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Aromantic Moments


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On 5/12/2021 at 10:15 PM, Elin W said:

 “If it’s so difficult and frustrating - then why do it?” :P 

 

😅

That’s one thing that I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of fully understanding: ‘why don’t you just pick someone else’ or ‘what’s worth all that?’

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On 5/18/2021 at 7:56 AM, Acecream said:

my friend wanted to hear a song which is quite popular at the moment and all I thought was “oh pls not this amatonormative shit again”

I relate to this on so many levels.  The feeling of liking a song, trying to find the lyrics then the sheer disappointment of realising it's about love is so annoying. 

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On 5/18/2021 at 8:46 PM, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

That’s one thing that I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of fully understanding: ‘why don’t you just pick someone else’ or ‘what’s worth all that?’

That’s also one of the ways I’ve realised that I’m aromantic, after learning about it just a few months ago. Well actually, I did recognized this “incapability” to connect with romantic love before knowing there was a word for it and i was the only one feeling this way but.... 

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I still remember when I watched the titanic for the first time.
It just came to the action part when the crew was realising they had a problem and they were stressed and trying to save the ship and stuff. But just when it started getting interesting THEY CUT TO ROSE AND JACK BEING ROMANTIC.
Oh gosh was I pissed. My favorite characters (the architecture guy and the morse boy) almost got no screentime and they both died in the end :(

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Posted (edited)

2 aromantic moments, one very ironic and one kind of frustrating

the ironic one: I used to play in a improvisational Theater group 1 1/2 years ago. We had this exercise in which we had to play emotions. I got “to be in love”

wekk I had no idea what to do and just acted as if I would be nervous and in a shy way excited to be with the other person I was with... and in the end they told me that I was very good in pretending that I was in love lol

 

the 2nd moment was just a few days ago: I was talking to 2 roommates and the girlfriend of one of them. My 1. roommate talked about how bored she is in her job and that she has nothing to talk about with her colleagues. So the girlfriend of the 2nd roommate recommended to talk about sex (*) and my roommate said that this wouldn’t work bc she doesn’t think that anyone of them (she works together with people around the age of 17/18/19) has even had a serious relationship or something like this. And my 2nd roommates girlfriend just commented how unpleasant this was

Earlier on this evening I almost told her boyfriend about my aromanticism but then I was kind of glad I didn’t 

 

*so this is an asexual moment as well cause the ace in me doesn’t know how sex can be the topic she mentioned first

Edited by Acecream
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On 5/28/2021 at 3:24 PM, Acecream said:

the ironic one: I used to play in a improvisational Theater group 1 1/2 years ago. We had this exercise in which we had to play emotions. I got “to be in love”

wekk I had no idea what to do and just acted as if I would be nervous and in a shy way excited to be with the other person I was with... and in the end they told me that I was very good in pretending that I was in love lol

In my theater class, we all had to play the same romantic text (the point was, we were supposed to tell the text to someone who doesn't looking at us, and the person should turn if they think we tack to them... I'm stil lvery confused about how it works lol). We all do it, and strangely, I was the one who did the best. I think it is because I didn't care about the feeling. I just thought about how people talk when they make a romantic love declaration (the intonations, the breath...), and I imitated it.

(It made me think, in the play we did at the end of the year, I was supposed to kiss a guy on stage but we just faked it. Before the real performance, the guy asked if we could kiss for real on stage. I gave him such a look, he never asked again. The idea just never crossed my mind, except with the desire to NOT do that.)

 

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People keep assuming I either have or want a partner. 

The most recent time was today when I was walking my dog. An old man started making conversation, which was fine, and then out of nowhere, he said "And your husband?"

The weirdest time was at a family gathering a couple years ago. My grandma and her sister made me try on their mother's wedding dress and parade around for our relatives in it. (Apparently they used to make my aunt do this. What a weird tradition!) I was very uncomfortable for several reasons, but the weirdest part was my great-uncles saying things like: "When's the big day?" and "Who's the lucky fellow?" When I told one of them that there was not a "lucky fellow," he offered to "put in a good word" for me at some place where there were apparently lots of nice boys. I said "no thanks." He said "Huh" and stopped talking.

 

 

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On 6/4/2021 at 1:41 AM, Intergalactic Indigo said:

People keep assuming I either have or want a partner. 

The most recent time was today when I was walking my dog. An old man started making conversation, which was fine, and then out of nowhere, he said "And your husband?"

The weirdest time was at a family gathering a couple years ago. My grandma and her sister made me try on their mother's wedding dress and parade around for our relatives in it. (Apparently they used to make my aunt do this. What a weird tradition!) I was very uncomfortable for several reasons, but the weirdest part was my great-uncles saying things like: "When's the big day?" and "Who's the lucky fellow?" When I told one of them that there was not a "lucky fellow," he offered to "put in a good word" for me at some place where there were apparently lots of nice boys. I said "no thanks." He said "Huh" and stopped talking.

 

 

Reminds me of when my aunt asked me: “And you haven’t found one?” (She was talking about a man of course.) 

And the answer came from my heart in a relieved tone of voice: “No seems like I’m better off!” 😅 

And she said very confused and annoyed: “What?!” 

