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How do you find a QPR/sexual relationship when you are AroAllo?


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I've been struggling on this for sometime. I've been thinking of a QPR/sexual relationship of some sort, but it feels super difficult to find one that is amenable to what I want out of a relationship. I don't want to try anything with an alloro person, as frankly the stress of them potentially generating romantic feelings for me would just turn me off of the QPR completely, but it seems as if there's no way to find another aromantic and/or aroallo person easily. As I'm autistic it's double hard for me to form meaningful relationships with people/make friendships with those who aren't neurodiverse, so that also narrows things down by a lot. What is the best way to go searching?

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Where do you live? Are there any groups for aromantics there? For example on facebook. You could start by posting there. Don't post about looking for a sexual relationship, that might seem too much upfront. But instead maybe say you'd like to meet other aroallos and talk about the difficulties you face. Then if you get contact with someone you could see if you too find one another sexual attractive, it might lead in that direction, or else you'll have some platonic connections.

If there aren't any aromantic groups, try LGBT+ settings, or polyamourus or relationship anarchy groups. You can't guarantee someone wont catch feelings, but you could approach people who already have a romantic partner but aren't monagamous. That way they already have their need for romance satesfied.

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Im alloaro and I also thought about getting into a somewhat sexual QPR. Im still not fully out as aro but I've been working on it. Hopefully I would try to use some of Holmbo's advice for myself.

I wanna try out qprs in general just to see how they work. I wish the best of luck to you, Bas!

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12 hours ago, Holmbo said:

Where do you live? Are there any groups for aromantics there? For example on facebook. You could start by posting there. Don't post about looking for a sexual relationship, that might seem too much upfront. But instead maybe say you'd like to meet other aroallos and talk about the difficulties you face. Then if you get contact with someone you could see if you too find one another sexual attractive, it might lead in that direction, or else you'll have some platonic connections.

If there aren't any aromantic groups, try LGBT+ settings, or polyamourus or relationship anarchy groups. You can't guarantee someone wont catch feelings, but you could approach people who already have a romantic partner but aren't monagamous. That way they already have their need for romance satesfied.

There aren't any groups for aros in my local area (at least none that I've seen, anyways), but then again I'm not too active on facebook, so it might be a good idea for me to look there! I've recently tried looking into poly & LGBTQ groups, like you've said, along with kink communities, but I haven' checked out anything about relationship anarchy, so I'll give that a try too. I'm just being real careful with things atm tbh-- I said this before here I think? But I want to lessen the possibility of romo feels as much as possible. I'll keep up with the effort nonetheless. Thank you for the advice :aroicecream:

4 hours ago, GhostyPeppers said:

Im alloaro and I also thought about getting into a somewhat sexual QPR. Im still not fully out as aro but I've been working on it. Hopefully I would try to use some of Holmbo's advice for myself.

I wanna try out qprs in general just to see how they work. I wish the best of luck to you, Bas!

I'm in the same situation pretty much lmao. Not out as aromantic or bisexual rip, & seeing as how I have a mostly sapphic lean, & the wlw community is so focused on romance, it's even more of a hassle to find a sexual QPR with a woman on top of the closeted thing hhh. Nonetheless, I wish you luck on the sexual QPR front too! May both of our endeavors be fruitful.

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I get the struggle. I haven't used it myself yet, but I was recently recommend an app called Lex, in which you post short personal ads. It's for queer people and there are people looking for a variety of relationships/connections (romo, friendships, fwb...). Perhaps that's another option to try out! 

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