other people  who would be happy to make a meaningful friendship, it is difficult sometimes to find them but they do exist. Whether you want to go through the frustration of trying to find them is up to you. Whether you would or wouldn't like to form these strong friendships is also a part of your identity to think about, but they are around.

 

1 hour ago, Erederyn said:

this version of the RA smorgasbord is a bit better

wow, that is a great. Better thought out box for kink, includes legal connections as a category which is really important. Also nice to see intimate touch and social touch as their own categories.

Sorry to further derail that thread but could you please tell me where that particular version board came from.

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I appreciate all the responses. You guys are right, I'll never know for sure (unless I happen to fall in love one day).

If I'm being prefectly honest, I think I just don't like being aro and I'm grasping at straws :(

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On 4/21/2021 at 3:18 AM, maybeimamazed said:

If I'm being prefectly honest, I think I just don't like being aro and I'm grasping at straws :(

Hey, that's fine. there are plenty of people who are or were on here with the same sort of thoughts.

To find out that the way you see life is different and that what for so many people is a major goal in life is not something you are desiring is not easy.

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