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Anyone else like "Technically not out, but I just don't care anymore"?


LaReine
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On 11/8/2020 at 3:47 PM, LaReine said:

Anyone else like "Technically not out, but I just don't care anymore"?

I like to call this "the glass closet". (Not a concept I came up with but I don't remember where I got it from.) Essentially you're not out but anyone can know pretty much right away if they care enough to look.

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  • 2 months later...

I didn't want to make it a big deal, so I just casually mention things that might clue people into it (I'm sure my friends are so confused lol), but otherwise, I don't really care for "officially coming out". At the very least, I just make sure that I don't mention it to people who I know have bad opinions on the topic (*ahem* my family).

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I feel one of the good things about being aroace is that you never have to come out if you don't want to. Like with trans or other allo people, they have to come out because it's pretty obvious like if someone gets a partner not of the opposite gender or presents as a different gender entirely. But with aroace people there's nothing to show; if no one asks, you don't have to tell them. I'm lucky to not have relatives pestering me about getting a romantic partner, but at least I can just say I'm more focused on work and self development, and usually no one presses further. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm in the same boat as many in this thread, I haven't officially told anyone I know in real life but it seems after a while they just stop asking (though I have had people assume I was lesbian because of my disinterest in men). While it does feel like a privilege at times to not have to explain myself, I wonder how many people in history that we think of as "having had no time for romance" were aroace before these concepts were, well, concepts.

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kind of like someone else said before in this thread, i might say it if the topic comes up in conversation (depends on the people) but as of now it's not really anyone in my life's business.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 4/6/2021 at 6:25 PM, MacAttack said:

I like to call this "the glass closet". (Not a concept I came up with but I don't remember where I got it from.) Essentially you're not out but anyone can know pretty much right away if they care enough to look.

Thanks for this! It’s a helpful term

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I'm not out to most people. I do have an aro flag and an aro pin, but people usually don't notice or ask about it LOL. If they want to know what it is, "aromantic flag" comes up if you search up the colors. So if anyone is curious from a distance, they can figure it out themselves LMAO.

But yeah, I'm not necessarily closeted for any reason except for that I don't have the energy to tell everyone. I've come out on social media and to a few people in person, that's enough for me (unless it's necessary in a situation).

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  • 2 months later...

Romantic orientation, Idk who thinks I'm straight but they are very blind if they do. Gender wise very few people know. Sexuality wise, I honestly don't know who knows this I told my brother and already knew, my friend knew before I even said anything. So yeah I started wearing a genderfluid bracelet everywhere, 1 person noticed and thought it was a bi flag.... then finally someone else noticed... and they are telling my friend, fu, I know I was ready to tell them, but you can't just so that. And everyone else who knows I told, the bracelet helped none

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1 hour ago, Blue_Jay said:

Romantic orientation, Idk who thinks I'm straight but they are very blind if they do. Gender wise very few people know. Sexuality wise, I honestly don't know who knows this I told my brother and already knew, my friend knew before I even said anything. So yeah I started wearing a genderfluid bracelet everywhere, 1 person noticed and thought it was a bi flag.... then finally someone else noticed... and they are telling my friend, fu, I know I was ready to tell them, but you can't just so that. And everyone else who knows I told, the bracelet helped none

Besides my parents, I hide it from them, espescially gender, gender wise they would try to understand but they won't, and end up just making it worse

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If a kind person asks me an honest question relating to the topic, I sometimes explain that I'm aro, but that's really the only time that I have much reason to tell anyone. Most of the time, it just doesn't matter that much. I guess the 'coming out' thing isn't as big of a deal for aros as it is for other groups. Unless you're having to explain it to a partner, then I guess it would be kinda awkward. :p

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