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CharCharChar

Demi- and Dodra-

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AMENDMENT: I intend "dodra" for those who already feel "gray" and are looking for a word to describe their specific "gray" experience. 
2nd AMENDMENT: "No one will understand what you mean" and "A super specific label isn't useful" are arguments against microlabels as a whole, which is not the purpose of this post. 

Where does attraction after a first conversation go in terms of primary and secondary attraction? In that you've become aware of personality traits / interests / shared experiences and then feel attraction?

In my few blips of ?emotional/romantic/alterous? attraction, it was what I would consider "after primary and before secondary". I recently talked to someone who had a similar set up for a type of attraction they experienced. 

I'd like to propose "dodra" as a prefix for this middle ground between primary and secondary attraction.

 

Does anyone have concerns/questions? 

Why not just use demi?
I feel like there's an important connotation around slowness and the emotional bond that separates demi from allo, that 1) I don't want to undermine demi and 2) I don't feel like demi accurately describes my experience. 
Why not just use gray?
Because it made me really happy to stumble upon someone with this inbetween primary and secondary experience, and I think a word would be helpful.
Maybe we should adjust the meaning of secondary attraction / or have a word for "quick secondary" vs. "prolonged secondary"?
Sure that could be helpful, but I think it's harder to adjust a pre-existing and widely used term/model. 

Do you disagree that secondary has a longer-than-the-first-encounter connotation?

 

Terms / Justification

Demi is a prefix for 1/2.
Dodrant is a prefix for 3/4. 
Dodrant doesn't work well as a prefix so I shortened it to "dodra," which I googled and it doesn't look like dodra has a different meaning. 

Primary attraction is based on immediately or very quickly known traits like appearance and the sound of their voice. 

Secondary attraction is defined as "developing over time" which technically could mean a few minutes, but I feel it's usually used to mean days to months. 
If allos (1) have primary attraction and demis (1/2) have secondary attraction, then dodra (3/4) could be used for inbetween primary and secondary attraction. 

[I crossposted this to AVEN a moment ago]
https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/204382-demi-and-dodra/

Edited by CharCharChar
added amendments, added URL

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Point of interest from AVEN crosspost. 

There were concerns that feeling attraction after getting to know someone is just a normal aspect of attraction, and "gray" is sufficient. 

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How is this different from how an average person experiences attraction?

I'm unclear on how this is connect to "demi" too, demi sexuality/romanticism is an entirely different thing.

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@Rolo
Because the person experiences attraction rarely, and in those rare instances it's specifically from traits that are after "primary" but still doesn't take the deep/long connection of "demi". 

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ok, in that case the term "gray" seems sufficient. Developing romantic attraction after "primary" (based on your OP, never heard the terms before) is normal, so I don't see the point in specifying it.

(Disclaimer, I didn't bother to read the linked thread on AVEN, so I'm probably missing something here)

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https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/204388-question-for-grays-not-demis/

I put a follow up poll on AVEN to see how common this "inbetween secondary and primary" attraction is for grays (also relevant to grayros who don't ID as demi if you want to pop over and vote). 

Perhaps my real issue is that "secondary attraction / secondary traits" is an extremely broad category.

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The only term that will be sufficient is the term that someone is actually happy to use for themselves. Creation of language is good and necessary, even if some of it reinvents the wheel. 

Anyways.

I agree with those understandings of primary and secondary attraction, although I have to admit I don't see them used frequently. I actually brought this up in a demi discord server I was in (back when I was identifying as demi) as to whether they agreed with the sentiment that demi- people experienced secondary rather than primary attraction. In that instance, several others agreed that while secondary attraction was a necessary part and could take a while to develop, it eventually caused some overlap with primary attraction. I.e., although attraction based on an emotional bond and personality traits would "kickstart" attraction, it would still eventually include attraction to immediately apparent physical features. If that provides any kind of insight into how those two can interplay.

I identify as gray but I simply can't be helpful here as my attraction is *vague hand gesture* or *light gust of wind*, but I'll take that poll anyways lol. *Editing to say, my poll answer is both*

Edited by aro-fae
to add poll result

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