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RoboticHumanoid

finding relationships annoying in stories

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For the past month or more, I'm finding I'm just getting annoyed at romantic relationships in stories, especially the straight ones. I'm getting more annoyed than usual. almost to a point of frustration. i generally enjoy reading romance even if i myself have never experienced that attraction although it tends to get repetitive. I might just be shifting to a more romance indifference or repulse but i don't know. what do other people make of it?

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I remember that when I discover that Ô am aro, my relationship to romance on fiction changed a bit. I still don't mind or appreciate it, but when it's bad written I become more repulsed, or when a character who has never got an interest before gets one I become annoyed. I think it goes with my understandment of amatonormativity : I'm more aware of it and it changed how I view romance.

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7 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I remember that when I discover that Ô am aro, my relationship to romance on fiction changed a bit. I still don't mind or appreciate it, but when it's bad written I become more repulsed, or when a character who has never got an interest before gets one I become annoyed. I think it goes with my understandment of amatonormativity : I'm more aware of it and it changed how I view romance.

For me also it's more about amatonormativity repulsion than repulsion to romance.

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My relationship with romance in media also changed when I accepted myself as aromantic. I used to love shipping characters and watching romantic plotlines unfold. I mostly liked them because I enjoyed the idea of a "special" and deep connection between two people and I always had a sense of expectation that it would happen to me too. When I realized I was aro, romance lost a bit of its shine for me, because it felt like something I could never reach and that made me feel lonely. I spent some time being sad about it and then I realized that what I actually wanted wasn't a romantic relationship, just trust, and connection with another human being, and I was made to believe by our amatonormative society that the only way I could ever have a meaningful connection was through romance. So now I don't enjoy romance as much because I can't help but be annoyed at the amatonormativity but I can still enjoy a well-crafted storyline and now I like shipping characters as friends or platonic partners (I get super mad when they inevitably "fall in love" in the end).

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So, i questioned whether i was aro for a good while and finally just accepted it in april this year. i think amatonormativity has become more annoying with time. of course i can always enjoy a well crafted romance but I've grown a prejudice against trying to read something as there is a very real possibility there is romance in a story i don't expect it in or want it in. I just want some good friendships right now.

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when i was younger i was alright with it to an extent (i even had some ships here and there), but over time i started to grow more indifferent, then annoyed with it. now i'm fully aware that i'm aro and that amatonormativity the reason for all these pointless romances in media, and nowadays i'm just craving some more platonic love in media, lol.

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straight people in general have absolutely no idea wtf they're doing, so that could be why you're especially annoyed by het stories, and for that reason i prefer gay love stories and find them cute but i very rarely get those kinds of feelings for myself

Edited by Finn
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8 hours ago, Finn said:

i prefer gay love stories and find them cute but i very rarely get those kinds of feelings for myself

Yeah, me too. I just like to see that kind of representation because it is almost always done well, and there's actual effort put into it. Straight relationships are so stale they just feel factory made.

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22 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

Yeah, me too. I just like to see that kind of representation because it is almost always done well, and there's actual effort put into it. Straight relationships are so stale they just feel factory made.

I agree. I think overall diversity is an indication that the writers have thought at least a little bit further and longer about the story than someone who just writes about SWM+ (this is my acronym for straight white male etc 😄)

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On 10/13/2020 at 10:32 PM, RoboticHumanoid said:

i generally enjoy reading romance even if i myself have never experienced that attraction although it tends to get repetitive.

It's the repetitiveness that gets to me. I don't mind stories that include romance, but a lot of stories that centre on romance seem to be telling the same story over and over. When I'm getting nothing out of the romance itself that just doesn't appeal to me.

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True. Right now they start Christmas movies, which are mostly romance Christmas movies, and it's like watching the same movie in different places and different characters.

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5 hours ago, nonmerci said:

True. Right now they start Christmas movies, which are mostly romance Christmas movies, and it's like watching the same movie in different places and different characters.

Maybe even similar characters played by different actors.

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I agree with most of here. It is the repetitiveness and just so similar stories that gets to me. Almost all relationships in movies and series are romantic. I crave for a platonic relationship, one that shows how much the character cares for each other without an ulterior motive. If I want to befriend you is to have a great time with you. Go eat, watch dumb things together and just have a good time, no kisses, no sex, no development from "I don't feel anything for you" to "Oh, i guess I did had feelings for you". Idk how can it be so hard to show friendship without romance, or people of opposite sex having a great relationship without having having feelings for each other.

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2 hours ago, Blake said:

I agree with most of here. It is the repetitiveness and just so similar stories that gets to me. Almost all relationships in movies and series are romantic. I crave for a platonic relationship, one that shows how much the character cares for each other without an ulterior motive. If I want to befriend you is to have a great time with you. Go eat, watch dumb things together and just have a good time, no kisses, no sex, no development from "I don't feel anything for you" to "Oh, i guess I did had feelings for you". Idk how can it be so hard to show friendship without romance, or people of opposite sex having a great relationship without having having feelings for each other.

