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Aros as 'hardworking'?


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I want to know if anyone else has experienced this - Where you often get comments about being a hardworker or people are in awe of the things you've achieved, even if you don't feel like it's much. 

I have a Masters degree, and I'm continuing to study for a second Masters full-time while working part-time. In my spare time I volunteer and try to learn new things. I've always shied away or become uncomfortable when people try to compliment me with comments about my achievements because I really don't feel like anything has been that challenging. I think I'm now realising that other people devote a lot of their time and energy towards relationships and romance, whereas I don't, and maybe that's why I am perceived as hardworking or high-achieving. 

Just wondering if others have any similar experiences?

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I get the standard "wow you've got a PhD? So impressive! That must have been really hard." sort of comments every now and then. But anyone who knows me well will tell you I'm a very lazy person and would never do anything that actually requires real hard work. The success that from the outside looks like it must have taken a lot of dedication and effort was actually achieved because I find research easy and fun.

I don't think being aro has anything to do with it. I work with people who achieve much more than me, I have friends who devote most of their free time to volunteering, I know someone who has learnt 7 different languages for fun... all whilst also having romantic relationships. My sister has a husband and 2 children and she is far more successful career-wise than me, because unlike me she has grit and is extremely ambitious. It's just a matter of personality, interests, and skill/intelligence. Personally I put whatever time I might otherwise dedicate to pursuing romance towards hanging out with my friends.

Edited by Rolo
So many typos.
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21 hours ago, Rolo said:

I don't think being aro has anything to do with it. ... It's just a matter of personality, interests, and skill/intelligence.

Yeah, agreed. I know plenty of people who work hard and lead ambitious and successful lives while being in romantic relationships. I've always been a hardworking and busy person, but I don't think that has anything to do with being aro - I also put a lot of time and effort into maintaining my non-romantic relationships.

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I am the queen of procrastination so I won't describe myself as hardworking. However I think it is easier for single aro who are like that because they live alone at home and so have more time for focus on their work.

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  • 1 month later...

I guess being aro does impact this because I know I will never have a long term romantic partner to split work with. So I know I will need to both do any work at home to keep the house in check or it won't get done. Any money I make I have to make myself and I am completely responsible for scheduling what I am doing and when I am doing it.

 I doubt I have any more innate work ethic but I reckon I have more need to do things myself.

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I'm really not hardworking at all, but people do see me that way. I just see that I have a lot of free time around my job, some hobbies and some friends/family. Maybe most people have that free time filled up by romantic relationships, kids and stuff like that?

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One thing that this reminds me of is that when I was younger and my family knew I wasn't in a romantic relationship they kept saying, mostly jokingly, that I was 'just focusing on my work'.

Perhaps people get in their heads that if someone isn't in a romantic relationship they must be choosing not to to work on other parts of their lives. 

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