 

The dialogue is even better in my language, Swedish ☺️ 

anyway, it was before I knew about aromanticism, I’ve never been interested in romantic relationships, whenever I was trying to care about it because “you should” it just felt like me trying to press myself into a mold that didn’t fit me. Or like I was trying to make myself feel something I just wasn’t able to feel. When I learnt about aromanticism a few months ago I felt such a relief and I thought about that conversation I had with my aunt - it was just such an aromantic moment! ☺️

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The other day, a friend of my mother came to visit, and the conversation ended up on how both I and my brother have never dated though we are respectively 27 and 31 (I don't know if my brother is aro though). When my parents were complaining that we just seem to not be interested in it, their friend said it was not a problem and that young people today just focus on other things like career.

And I was just there thinking "Go, Madam! Defeat amatomormativity!"

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  • 4 weeks later...

I was talking to an older friend of mine. Two people she knew had recently divorced and she was annoyed with the guy's complaint that his wife'had changed' and 'was a different person' after marriage and (very soon after) giving birth to her son.

I agreed it was silly to expect her not to be different after that, then said 'well, at least I'm not going to go through that'

My friend looked very shocked, and exclaimed that I was still young, there was plenty of time to find a partner.

Took me a good while to realise she had meant changing because of being a parent and comitting to marriage, not because of going through pregnancy which I would be very surprised if it happened to me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A good friend of mine bought a house last year with her boyfriend, they completely renovated it (always stressful) and moved in together for the first time. Now they're arguing all the time because they're very low on energy after the whole process and their irritation threshold is nonexistant. They have very different communcation styles (she's a talker, he invented the word introvert) and can't seem to find or understand each other at all.

Everytime I hear about the latest thing that went wrong all I think is how glad I am to not be in a relationship. "But we still love each other" how???? If you're pissed off at one another at least once every day, how do you live like that? I just don't get it...

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was looking through my high school yearbook, and there was a section where some students quoted pickup lines they used (I think). I was thinking about what I would say if I had to quote a pickup line. Here are my thoughts:

Interviewer: What's your best pickup line?

Me [thinking about a line that picks stuff up]: My best pickup line is a garbage grabber. It's straight like a line and it's AWESOME at keeping the grounds clean by picking up trash!

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people r talking abt dating and i’m like damn this fomo b real but the moment i get a partner i’d dump them so tch

am seething now :/

Edited by cyancat
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My friends and I were watching a movie and there was one of these dramatic, sad and romantic moments where a couple can't be together. And while my friends cried I just had to laughs bc it was just ridiculous

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Earlier this morning, a pre-video ad popped up on my computer. My reaction went something like this:

Young Woman Wearing Tight, Short Tank Top: If we went on a date, do you think I could turn you on?

Me: NOPE! (Then I skip the ad and proceed to my video)

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-When you fake attraction because that's what you thought everybody else was doing.

-when somebody confesses to you but you still closeted 

 

 

 

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I fully forgot that people in long distance romantic relationships want to see each other in person every once in awhile despite how expensive and inconvenient can be.

"Why is it expected that my brother will go see his long distance gf?... Oh right that's a thing people do when they are dating... damnit that means I have to drop him off at the airport."

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During a point at university, I was living with a roommate who had a girlfriend. One time, his girlfriend texted him (I think), and his phone died before he got the chance to respond. He put his phone onto the charger, but since his phone was completely dead, it took a few minutes before it would let him turn it on again. He was asking me what he should do, because he wanted to text her immediately out of fear of what she'd think if he didn't respond right away. He thought she'd be mad at him or something like that. I told him, calmly, not to worry. I told him: when you get the chance to respond, apologize for the late response and tell her that your phone died. If she's understanding, great! If not, that's a telltale sign that she's painfully shallow, doesn't care much about you, and that the relationship isn't worth it.

Edited by RepublicServicesVolunteer
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I have two aromantic moments. They're pretty well thought-out speculations.

1) In Home Alone 1, Kevin McCallister gets into a quarrel with his brother. Kevin's entire family automatically blames him. Kevin becomes so fed up with his family that he can be heard stomping from the upstairs area, saying "When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!"

My thoughts: If you get married, you won't be living alone. You'll have a spouse. Do you really want that? Also, I think amatonormativity is so ingrained in society that the concept of marriage is automatically paired with growing up.

 

2) Let's examine the word "bastard". It's used as an insult/swear word. A bastard is simply a person who was born away from wedlock. So, based on this definition, we're going to insult someone by saying that they were born away from wedlock? Why should that be an insult?? Methinks it has something to do with the fact that concepts like romance and (especially) marriage have been given so much societal importance as to be engrained into socially "normal" and "acceptable" practices.

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  • 2 weeks later...

After me realising in December last year that I’m aroace I’ve thought a lot about my many aromantic moments in my life. 
 

