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do i love my best friend?


Guest confusedgamergirl
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Guest confusedgamergirl

so, i'd like to start this out with, i'm autistic and really bad at understanding my feelings, and this relationship is online, so i have no tell-tale hormonal/physical giveaways

now that that's out of the way

me and my best friend have been such for four years, and she's easily the most important person in my life

we've dated shortly a few times out of young curiosity, but always ended up gliding back to friendship

i'm just, confused because, i feel like i see her as a daughter figure, and often take a motherly role, but i'm also not repulsed by the idea of romantic involvement, and i get incredibly jealous of her romantic partners, or even friends, despite not being the jealous type

i don't find myself thinking of her sexually like i have other love interests (that haven't worked out), but i don't know what that can imply,, can i be romantically attracted to her, without being sexually?

she recently professed that, she doesn't like when i refer to her as my child (jokingly), because "like it or not, we've dated loser"; she doesn't care what our title is, and wouldn't mind dating me, just as long as we're together

and it made me realize that i feel the same

but is that love?

i hate feelings

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Hi! From what you’re describing, you could be romantically attracted to her. To answer your question, yes! You can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to someone. For example, someone could be romantically attracted to women but asexual. However, overall it could either be romantic or a strong platonic bond that you both have. It could also be a form of a queer-platonic relationship (QPR). I think, and this might not be the answer you’re looking for, that you could also just have a unique bond that you both have to set the parameters for and decide what you are together. I wish I could help further but feelings are hard so it’s often really hard to tell, especially for people on the outside. I’m also aro/ace so feelings are weird. Lol. Hope this helps at least a little!

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People debate and debate what does or doesn't constitute love all the time, so I think what matters more is whether or not you feel it's accurate or useful to describe the feelings as love or not. What type of relationship it is defined as also pretty much comes down to the personal perception of the people involved. But yes, you can feel romantic attraction separate from sexual attraction! So that's certainly one possibility. It could be platonic or alterous attraction too, or it could be more nebulous than any of the common descriptions of attraction. I think as long as you and your friend are on the same page about boundaries and what you want from the relationship, than the specifics don't really need to matter much unless having certain titles/labels is important to you both.

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