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Aro and Want to be a Parent


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I've been trying to conceive via sperm donation, because I want to be a single parent by choice. Anyone else aro and want to have kids? I feel like aro spaces are often overwhelmingly childfree to the point where sometimes I feel erased because I'm aro and one of my biggest dreams is to be a parent.

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I'm aroace and since I'm a kid I said I wanted 3 kids. Now only one would be good already.

I thought about sperm donation too but this being legal for single woman is only in discussion in my country (they debate to make it legal for lesbian couple and the debates were extended to single women). I don't really want to justify myself all the time, my family is not really open about that (create a child without a father, etc). Don't want to fight them.

However I think I may adopt someday.

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  • 2 months later...

I don't know how my mother identifies- she's been married but only for a short period of time when she was younger, and she did have romantic relationships when she was in high school but hasn't had any long-term relationships since she got divorced. Through sperm donation, she had me and my younger brother. I'm personally probably on the aromantic spectrum and I definitely want kids too, just not for a while lol. As a child conceived through sperm donation and raised by a single mother, I think its a great choice as long as you're sure that you're ready. And like with all kids, yours will ask some difficult questions, you'd just have to deal with some questions of a different breed lol. And like idk don't avoid questions ig? When I was in pre-k I told everyone my dad died in a war because my mom never explained that to me properly. Its kinda funny now but concerned parents, teachers and friends at the time so just a warning, stuff like that might happen XD

But best of luck to you!! I hope this works out well for you!!

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I have a close friend who is aroace, and she really wants to have kids, also via sperm donation. I personally don't want my own children, but I've thought about co-parenting. I really like the idea of trio parenting because it would allow me to be involved with parenting but would be potentially less demanding since more adults would be responsible for raising the child. 

Anyway, I also hope it works out for you and that you can realize your dream of becoming a parent! 

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On 11/27/2020 at 12:24 PM, Ettina said:

I feel like aro spaces are often overwhelmingly childfree to the point where sometimes I feel erased because I'm aro and one of my biggest dreams is to be a parent.

In my anecdotal experience it is true that a lot of aros aren't interested in having kids (myself included), and I can imagine that would absolutely make people who do want kids feel excluded, which sucks. I'm sorry.

I do have a few bits and pieces that relate to choosing to be a single parent in my rather shambolic personal collection of aro-related resources and links, in case any of these are helpful for anyone in this thread:

  • This table shows countries where it is legal for a single LGBT parent to adopt
  • Things to consider about adopting as a single parent (UK website but the tips are fairly general, with links to examples of success stories)
  • Info pamphlet on adopting as a single parent (in the USA)
  • Single Mothers By Choice, a network for, well, what the name says

Googling "single parent by choice" also brings up a bunch of communities, articles, and resources about choosing to be a single parent for whatever reason. Although these aren't generally aro-specific, maybe @AUREA could look into adding something representative to their General Resources, similar to the inclusion of Unmarried Equality? (Or if there isn't anything gender-neutral and representative, maybe a link to SMBC with a note that people may be able to find similar local groups by Googling?)

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ooff feel that, I am aro and am already a single mom to a 5 year old and yeah definitely feel like the odd one out because aro spaces are very child-free. Although I think part of it is just that the aro community skews pretty young right now. 

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On 2/10/2021 at 11:50 PM, eatingcroutons said:

In my anecdotal experience it is true that a lot of aros aren't interested in having kids (myself included), and I can imagine that would absolutely make people who do want kids feel excluded, which sucks. I'm sorry.

I do have a few bits and pieces that relate to choosing to be a single parent in my rather shambolic personal collection of aro-related resources and links, in case any of these are helpful for anyone in this thread:

  • This table shows countries where it is legal for a single LGBT parent to adopt
  • Things to consider about adopting as a single parent (UK website but the tips are fairly general, with links to examples of success stories)
  • Info pamphlet on adopting as a single parent (in the USA)
  • Single Mothers By Choice, a network for, well, what the name says

Googling "single parent by choice" also brings up a bunch of communities, articles, and resources about choosing to be a single parent for whatever reason. Although these aren't generally aro-specific, maybe @AUREA could look into adding something representative to their General Resources, similar to the inclusion of Unmarried Equality? (Or if there isn't anything gender-neutral and representative, maybe a link to SMBC with a note that people may be able to find similar local groups by Googling?)

This is actually decent start to a collection of resources, and a wonderful idea for an addition to AUREA's resources! Thank you so much for the suggestion! We are currently looking into the resources you've shared, as well as possible others we can add to our website that might be able to help single aros looking to be parents. If anyone has such resources they'd like to share, please feel free to message us with them. 

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I either want to be a single parent or raise kids with a friend/group of friends, if I can find any willing partners. I think I prefer adoption, but am not very opposed to having biological kids. Very interested in looking into resources the aro community can find on this topic. 

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I'd be open to it, but my main concerns are being in a country with shitty maternity leave policies and/or not having enough cash to be able to take time off from work and recuperate and manage the complexities of pregnancy. If I ever can put the money away for that stuff (and to cushion against shitty maternity leave policies), sure. If not, adoption or fostering kids will be the way to go for me since there are many unwanted kids around the world, and the world population is quite large as it is already. But of course my main issue is the economic aspect of stuff.

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