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This is directed at alloaros


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Romantic attraction is all about belonging and being completed by the person. The desire for them to be "all that you need" and be "all that they need". Wanting to have sex with them is sexual attraction. It certainly doesn't help matters when alloros-allosex mix the two though, so much heartache for me over the years has stemmed from that conflation by average society.

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Tbh, as an alloaro, this is actually a pretty difficult question to answer, at least for me lol. I legit cannot comprehend romantic attraction- the only way I know it exists is due to romance repulsion on my part more than anything. I've never experienced romantic attraction myself though so I literally can't describe it the way I can describe sexual attraction. In my experience, sexual attraction is all there is for me, so it is quite impossible for me to define the differences specifically, as like. How can I even begin when I don't even know what romance really is. It's like-- there was an non-ace aro youtuber, Nik Hampshire, who described it once along these lines- there's a "folder" in my brain for sexual attraction, but there isn't a "folder" in my brain for romantic attraction. My systems literally Do Not Compute along those terms. Sex is yes, romo is null.

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I suppose it is just that sex is a set of actions which I want to do. I could look at someone and think 'I'd tap that', but I wouldn't look at that same person and want a long term relationship with them, or I would want to date them.

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17 hours ago, Bas said:

there was an non-ace aro youtuber, Nik Hampshire, who described it once along these lines- there's a "folder" in my brain for sexual attraction, but there isn't a "folder" in my brain for romantic attraction. My systems literally Do Not Compute along those terms. Sex is yes, romo is null.

nik is great; everything he says, i'm like, yes, exactly!  and yeah that was a good explanation.  like my folders of attraction would be sexual, platonic, and aesthetic (not sure whether i count the last since it's the same admiration one also has of inanimate objects/vistas but let's go with it).  

anyway, i don't see any similarity between sexual attraction and the concept of romantic attraction.  i've wanted to do sexual things with particular guys but just as i've never had such a thought about any woman and would be repulsed by the idea, i've never felt toward anyone a desire for anything romantic and i'm romance-repulsed (the same no matter the gender of the hypothetical other person).

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