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Hi everyone!

So, in a book I am writing, one of the character has a fluide sexuality : sometimes he is "fully" asexual, sometimes on the grey area. I think it is the label aceflux in this case. A scene I just wrote made me wonder some things :

1) Is it common for grey people to be sex repulsed? I was wondering if this was possible as my character can sometimes feel sexual attraction though not in an intense way, so it could change how he feels about change I guess.

2) Does sexual repulsion can fluctuate the same way sexual attraction  fluctuate?

3) For what I read, for some aceflux sexual attraction can be something one day and another the next day. Now for my character, the fluctuation takes more time, like period that can last during week.  Is it consistent?

 

Thanks for your answers.

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I'm not gray ace but I assume gray aro experiences would translate pretty well into gray ace ones so maybe this will help. Just take my answers and replace aro with ace.

On 12/6/2020 at 4:35 AM, nonmerci said:

1) Is it common for grey people to be sex repulsed? I was wondering if this was possible as my character can sometimes feel sexual attraction though not in an intense way, so it could change how he feels about change I guess.

It varies a lot. We're probably less likely to be repulsed than full aro people because we still feel romantic attraction, and I don't talk to a ton of other gray aros so I wouldn't know their thoughts on it. But personally I don't really use the repulsed/favorable/indifferent terminology because I don't feel like it works very well with my experiences. Sometimes I'm romance favorable, sometimes I'm indifferent, sometimes I'm repulsed.

On 12/6/2020 at 4:35 AM, nonmerci said:

2) Does sexual repulsion can fluctuate the same way sexual attraction  fluctuate?

It's gonna be different for everyone but for me it does. Not necessarily consistently with my romantic attraction, like I haven't had a crush in a few years but i still get random days when i think a romantic relationship sounds amazing even though there's no one I'd actually want to do it with right now or in the immediate future.

On 12/6/2020 at 4:35 AM, nonmerci said:

3) For what I read, for some aceflux sexual attraction can be something one day and another the next day. Now for my character, the fluctuation takes more time, like period that can last during week.  Is it consistent?

I've gotta be honest, I think some people just make very overblown assumptions of how non aros/aces experience attraction. Like I've seen "allosexual" defined as "you regularly feel strong sexual attraction to people you don't know" and that's ridiculous, nobody just wants to bone five strangers a day unless there's a health issue going on. Nobody feels attraction 24/7 the exact same every day esp considering there are so many different factors that can affect one's attraction. Sometimes, even for people who are fully alloromantic allosexual, there are days when they're just not particularly feeling attraction and that's totally normal. And this description...just sounds like a typical allosexual person to me.

Edited by El011
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7 hours ago, El011 said:

I've gotta be honest, I think some people just make very overblown assumptions of how non aros/aces experience attraction. Like I've seen "allosexual" defined as "you regularly feel strong sexual attraction to people you don't know" and that's ridiculous, nobody just wants to bone five strangers a day unless there's a health issue going on. Nobody feels attraction 24/7 the exact same every day esp considering there are so many different factors that can affect one's attraction. Sometimes, even for people who are fully alloromantic allosexual, there are days when they're just not particularly feeling attraction and that's totally normal. And this description...just sounds like a typical allosexual person to me.

i wonder whether you might be thinking more of sex drive?  like if i see a hot guy, yes, i pretty much "want to bone" him, but not necessarily at that exact moment lol like i'm not about to just go up to him and try my luck, i just think 'nice' and move on.  not 5 people a day, no--i don't think 'regularly' means that often.  and like when i'm with my friend with benefits, i don't want to have sex all the time of course but i don't stop being attracted to him when we're just hanging out, or when we're not together.  like, to the question "are you currently sexually attracted to anyone?"  i would include people i've recently slept with, people i've recently repeatedly seen and been attracted to (like a guy at my cottage whom i haven't seen since the summer but who occasionally crosses my mind), any hot celebrities i can think of...like, no person on the asexual spectrum would say that.  i don't mean to be argumentative, just giving my point of view, and of course it's all a spectrum so people who identify as allosexual could absolutely have a different experience to this. 

@nonmerci, i can't give any insight into an aceflux experience besides to say that becoming not-attracted to a person or to people in general when you recently were does not match my allosexual experience. 

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On 12/16/2020 at 3:49 AM, El011 said:

I've gotta be honest, I think some people just make very overblown assumptions of how non aros/aces experience attraction. Like I've seen "allosexual" defined as "you regularly feel strong sexual attraction to people you don't know" and that's ridiculous, nobody just wants to bone five strangers a day unless there's a health issue going on.