I postponed learning about asexuality since I didn’t think that could be me - because I felt so obsessed with sex. That was all I could think about! (Funny thing is that it’s not more than that - I like to think about it sometimes, that’s all 😂😅) But the thing is, I THOUGHT sex was more important to me than it actually is because I never thought about romantic love AT ALL. 
 

sure, I’ve been thinking about it like something I need to get done in life, but then always felt the pressure. It simply doesn’t come naturally for me. It feels fake and like a burden that before felt like something I had to get myself to feel in order to live a whole human life (ha ha it feels so ridiculous now! 😅

In life, before knowing about aromanticism, I felt very weird. I knew something was different and odd about me, I just didn’t know it was totally valid and not something that needed to be fixed. I learnt how to mask how I really felt - I learnt what was expected of me to say when comments came about “everyone falls in love sometimes” and things like that. But sometimes I’ve just blurred out things not thinking of what I’m saying and this moment I’m going to tell you about now is one of those moments. 
 

I was in my 20s and I sat talking with a friend who was married at the time. I guess I was older than 25, something like that. I remember from our talk that she was very worried about me cause she thought my flat mate was in love with me - everybody did at that time since me and my friend was VERY close (platonic love 😌) (actually me and my ex-flatmate are still best friends and I’m also a close friend with her wife 😃

anyway, this friend that I was talking to, raised concerns also over the fact that I was single (I’ve always been single) and said something about “so when are YOU going to find someone?” 
 

and I blurted out, spontaneously: “Yeah, I need to find someone to have sex with.” 
 

She said: “Ehhhh, I meant of course someone TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH” 

 

Me thinking: “oh right! 😅 THAT was what I was supposed to say!” 
 

(I’m 37 years old and I haven’t “found someone” to either spend my life with OR have sex with - instead I found out about asexuality and aromanticism and turns out I don’t have to change, I’m already 100 % valid 😃💚💜

(I haven’t “found someone” since I haven’t been looking 😏

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A couple weeks ago, I was removing a full garbage liner from a garbage bin near a Starbucks area. I looked up randomly, and a girl was looking right at me, as in, she wouldn't take her eyes off me. She kept looking at me, taking her eyes away only briefly. At one point, she even smiled slightly while looking at me. Granted, I was sporting my spiky hair and trademark beard which made me look fairly aesthetically attractive. However, I couldn't help but wonder why she was looking at me. I had the feeling that she thought I was attractive, but when someone stares directly at me like that, I can't help but feel a bit uncomfortable. My only regret is not walking directly up to her and asking her "what gives?".

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  • 2 weeks later...

My aro moment was when watching Brave with family and everyone sided with the mother and I was the only one that defended Merida till the last. Only disney princess that gives me full aroace vibes and fave so far. My family couldnt understand why Merida didnt want to be queen and also only thought Merida didnt want to marry for selfish reasons. I can understand not understanding the character, but imposing your views on the worlds is wanting people to be like you, and we all unique.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When in high school, I was the only one not interested in having a relationship, everyone was like "I have to find a boyfriend I can't stay single" and me "well we are so young why even bother about that we still have so much time for it".

The thing is that I have never been able to picture myself with someone in the future, they were all talking about their lives when they will setttled, get married, have kids and really I couldn't see myself living like this I just didn't understand why people have to see themselves with someone else, why a happy life could only be a life in a relationship.

Of course I didn't know then about aromanticism I only found out about it a few months ago. Now I finally know why I have never had any interest in that. Like I found out that I am asexual (or maybe graysexual) which explains why sex has never interested me either I even tried to see if it would change something but I don't like it and really don't feel anything at all. It is more a thing to do when you are bored and want to burn calories. The sad thing is that nobedy knows about aromanticism in France so nobody understand me and accept it so accept me. 

I am 39 yo and people still harassed me with the "you don't want to be happy" because I don't want a relationship, they still only talk about that even if they are in a relationship they still have no other things to talk about I found it so annoying seriously how at almost 40 you still unable to talk about anything else and have no other interest in life. How sad it is!!!!!! when I hear them I am actually happy to be aromantic it would be a nightmare to be like that. 

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, Nessa said:

When in high school, I was the only one not interested in having a relationship, everyone was like "I have to find a boyfriend I can't stay single" and me "well we are so young why even bother about that we still have so much time for it".

The thing is that I have never been able to picture myself with someone in the future, they were all talking about their lives when they will setttled, get married, have kids and really I couldn't see myself living like this I just didn't understand why people have to see themselves with someone else, why a happy life could only be a life in a relationship.

Of course I didn't know then about aromanticism I only found out about it a few months ago. Now I finally know why I have never had any interest in that. Like I found out that I am asexual (or maybe graysexual) which explains why sex has never interested me either I even tried to see if it would change something but I don't like it and really don't feel anything at all. It is more a thing to do when you are bored and want to burn calories. The sad thing is that nobedy knows about aromanticism in France so nobody understand me and accept it so accept me. 

I am 39 yo and people still harassed me with the "you don't want to be happy" because I don't want a relationship, they still only talk about that even if they are in a relationship they still have no other things to talk about I found it so annoying seriously how at almost 40 you still unable to talk about anything else and have no other interest in life. How sad it is!!!!!! when I hear them I am actually happy to be aromantic it would be a nightmare to be like that. 

 

 

 

I can relate to so much of what you’re writing 💚

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