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for you, what is the most difficult part to be aromatic?


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For me, the worst part is that I end up alienating the people that I like a lot. Because, from the moment I discover that they want to have something more than just friendship I end up alienating them¬†and I end up losing their friendship. And sometimes I fell like what I fell is always insufficient, that people always expect and deserve more than I can fell for them.ūüôĀ

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For me, one of the worst parts is that I find it difficult to have the kind of meaningful relationships that I want. I tend to feel like I'm more committed to friendships and that I take them more seriously than other people. I sometimes feel like I'm dispensible because I'm "just" a friend. I want to have close long-term platonic relationships, friends that I can make a life with, but some people think that's not normal or that it's silly to have those sorts of relationships.

 

17 hours ago, Venuxxx said:

For me, the worst part is that I end up alienating the people that I like a lot. Because, from the moment I discover that they want to have something more than just friendship I end up alienating them¬†and I end up losing their friendship. And sometimes I fell like what I fell is always insufficient, that people always expect and deserve more than I can fell for them.ūüôĀ

I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't want to give any unsollicited advice/comments so apologies if I overstep here and you can just ignore me if so¬†ūüôā It's totally valid to feel that way (I also used to feel like this), but you also don't owe people anything just because they feel something for you that you can't reciprocate. While it may not be what they want, it doesn't mean it's insufficient. Your feelings and your way of caring can be just as meaningful. You're not responsible for how they react and if they can't accept that you would prefer to be friends with them, then that's on them as well. You alone are not at fault here. And this isn't only for aro people, this is for everyone. It can be hard to accept this, and I also felt for a for some time that people "deserved more from me" but I now realize that that's not so and that I'm giving them as much as I can and that is still beautiful and enough.¬†

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For me, the most difficult is that this is not well-known. Things get better I think, but a lot of people still don't know what it is. So to coming out to my parents for instance, saying "I'm aromantic" is not nough, I should explain what it means, and probably face their disbelief that it is actually a thing and that I am happy that way. (I'm pretty sure my mother must think I'm a lesbian because she says to my homophobic dad "that's not a problem if your children are homosexual if it makes them happy, and that's better than staying alone".. which of course, is not helping me to come out).

 

19 hours ago, Venuxxx said:

Because, from the moment I discover that they want to have something more than just friendship I end up alienating them and I end up losing their friendship. And sometimes I fell like what I fell is always insufficient, that people always expect and deserve more than I can fell for them.

Friendship is already beautiful and meaningful in itself. That's sad some people don't realize that.

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Not keeping people around. People I know finding lovers and rarely seeing me again, simply because they will value that romance far higher than any friendship (even if it is a train wreck).

A close second would be being judged for desiring sex without romance, I realise that even if I treat those I have sex with with respect and good friendship I will still be seen as taking advantage.

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I got to agree with @nonmerci that trying to explain aromantism is difficult to say the least, it's part of the reason I'm not out to my family. Getting the dismissive "oh, you just haven't met the right person yet" or "oh you grow out if it eventually" kinda sucks. I know they mean well and that they want me to be happy, but they don't realize that  not everyone wants/ needs the same things to be happy. I don't want nor need romance/ romantic attraction/ a romantic partner in my life to be happy and that's valid af.

I have not run into the "wanting sex without romance" problem yet due to the pandemic, but it seems inevitable... unfortunately. 

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