As fleeting thoughts or fantasies I don't think it's rare to happen five times a day, if we take the studies about it seriously. It's an altogether different thing to actually want WANT WANT it, wholeheartedly. Or to experience really strong sexual attraction, so that it's the dominant feeling at a moment.

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Thank you all for your responses, it was helpful.

On 12/16/2020 at 3:49 AM, El011 said:

It's gonna be different for everyone but for me it does. Not necessarily consistently with my romantic attraction, like I haven't had a crush in a few years but i still get random days when i think a romantic relationship sounds amazing even though there's no one I'd actually want to do it with right now or in the immediate future.

Thanks! So I'm going to keep his sexual repulsion.I may just give it a less intense, I don't know, I didn't imagine it would be so affected at first. But I think it could be a good way to do "show don't tell" in regard to his sexual orientation, even if of course not all asexual are sex-repulsed.

On 12/16/2020 at 12:01 PM, aro_elise said:

i can't give any insight into an aceflux experience besides to say that becoming not-attracted to a person or to people in general when you recently were does not match my allosexual experience. 

Thanks! So it may be consistent. I just wanted to know if his sexual orientation fits the label, but anyway I don't say the label (in a medieval universe he doesn't have the word), so knowing that it's not an allosexual experience is already useful.

On 12/19/2020 at 11:22 PM, DeltaV said:

As fleeting thoughts or fantasies I don't think it's rare to happen five times a day, if we take the studies about it seriously. It's an altogether different thing to actually want WANT WANT it, wholeheartedly. Or to experience really strong sexual attraction, so that it's the dominant feeling at a moment.

 

On 12/16/2020 at 12:01 PM, aro_elise said:

i wonder whether you might be thinking more of sex drive?  like if i see a hot guy, yes, i pretty much "want to bone" him, but not necessarily at that exact moment lol like i'm not about to just go up to him and try my luck, i just think 'nice' and move on.  not 5 people a day, no--i don't think 'regularly' means that often.  and like when i'm with my friend with benefits, i don't want to have sex all the time of course but i don't stop being attracted to him when we're just hanging out, or when we're not together. 

Thanks for that too! I also planed a scene with an allosexual explaining to an asexual what is sexual attraction, and that will be very helpful.

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For the first question I think it’s definitely possible for greysexual people to be sex repulsed, although experiences vary. For me sometimes sexual attraction is weird I recall one time when I felt sexual attraction and was sex repulsed at the same time, like the thoughts/fantasies I had didn’t bother me (they were towards a specific person that I knew and it was an ongoing thing) except when I started thinking about what if I were to actually act on these thoughts.

2), sexual repulsion can also fluctuate. I also feel some fluctuation in that area. Nowadays I find myself to be on the favorable side but sometimes I’m indifferent and occasionally I’m repulsed. it can also appear towards different things, like I’m not really repulsed if it’s a scene in a comic or a book, but if it’s a tv show then I get very uncomfortable. when friends talk about it around me I tend to feel indifferent. If it’s just my own thoughts and fantasies I’m favorable most of the time, but my thoughts can also lead me to feeling repulsed depending on what I conjured up in my head. but also how I feel in general like I can think of it too much then get grossed out.

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22 minutes ago, HotRamen said:

sexual repulsion can also fluctuate. I also feel some fluctuation in that area. Nowadays I find myself to be on the favorable side but sometimes I’m indifferent and occasionally I’m repulsed. it can also appear towards different things, like I’m not really repulsed if it’s a scene in a comic or a book, but if it’s a tv show then I get very uncomfortable. when friends talk about it around me I tend to feel indifferent.

Thanks! That's very helpful, it answers a problem that I had. I have two scenes right now where this is relevant : a conversation when this is a discussion (he has a little brother not aware of his asexuality and in need of advice, I let you imagine), and one when the exposition to sexuality is more direct. He was not comfortable with his brother's questions but it is nothing compare to the other situation. It's good to know that sexual repulsion can fluctuate according to the situation.

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1) I don't know if its *common*, but I'd say its definitely possible. I've met gray aces that are sex-favorable and sex-indifferent, so I presume the variation would extend to sex-repulsed. 

2) I've heard of something called "arcflux" but can't find anything solid on it now. I remember that its an identity for ace people who have fluctuating repulsion/favorability towards sex. Also from my own experience, certain sexual acts can definitely shift between "ok" and "not ok" categories. So yes, repulsion can fluctuate. 

3) Very uncertain about aceflux specifically. 

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