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Hello! I am new to this website and I am very confused about my romantic orientation. I have a strong belief that I'm aro, but I'm not 100% sure. Here are some main reasons why:

-I'm not sure if I've ever had crushes on anyone before, since they might have just been squishes or plushes (a queer platonic crush)

-I tend to skip out on romcoms and romantic books like Twilight because I know that I will not enjoy the romance

-Although I really like fan fiction, I'm not sure if I want to be in the position of the characters in the stories I read

-I don't really fantasize about relationships, unless they're about a fictional character (or characters) or they're a person I've created from my head (like someone I would possibly like)

-I can only recall two serious "crushes" I've ever had in my life, one was a close friend of mine and the other was also a friend, but I'm not sure if I had romantic feelings, or if it was just platonic and aesthetic

-I can't recall ever feeling "butterflies in my stomach" when I had a crush on someone

-Whenever I had a celebrity crush that I can recall (which was like once or twice) I only thought they looked nice and seemed attractive, but I never wanted to do anything with them

-I thought I wanted a romantic relationship, but now, I'm not so sure (a QPR sounds better)

-I can't stand celebrity romance (I never have) and I don't know why (I thought maybe I was jealous, but idk)

-I hate flirting and I'm always scared that my kindness will be mistaken as flirting

However, the thing that makes me question these reasons is that I have always envisioned myself being with someone in the future, but now, my view has shifted. I might just not be ready for commitment, idk. Although, despite this, I do still want someone to be in my future, whether they're a close friend or something else, since I don't think I would like living alone, and living with another person, and even more people, sounds fun. I might just want a very close friendship, but I'm not sure. There are certain things that I would want in a QPR, like an emotional connection/bond, cuddling, and non-date activities (ex: hanging out, getting food together, exploring, etc.), but things like kissing, whether it be mouth-to-mouth or not so, is more something that I'm okay with and will tolerate, but I don't need it (and I might not want it, idk, I haven't kissed anybody)

I have also seen that my idea of a romantic relationship sounds a lot more like a QPR, if that makes sense. Like, when I see relationships on TV and in fan fiction, I always think 'this is just a fake act of a relationship, and people don't really act like this when they're in relationships, right?'. But, according to the media and majority of the world, a lot of the behavior in TV shows and fan fiction mirrors real life relationships more than I thought. (Idk if that made sense)

Sorry it's so long! I just have a lot to say! I tend to run my mouth a lot lol

Anyways, if anyone here could provide some sort of feedback, I would really appreciate that! Thanks for your time, have a nice day :)

Edited by Jayden_Alexander
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Hi!

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I know now that I've never had a crush, but in the past my brain decided that if I thought a boy was a decent human being then it was a crush.

I avoid most romantic things if I can, but personally see romcoms as criticisms of romantic love so I enjoy a select few of those.

The closest thing to butterflies I've felt was deep existential dread when being asked out. Maybe that counts?

I never had a celebrity crush, but also am fairly clueless about pop culture so I can't speak on those. 

Flirting is very much not my thing. I also am scared someone will misinterpret me being a semi-decent human for flirting.

As for the last point, I also assumed that I would end up with somebody. However, I know now that that is from amatonormativity, the assumption that everyone is striving for a monogamous, sexual, romantic relationship. In all my fantasies about the future, I never had a romantic relationship. That didn't stop me from thinking that I would.

I can't tell you that you're aro, that is something you have to figure out for yourself. But I can tell you that if that label is helpful and works for you now, use it. If something changes, you can change or disregard the label. Also if you feel most comfortable without one, you don't have to use a label at all.

I hope this helps, and welcome to Arocalypse!

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For me it all of it sounds like aromanticism. But the only one person who can say you’re aro is you.

3 hours ago, Jayden_Alexander said:

I tend to skip out on romcoms and romantic books like Twilight because I know that I will not enjoy the romance

Me too! I think the worst thing in the world is when someone asks for some books, movies or series to read/watch and then there’s lots of things with romantic plot.

3 hours ago, Jayden_Alexander said:

Whenever I had a celebrity crush that I can recall (which was like once or twice) I only thought they looked nice and seemed attractive, but I never wanted to do anything with them

I have never felt romantic attraction to a celebrity but I’m feeling aesthetic and sensual attractions to one soccer player, for me he’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen and the only one thing I literally would do with him is to hug him and joking or talk with him. I don’t see myself doing anything romantic with him and for me it’s strange when people say ’I would marry’.

3 hours ago, Jayden_Alexander said:

I can't stand celebrity romance (I never have)

I know this feeling very well. I’m like ’hey, that’s great they aren’t posting anything with their partner, it’s their personal thing’ and then I feel very disappointed when they’re starting to do it. I literally don’t understand it and it’s ’a little’ annoying for me.

3 hours ago, Jayden_Alexander said:

I'm always scared that my kindness will be mistaken as flirting

When a coworker said to me ’you’re so romantic’ I literally stopped being ’nice’ in this meaning. I don’t want anybody to think I’m flirting with them.

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