Jump to content

hoo boy has this been eating away at me ...


Recommended Posts

so. i’ve referenced it a couple of times. maybe more ... mostly because it’s the reason i even realized i was probably aromantic. but i have this friend that i’m really close to. and i had a squish on them, though i considered that it could be a crush at the time.

and... up until that point i assumed the fact that i was interested in romantic fiction & the fact that i’d “crush” on pretty much anyway who let me be excitable with them as solid proof of my alloromantic-ness.

but then this said friend developed feelings for me and they seem really into me now — which doesn’t bother me at all — but it did make me realize that i don’t... really have the same kind of feelings.

for a little while, i thought maybe i was akoiromantic or something, but the more i’ve mused over it, the more i think i am much closer to just being aromantic. i’ve never truly crushed on anyway, so much as i wished myself into crushing on people. and obviously just because i’m interested in romance in fiction doesn’t mean i actually experience it in real life.

wasn’t super obvious to me before, clearly, but. yeah. anyway.

so i’m pretty aromantic or at least very grayromantic. i don’t necessarily feel romantic feelings for this person. i’m not bothered by the fact that they feel romantic back. and... since i’m super touch-starved i also don’t mind touch from people i’m close to who ask first. which, being just as touch-starved but also averse as me, this person understands. and i would say i love them? i care about them a lot, but i’d say it’s more closer to the degree of a friend.

that being said, i do think i’ve developed like... alterous type of feelings for them? i’d say perhaps a little closer to platonic than romantic, but maybe that’s just my crippling fear of commitment and responsibility speaking.

anyway, that’s all to say that i really want to tell them that i’m aromantic. i’m... really scared of hurting them though. they seem really invested in this idea of a potential romantic relationship with me. again, it doesn’t bother me, and part of me is interested in exploring some sort of relationship? if only because i am so touch-starved and we’re just really close in general, so i’m just comfy with them. but also i don’t know if the fact that i don’t necessarily return romantic feelings will hurt them? or even if i explain the feelings i do have, they’ll fully convey how asynchronous i might be with the whole romance thing.

how in the world would i even go about explaining things?

lakskdls honestly it’s an inevitably that i will have to explain things. it’s not really an argument of “should i.” since this person is so connected in the spaces i’m typically in, it’s really hard when i can’t express the fact that i’m aro because it might reach them and they might end up feeling hurt.

but, you know, i care quite a bit about them and i don’t want to lose their friendship. so idk what manner i should go about in explaining things, hence, i’m hoping for some advice.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really up to you what you decide to do next, but if you think you might actually want to try a relationship with this person, go ahead. If you don't, there's no use trying to force yourself into it. You could even bring up the option of a queerplatonic relationship (QPR) if you think that would be best. And as for telling them about your aroness, that's not entirely necessary, but if you choose to be in a relationship with them, then telling them would be a good thing to do at the beginning, rather than later on. Just remember that you don't have to be attracted to someone romantically in order to be in a relationship with them, so long as you both understand and respect each other's limits and boundaries. 

I hope this helps a bit! 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

i actually had a similar experience a few years ago.. a really close friend of mine had romantic feelings for me and i thought i had too, but after a while i realized i saw them as a friend. i knew i also never had a crush on anyone before, so i did some reasearch and found out about aromanticism.

a few weeks later, i told my friend that i was pretty sure i'm aromantic, explained what it was and they were very understanding! they told me about their feelings, i told them about my feelings and we decided to continue as friends. i was really scared of hurting them, but it turned out alright and we're still very close friends to this day

i don't know how your friend is like, so i cannot guarantee how they will react, but if you want to tell them and feel comfortable doing so, then i think you should go for it! you can tell them about you romantic orientation, but you don't have to. you can just talk about your feelings and decide together what to do next! it's really what Skylord already said.

hope it goes well!! :)

Edited by babo_
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

ok so i just sent a... near 1k dm about this whole mess to the person at 3am and. alskdksl. man this is rlly gonna go into my 3am regrets huh? well, it’s a good thing i finally got it out anyway, now i should go to sleep

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, cyancat said:

ok so i just sent a... near 1k dm about this whole mess to the person at 3am

fair play, honestly no point regretting it. if it works out fine great choice. if there are any problems then that was likely to happen anyway, as you said they are in the spaces you are in, this was likely to come to them anyway. you got the message to them in your own time and they can reply or not when they please.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, roboticanary said:

fair play, honestly no point regretting it. if it works out fine great choice. if there are any problems then that was likely to happen anyway, as you said they are in the spaces you are in, this was likely to come to them anyway. you got the message to them in your own time and they can reply or not when they please.

they recently replied! and it's turned out all good. you're right tho, i think they'd have eventually figured it out, so this way we can move forward understanding each a little better now.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...