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Any ideas on how can I come out to my friends?


Alexander
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So I have a little problem. I've figured out that I'm aroace. I already came out to my mom, my boyfriend (we broke up after that but he's still my friend) and my best friend (nonbinary). I am in a QPR with this best friend, their name is Rainn. But the problem is the rest of my friends think that I am pansexual (I came out to them as pan before). They know I broke up with Max (ex boyfriend) but they do not know why I did it. I was in five romantic relationships before I discovered that I am in fact aroace. So my friends still think that I am allo and they believe that I love Rainn romantically. How can I explain them that I'm aro, even though I was in relationships before? And how can I explain to them what a QPR is? I'm afraid that they won't believe me, since they think I do experience romantic attraction because I was in romantic relationships before and had a "crush" (which actually turned out to be a squish). Any ideas, please? 

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I suppose it depends on how close you are with your friends and how much they know about aromanticism. You could for example warm them up by just talking about aromanticism, dropping hints. Or you could just plan a moment to just come out directly (with some of my friends, I did this with a fun powerpoint). Either way, I think it's good to have them read some basic resources on what aromanticism is. 

You could also explain that many aros have been romantic relationships before, either because they experience some romantic attraction, because they simply want to regardless of romantic attraction, or because they thought they had to be in romantic relationships (amatonormativity). Behavior =/= attraction and attraction =/= behavior, and sometimes it just takes time for people to figure themselves out! If you're willing to, it could help to explain your journey. People change and/or realize things about themselves as time goes on, and I think that this is something that people can understand. Your past doesn't invalidate your present. 

Explaining QPR is hard because not only can it differ per person but it's more abstract. It could help to send some resources, such as this infographic: https://shades-of-grayro.tumblr.com/post/190216590460/queerplatonic-relationships-an-introduction-image

It might take some time for your friends to wrap their heads around this, but if they are truly your friends, then they will accept it even if they don't fully understand it. But I get that it can be nerve-wracking. 

P.S. I'm glad to see that things ended up working out with Rainn! 

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