I like to recommand the British show Merlin about that. Of course the fandom romanticize it, but Merlin and Arthur never dated in the show but they have a very funny friendship and a strong bound, always there for each other. (though they have the love/hate relationship and began by disliking each other before learning to know themselves better, I think that's part of the reason the fandom like to ship them)

Also Merlin never dated or show interest for that so he is totally aro for me. (and I think this is the only show I can think about where the main character has zero love interest... he just wants to protect his friends and Camelot, no need for romance)

 

Aso I think this is totally true that most of the romance begins like that. They don't like each other (sometimes hate each other), they spend time together and immediately they start having feeling for each other. As if it was that easy to make someone change their mind. I think it add a lot to the "no isn't no" idea. Either this trope, or immediately the two person involved things the other is "the one" (but it will still take an eternity for them to be together because otherwise, it would end too soon).

 

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3 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I like to recommand the British show Merlin about that. Of course the fandom romanticize it, but Merlin and Arthur never dated in the show but they have a very funny friendship and a strong bound, always there for each other. (though they have the love/hate relationship and began by disliking each other before learning to know themselves better, I think that's part of the reason the fandom like to ship them)

Also Merlin never dated or show interest for that so he is totally aro for me. (and I think this is the only show I can think about where the main character has zero love interest... he just wants to protect his friends and Camelot, no need for romance)

 

Aso I think this is totally true that most of the romance begins like that. They don't like each other (sometimes hate each other), they spend time together and immediately they start having feeling for each other. As if it was that easy to make someone change their mind. I think it add a lot to the "no isn't no" idea. Either this trope, or immediately the two person involved things the other is "the one" (but it will still take an eternity for them to be together because otherwise, it would end too soon).

 

Will watch it then. Was reluctant because of fanfic I read about it year ago...needless to say fanfic involved lots of romance and other things. Also I heard it was cut of budget and ended earlier than expected so was

And yeah, finding boring the same line of romance. hate to love. And I think like you, the "no isn't no" is a very problematic thing I am watching more and more. It lines on a very social theme that consent can be changed and nothing is final. That you can keep nagging until the opinion of the person changes. It perpetuates a social and psychological problem and it can end in violence at some cases, which is scary for me.

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9 hours ago, Blake said:

Will watch it then. Was reluctant because of fanfic I read about it year ago...needless to say fanfic involved lots of romance and other things. Also I heard it was cut of budget and ended earlier than expected so was

I'm not sure it was cut earlier but the ending was kinda open and maybe not that satisfying (in general the first 3 seasons are good, season 4 and 5 are less good), so a lot of fans expected a season 6 to fix this. I'm not surprised about the romance part : the amount of youtube videos about Merlin and Arthur being a couple (though they aren't in the show)... a lot of people ship them. And in general, I think people love romance in their fanfictions.

There is a bit of romance in the show of course, but not for the main character.

 

9 hours ago, Blake said:

And yeah, finding boring the same line of romance. hate to love. And I think like you, the "no isn't no" is a very problematic thing I am watching more and more. It lines on a very social theme that consent can be changed and nothing is final. That you can keep nagging until the opinion of the person changes. It perpetuates a social and psychological problem and it can end in violence at some cases, which is scary for me.

Yeah that's what bother me. This is a vey dangerous thought that leads to harrassment, or worse.

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I can deal with it when it adds substance to characters without taking over the plot like in

Spoiler

This one series, Red Queen. The romantic plotlines help provide information on a characters mental state, interesting motivations, and just surprisingly deep analysis for the reader. Take Maven for example. His mother fucked up his brain, and through his obsession with Mare, the limits and effects of her power are explored. Or Evangeline. Her love for Elane led her to do whatever she could for them to be together, and she eventually became a better person for it. Her unpredictability was so interesting. And Mare and Cal shows their self-destructive habits, and their desire for something steady.

But with that exception, I am increasingly frustrated with romantic plotlines. I could not care less about the color of the love interests eyes, especially when the main character is in the middle of fighting an evil tyrant for example.

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I personally find romance interesting... until they get to the romance part!

The figuring everything out, getting closer, and the relationship dynamic can be really lovely. Where it falls flat for me is when there's clearly implied romance or confessions of love. I really like the build-ups, hoping they culminate in something different (for a long time, I didn't understand why I got bored the second romance came in) and getting disappointed when it's just... romantic love again. Anything that is cliche or falls into an undoubtedly romantic line of attraction, however, gets thrown out immediately - I hate sap.

In summary... the closeness? Cool! The romance/looooooove stuff? Nah, not for me.

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I find romantic relationships in stories annoying in other way. For me the biggest part of stories with romantic relationships is simply very bad-written and it makes me to avoid reading them. They’re full of stereotypes with no space for diversity.

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