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cowgirl326

Wishing I could help romantic friends?

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Even though I'm aro. :/

 

I wish I knew how to help my romantic friends. : ( It's all the longing for a partner that...I don't understand the want for?? I'd be up for a QPR, as long as it's not society's boxed up version of awkward dating.

 

I don't know how to help them. 

 

 

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You might have a unique point of view and different advice to give than their other romantic friends. Or, they may just need a shoulder to cry on from time to time.

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If you ever try to help them and realize that they do not understand your aromantic point of view (which is always the case with my friends), just making them laugh or talking about something completely different might be the best help you can offer. It's a good way to remind them that they can still have fun and be happy outside of their romantic issues.

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If you don't known what to do to help, and don't think you can leave it be/leave your romantic friends to ask other friends for help, you could always search the internet for other people's experiences/advice. It might not work out, but it's another option.

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I find that sometimes my unique perspective helps. Like since I'm not blinded by a romantic perspective, I can point out the BS in the situation, but sometimes it can be really difficult to relate to one or both of the people in the relationship, know what I mean? For example, when one of my friends was with someone who wasn't good for her, I could objectively give her advice about it. But my other friend, who is dating a guy who is actually nice, wants to know what she's supposed to do as a good girlfriend and stuff like that I'm clueless. It makes him feel good to buy stuff for her and it makes her feel obligated to do things for him and she's like "What should I do?" and all I can say is "idk man does he like bread" xD

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I think being aromantic actually helps a lot, or maybe it's just me being an emotionless robot in general.

 

Like, since I'm unable to relate to their romantic point of view, I feel that I can give them advice on what to do as a normal, not-in-love, rational person. I think this keeps me, and them, grounded in reality, instead of giving in to flights of fancy as people in love are wont to do. 

 

It may be a disadvantage, not knowing the appropriate response for some things ("OMG he just kissed me should I talk about the kiss or ignore it because like what if it was an accident..." or "Help! I think I'm in love with so-and-so? And I can't stop thinking about them and all I want to do is cuddle..."), but sometimes people do need a outside perspective and dose of rational thought, and that's where you come in. Oh, also, always talk about the kiss, because no one kisses on accident and if it were an accident, they'd probably have said so between five hundred variations of an apology.

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On 6/11/2016 at 2:24 PM, hangryeowyn said:

I find that sometimes my unique perspective helps. Like since I'm not blinded by a romantic perspective, I can point out the BS in the situation, but sometimes it can be really difficult to relate to one or both of the people in the relationship, know what I mean? For example, when one of my friends was with someone who wasn't good for her, I could objectively give her advice about it. But my other friend, who is dating a guy who is actually nice, wants to know what she's supposed to do as a good girlfriend and stuff like that I'm clueless. It makes him feel good to buy stuff for her and it makes her feel obligated to do things for him and she's like "What should I do?" and all I can say is "idk man does he like bread" xD

I just had Willow telling Riley that Buffy likes cheese pop into my head...

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2 hours ago, Ettina said:

I just had Willow telling Riley that Buffy likes cheese pop into my head...

 

buffy watches 1990s Twilight episodes?! :o

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I can totally relate to this. I have a very close friend who has recently had trouble with some guy, and I'm pretty much the only one she feels like she can talk to about it. It just makes me feel like such a shitty friend when I have no advice to give her about love because I can't put myself in that situation. 

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