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I thought I liked romance but I don't


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I've spent so long wishing for a relationship that I didn't realise romance actually kinda sucks. I thought a romantic partner would be cool, but I only ever fantasised about scenarios in which we'd be rebellious and go out and do crazy stuff bc that's all romanticised in movies, never just lying around cuddling in bed (the weird ideal allos seem to obsess over) which, first off just sounds sweaty n gross, and also so boring I'd probably be forced to jump out the window in search of an escape lmaoo. I'm a stimulation seeker not looking for romance haha, so after the beginning with the hormones havin a rave is over i'd lose interest. Thinking about it i'd be the WORST boyfriend; I hate people being clingy, I lose interest in things way too quick, I hate being touched in 90% of cases, and my personality changes monthly p much, so chances are one of us nopes tf out.

Ik I sound like an awful person but i'm actually a p decent guy rip (blame my adhd)

Also I haven't been on here in a while so i'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I just wanted to get some thoughts out:penpapo:

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I relate to what you're saying. Media venerates romantic relationships and make them out to be some grand, amazing thing that everyone wants, and then people are bashed for not wanting a romantic relationship.

I used to think I was romantically attracted to people, too, because literally everybody else around me was obsessed with romance. So, I thought, "meh, I must be romantic, too."

I also relate to fantasizing about going on adventures with my friends. I'd think about what it'd be like to fight off a zombie apocalypse with my closest friends, stuff like that. But none of it was ever inherently romantic.

I'm glad though that I am a part of communities that accept both my asexuality and aromanticism. It's nice to have a family like this.

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55 minutes ago, senACEay_11 said:

I also relate to fantasizing about going on adventures with my friends. I'd think about what it'd be like to fight off a zombie apocalypse with my closest friends, stuff like that. But none of it was ever inherently romantic.

Yes omg I think going on badass adventures with would be cool! Definitely doesn't have to involve romance like it always does in books/movies smh. Though I don't really mind a romantic undertone in action or adventure if it adds another layer rather,  than feeling forced and slowing down the plot

 

1 hour ago, senACEay_11 said:

I'm glad though that I am a part of communities that accept both my asexuality and aromanticism. It's nice to have a family like this.

People on here are super accepting and positive! It's not something easy to find in other communities and it's pretty neat not feeling abnormal for once:Owlpapo:

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2 hours ago, Alexrobinmc said:

but I only ever fantasised about scenarios in which we'd be rebellious and go out and do crazy stuff bc that's all romanticised in movies, never just lying around cuddling in bed

How do alloromantics deal with this wildly unrealistic portrayal of romance??? It's on par with Hollywood hacking, but most people aren't hackers. Most people are allos, though, which makes it really surprising.

Even if a romantic relationship is shown to begin realistically in a normal boring setting and not when fighting an alien invasion, the other tropes which are used are still insane. Except for comedy the romantic interest is ... mostly ... super, super special. E.g. the mysterious alternative, artistic, sophisticated, charisma demigodess, intellectual French girl who lives a bohemian lifestyle and is so deep that everything she says opens up new vistas of thought. Most French women HUMANS aren't that interesting. Even the person with the most fascinating personality, dazzling intellect, ... on this planet needs some time to recharge and can't hold up that level 24/7.

... do allos see their romantic partners in this way? I've bothered so much trying to understand romance but there are still new disturbing questions coming up!

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10 hours ago, Alexrobinmc said:

Yes omg I think going on badass adventures with would be cool! Definitely doesn't have to involve romance like it always does in books/movies smh.

Ironically this may be fairly close to original meaning of "romance" when it first emerged as a distinct fiction genre.

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On 10/23/2020 at 4:01 PM, senACEay_11 said:

I relate to what you're saying. Media venerates romantic relationships and make them out to be some grand, amazing thing that everyone wants, and then people are bashed for not wanting a romantic relationship.

Romance in fiction is awesome, but romance in real life is like... meh. I thought I was romantic, but it turns out I only like romance in fiction. Not romance novels though, I literally can't read those without laughing through half of it, and their usually pretty boring too. Romantic subplots are great though, when done right. 

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