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What would you tell your younger self?


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If you could reach back in time and tell yourself a bit about aromanticism what would you tell them?

Personally I would focus on setting up the idea that the idea that romance is more important than friendships is one you can and should question. I would also tell myself that the ideas about nerdy guys being terrible with romance as a trope is silly, and that the reason I am uncomfortable with the idea of romance is that I just don't desire the experience.

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I would tell myself that not wanting romantic relationships does not necessarily mean commitment/intimacy issues. Also that if something doesn't feel right (e.g., dating), that I shouldn't force myself to like it or do it just because it's something that ~general society~ deems necessary or in the hopes of "fixing" myself (as if romance were an acquired taste).

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I would tell a younger me that she is Aromantic, she is not broken or too young to understand. It's simply not in the cards for her and that's okay. Friends, family, and pets have all of the love she will need. She is built different and society needs to catch up. Oh, and wanting sex/ being allosexual while being Aromantic doesn't make her a terrible person or is "lesser/worse" than wanting sex in a romantic context. All she had to do is communicate clearly about what she wants and embrace her most authentic self. 💚

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It depends on how far we’re going- back to 5/6th grade, I’d tell myself to listen more to my one friend who used to identify with aromantic. Anytime before that I’d just tell myself about the LGBTQ+ community in general. If it were 7/8th grade, I’d tell myself that I don’t have to say yes to anyone (although I do think dating my ex was a pretty pivotal part of figuring this out, so maybe I wouldn’t say anything at all lol). If it were earlier this year, I’d give myself a bit more push in this direction, and maybe I’d get to where I am on my understanding of myself sooner y’know? But overall I don’t think I’d say much to myself at any age because my process of figuring my romantic orientation has felt very me and I’d like to keep that similar to what happened y’know?

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Regarding gender, I'd tell 10-11 yr old me to realize that I was always my own thing, and that not everyone felt that way.

Sexuality to 10-11yr old me: having crushes is normal, you ain't. your aroace dude
 

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