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questioning - please help!


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sorry this is my first time here - i made this account today.

 

i was wondering if i am aromantic. i’ve been questioning it for a while but i’m worried i think this just because i recently realised i’m asexual and therefore think i ‘should’ be aromantic as well.

these are some of the things that have been confusing me:

1. i’ve never had a crush before (i’m not even sure what that feels like) but a big part of me does want a relationship with a guy.

2. i’m very affectionate with all my girl friends (hugs/cuddles, kisses on cheek, etc.).

3. i’ve never felt that uncomfortable with romance in books or movies.

could i actually be aro without adhering to most of the aromantic stereotypes?

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Just saw this and had a weird sense of deja-vu...

Turns out it is because I just answered you back on AVEN x)

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7 hours ago, rockyaro said:

sorry this is my first time here - i made this account today.

 

i was wondering if i am aromantic. i’ve been questioning it for a while but i’m worried i think this just because i recently realised i’m asexual and therefore think i ‘should’ be aromantic as well.

these are some of the things that have been confusing me:

1. i’ve never had a crush before (i’m not even sure what that feels like) but a big part of me does want a relationship with a guy.

2. i’m very affectionate with all my girl friends (hugs/cuddles, kisses on cheek, etc.).

3. i’ve never felt that uncomfortable with romance in books or movies.

could i actually be aro without adhering to most of the aromantic stereotypes?

1. There are a lot of aros who still want to be in relationships/like relationships in theory, so the lack of attraction but desire to be with somebody still makes you aro! 

(also, squishes (platonic crushes) are pretty common for aros to have and often get confused for crushes)

2. Although those things can be considered romantic-coded in context, there also present in a lot of non-romantic relationships! I say as long as your friends are ok with that level of affection, theres nothing wrong with expressing your platonic love that way

3. I go back and forth on this, but I would consider myself a mainly romance-positive/favorable when it comes to fictional depictions of love! Aros can have a varying level of comfortableness with romance (fictional or real) and not everybody is gonna be exactly the same!

 

Overall, nothing sticks out to me as "not aro" because there are so many different ways to be aro. Thats what makes aro/ace identities so unique! 

I think reading through other people's experiences with their romantic/sexual attraction has helped me understand this concept better, so feel free to explore

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2 hours ago, GhostyPeppers said:

I think reading through other people's experiences with their romantic/sexual attraction has helped me understand this concept better, so feel free to explore

I find this to be true also. I remember something clicked for me when I read this comic, for example. The confusion of a romantic person is helpful when explaining what romantic means, I found x)

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Hey there, other newbie here! I agree with GhostyPeppers. I wanted to bring to light the identity of cupioromantic, which is the first label I assigned myself. When I saw that label's definition, I cried. "Cupioromantics have a desire to be in a romantic relationship, despite not feeling romantic attraction." I desperately want to be in a romantic relationship, I love reading slash fics that are heavy on comfortable romantic partnerships, but the only time someone I might have considered a possible partner said they had a crush on me, I shut down.

It's obviously different for everybody, as you are no doubt well aware, but hopefully a little more light on a different edge of the topic helps. And because it always bears repeating, aro is a broad umbrella term that may not yet include your label, so you may be the person who brings a new label into being under it! It's not fun to feel alone in your identity, so keep exploring. Maybe you find something that suits you, maybe you don't.

Do you have any specific quesitons? 

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On 1/3/2021 at 12:27 PM, rockyaro said:

could i actually be aro without adhering to most of the aromantic stereotypes?

Yes of course!

What aros have in common is the lack of romantic attraction. But then, all aros are different. Some are repulsed by romance, some are not, some would even enjoy being in a romantic relationship. It all depends on the person.

Personally I don't want romance for myself, but I can enjoy it in fiction, depending on how it's written.

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