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PerkyWombat

Breakups With Partners

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Hi guys! I'm new here and just found out that I might be grey-romantic. Recently I broke up with the guy I was "dating" for two years. It wasn't serious dating we sort of just hung out and held hands. When we broke up, I wasn't upset. I didn't cry at all and I got over it in like a day. We decided to stay friends and ended the relationship on good terms. When my friends have broken up with their partners, they were upset for weeks. Was I supposed to be super sad about it? I was wondering if this is normal for aromantics who have dated? 

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I never dated but I think it's normal. It all depends on what you "lost" by breaking-up. Do you lose a lot of things or does friendship feels better for you?

So no, you are not supposed to be super sad about it. Don't invalidate your feelings because other people don't handle things ike you do.

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1 minute ago, nonmerci said:

I never dated but I think it's normal. It all depends on what you "lost" by breaking-up. Do you lose a lot of things or does friendship feels better for you?

So no, you are not supposed to be super sad about it. Don't invalidate your feelings because other people don't handle things ike you do.

I guess I didn't "lose" much breaking-up. Our relationship wasn't serious and we still talk. Thanks for helping me figure things out! :)

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Hiya!

I can only speak to my experiences, which may not reflect the experiences of others, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I was never sad that my relationship ended, in fact I was happy that it ended. I dated a guy for 13 months, and we had a mutual break up. When we did break up, we were still friends for about 2 and half weeks. Then it finally clicked in his head that this was not a break where we are friends for a while to sort some stuff out and eventually get back together. This was a break up and were we never going to get back together. That's when he finally had his heart broken and was upset for months. I would have been upset that I lost a friend, but he was kind of an ass after the heart break hit and I was pissed at him for being an ass. We only started being friends again recently. For reference, we broke up 8 months ago, we didn't start talking again until about a month ago. While he was heart broken, I was happy to be out of a romantic relationship. He is alloromantic, I am aromantic, which I'm pretty sure is why we took the break up differently.

TL;DR I don't think it's weird for an aromantic to not be upset about a break up, but they might be sad that they lost a friend in the process if the break up didn't go well.

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On 9/27/2020 at 9:52 AM, PerkyWombat said:

When we broke up, I wasn't upset. I didn't cry at all and I got over it in like a day

I think that's a pretty normal reaction for an aromantic.

I tried dating a friend for a while, but I hated every aspect of it. I felt trapped, suffocated, and like I had to "perform" the appropriate feelings. When we broke up, all I felt was a profound relief. We tried going back to friendship, but it didn't work, and so I ended up losing my best and only friend. I was deeply sad and mournful for several months before I got over that loss. Never date your best friends! :(

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Omg reading the comments on this felt so validating!

Like everyone said above, you probably didn't lose much in the relationship, and I think it's pretty normal for an aro to feel good about a break up, especially if you were acting like you loved them the whole time (whoops, sorry to my ex). 

I personally felt SO great breaking up with him, but after there was this hole in my life that I didn't have anyone to fill with, but that was a me problem. 

If you feel better about breaking up with them, then you made the right decision. We're all here for you! 💚

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I only had one breakup, but it was pretty much the same as the experiences detailed here.

She went to a concert with somebody else, which lead to rumours going around in school (not that I would have even noticed them, I was/am a huge nerd and totally oblivious to most things going on in school). After some days, she texted me something like "I guess people are saying I cheated on you by going to this concert. I didn't mean to do it, but we should probably break up" to which my response just was "I guess, if you think it's best". I didn't even consider any other response as I couldn't change the outcome, why should I try to convince her about anything?

In the end, I basically took it as the best possible outcome. I didn't have to go through the stress and fallout of breaking up myself and I didn't really think the relationship could have lasted much longer anyway. It might have helped that I had read an article stating what little percentage of first relationships actually survive for a significant amount of time, so I basically went into the relationship thinking "well, let's see how long this lasts" (It didn't even occur to me that isn't how people normally treat romantic relationships)

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