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How to get parents to let me cut hair?


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Okay so, I'm Nonbinary, and I've wanted my hair cut short for a long time. I even wanted it short when I was a young kid, way before I knew what gender identity even was. My parents always said no, my mom was the most against it. I really think that cutting my hair would help my body dysphoria a lot. I'm not out to them yet, so that might be one reason why they don't understand my needs. So I do have a question. 

Should I Come out so they better understand? Or start to ask them why I can't get my hair cut? Or both?

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When I decided to cut my hair, I brought it up with my mom and basically told her that my long hair was getting annoying and she was super supportive and cut my hair the next day after we figured out a style I liked (she's a licensed hairstylist). Cutting my hair helped a lot with my dysphoria and I didn't have to come out to do it (Though at the time I'm writing this, my mom kind of knows). Whether you are ready to come out to your parents or not, it's your choice of if you actually do or don't. Hope it goes well! 

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IDK about your mom, but mine tends to be a little controlling. When I wanted to grow my hair out, I showed her some styles I liked and "asked for her input". This made it seem like it was something I was doing whether she liked it or not, and stopped her from arguing too much because she thought that she had a voice in the process.

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Hey, don't know if you've found a solution yet but I wanted to drop in.

I'm with you on the whole short hair thing, my father has always been very, 'don't do this', 'you can't do that', 'you're my baby girl' etc. My mother isn't as bad, but not helpful. For me, when I wanted to cut my hair I did it for a charity. Shave for a Cure, to be precise. My parents couldn't argue too much with that without looking like utter assholes and well...despite my father in particular initially being vehemently against (his first response when I told him was 'NO you're not'), he ended up coming to school to support me when it happened, absolute picture of the proud parent.

I know that might not help - controlling parents are hard to deal with - but finding ways to subvert parent's psychology is a good way I've found to help.Turn your biggest critics into your biggest supporters, and baffle them with streamroller bullshit. (basically, don't give them room to disagree, talk over them and BE POSITIVE - talk about how good it is/will be, use words like 'when', don't try to argue with them (that's where they're strongest), but instead assume that it's already decided. I know this won't work for everyone, and geez it's hard, I have struggled over the years, but it gets easier xx)

Failing all that, do what I did last month and cut it yourself :)

I hope you find a way to get the haircut you want. This is your life and you deserve to live it comfortable in yourself.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/30/2020 at 1:58 PM, Confused Artist said:

Okay so, I'm Nonbinary, and I've wanted my hair cut short for a long time. I even wanted it short when I was a young kid, way before I knew what gender identity even was. My parents always said no, my mom was the most against it. I really think that cutting my hair would help my body dysphoria a lot. I'm not out to them yet, so that might be one reason why they don't understand my needs. So I do have a question. 

Should I Come out so they better understand? Or start to ask them why I can't get my hair cut? Or both?

How short? Buzz cut? Or just normally short? If it's the latter your mom is really controlling.

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I guess I'm just assuming you were AFAB, but what helped my mom agree to it was showing her lots of photos of women with short cuts, and telling her you'll get a more 'feminine' cut. If you go to the hairdressers, you can just tell them what you want. 

Also, if you really think it will help your dysphoria, sometimes hacking it away with scissors is worth it, and a lot easier than it seems (especially if you're going really short). I'd love to cut off my boobs, but unfortunately, it doesn't work that way :/

Anyway, depending on your situation, asking for forgiveness might be easier than asking for permission.

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