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evolution of my sexuality/ personal identification/ labels


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the matter of my sexuality was never a thought in my mind. i was never really "attracted" to anyone and didn't really care/ think about it.  just thought, you're either gay straight or bi (i was like 12) so i assumed I must be bi because i didn't really have a preference.  after learning from the internet that there are more than 3 sexuality's when I was 14, i adopted the label "pansexual" because once again, gender was never really a considering factor.  not that I was considering in the first place. i was still pretty uninterested with sex and romance/dating, didn't see the appeal and also, just didn't ever naturally find myself thinking about it.  yeah, in theory i should be pan sexual/romantic but it took another 2 years to realize that im not romantically or sexually interested at all. which led me to "asexual".  it was a very blunt and kind of flat realization. like, "oh yeah.. that actually makes sense haha" because i still feel the same way i did when i was 12, (im now 22) the only thing that changed was my understanding of that feeling, my knowledge of sexuality in varying stages of youth, and the label i identified with.   

 

just thought this was worth sharing.  i was thinking about this on my drive to work today because i recently told my mom im aro/ace and she took it ok i guess mind the "maybe you just haven't found the right person" comment  (i let it slide because her understanding of asexuality is archaic lol) .. but in an effort to understand she then asked if i was "confused" when i told her i was pan 8 years ago? and i know she means no harm, but the way she said it just rubbed me the wrong way.. so i had a conversation with myself in the car trying to explain it to her in an imaginary conversation lol.  just helps to talk/write stuff out and i feel its kind of relevant to the topics discussed here :) imalso not sure if i should put this in off topic or a main thread? its kind of just a personal ramble 

 

feel free to share your evolution story!

Edited by Daydream_dog94
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I get the imaginary conversation part so much omgs, and the bi and pan parts
My personal evolution story (that’s honestly such a cool name for this it reminds me of Pokémon) is a fun time lol. In 6th grade, I thought I had a crush on one of my (girl) friends. I’m afab and I thought I had an attraction to boys that was mainly just gender envy, but I ended up going on tumblr and identifying with the labels “demipanromantic asexual”. At the end of 6th grade, I was using that for my romantic/sexual orientation, and “non-binary transmasculine demiboy”. Eventually I grew into myself more and deleted tumblr, and found just trans ftm and bisexual fit me better. That was during 7th grade. During 8th grade I had my first relationship and a lot of it was not what I wanted, so I broke up with them. Earlier this year, one of my new friends had a huge crush on me and we had a little thing? Nothing official because “I wasn’t ready for another relationship so soon” but honestly I think the whole thing made me really uncomfortable after a month or so. Now I’m looking at arospec labels because they feel most comfortable right now. I still think I’m probably bisexual, I might be on the asexual spectrum but that might also be my dysphoria. Even if I end up being alloallo, I think there’s a good chance I’ll still be romance repulsed. It’s just not a comfortable position for me at all. Maybe something with polyamorous dynamics but otherwise no lol. 

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6 hours ago, Gabriel14 said:

I get the imaginary conversation part so much omgs, and the bi and pan parts
My personal evolution story (that’s honestly such a cool name for this it reminds me of Pokémon) is a fun time lol. In 6th grade, I thought I had a crush on one of my (girl) friends. I’m afab and I thought I had an attraction to boys that was mainly just gender envy, but I ended up going on tumblr and identifying with the labels “demipanromantic asexual”. At the end of 6th grade, I was using that for my romantic/sexual orientation, and “non-binary transmasculine demiboy”. Eventually I grew into myself more and deleted tumblr, and found just trans ftm and bisexual fit me better. That was during 7th grade. During 8th grade I had my first relationship and a lot of it was not what I wanted, so I broke up with them. Earlier this year, one of my new friends had a huge crush on me and we had a little thing? Nothing official because “I wasn’t ready for another relationship so soon” but honestly I think the whole thing made me really uncomfortable after a month or so. Now I’m looking at arospec labels because they feel most comfortable right now. I still think I’m probably bisexual, I might be on the asexual spectrum but that might also be my dysphoria. Even if I end up being alloallo, I think there’s a good chance I’ll still be romance repulsed. It’s just not a comfortable position for me at all. Maybe something with polyamorous dynamics but otherwise no lol. 

yep! gave me Pokémon vibes too lol and thanks for sharing! i can relate to alot as well being afab and thinking i had to be attracted to boys and also how its possible my dysphoria could be a slight factor behind my aromantic/asexual orientation. i also think its really cool you are finding comfort in arospec labels now, its nice to know there is a community of similar people to vibe with!

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