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Holmbo

How are you a bad aro?

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Sometimes one can feel there's one way to be in a community. Are there any ways you feel different or like "you're doing it wrong" about being aro?

(Obviously there's no such thing as a wrong aro but it could be a fun discussion)

Edited by Holmbo

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Am I doing it wrong if I get a bit weirded out by the (apparent) emphasis on "finding a QPP" in some sections of the aro community?

I just want... how do I put this... close friends who'd let me cuddle with them without any serious commitment outside of friendship? and friends in general?

(Granted, I've not been aware of my aro-ness long enough to know much about what the community is like)

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I second the QPP thing. I don't get it. I don't see any difference between how many people describe their ideal QPR and a romantic relationship, and it seems a bit like even around aros I'm still odd for lacking that desire for a committed relationship.

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3 hours ago, Rolo said:

I don't see any difference between how many people describe their ideal QPR and a romantic relationship,

It's funny, because most of the time i can't make the difference between qpr and close friendship 🤷‍♂️ (not saying that qpr is invalid of course, just not a thing i focus on ). 

But yes, i pay almost no mind to qpr because while i respect peoples feelings, qprs and it's importance to peoples, i would simply call it friendship for myself :/ I just think that yeah actually, friends *can* do that too. Personal feelings (even if i DID listen to peoples talk about it. )

Guess there is no "qpr understanding" case in my aro bingo. Which is fine, we all have different relationships !

Edited by Leton.
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I adore umbrella terms like queer and alloaro that are an identity and a community all in one! I also prefer to speak in general sentences like idk "my friend and I are fucking" rather than saying we're friends with benefits or fuckbuddies lmao. So whenever I come across a word that I personally don't find useful I don't really retain it and it's definition. I tend to miss the need for microlabels and new language being used in the aro community, which is a shame tbh bc there's a lot of nuance in that. Language is created and used for a reason. Luckily definitions can be searched up so I might be bad, but I'm not totally irredeemable ;)

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2 hours ago, Leton. said:

It's funny, because most of the time i can't make the difference between qpr and close friendship 🤷‍♂️ (not saying that qpr is invalid of course, just not a thing i focus on ). 

Yeah I get that too. When people are talking about QPRs I'm either thinking "so... you want a romantic relationship under another name" or "so you want a close friend with a fancy label". Each to their own 😄

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1 hour ago, Rolo said:

Yeah I get that too. When people are talking about QPRs I'm either thinking "so... you want a romantic relationship under another name" or "so you want a close friend with a fancy label". Each to their own 😄

As a general rule, i do not like to tell aro in qpr that they "basically have a friendship" or something", as i find it disrespectfull and i don't *have* to understand.  But there is sometime some things surrounding qpr (they have their own "amatonormativity" if it make sense) that i find relevant to say

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I don't have squishes at all.

I can enjoy romance and I even enjoy writing some romantic subplot in my stories (though for some things I feel alienated when I write because I can't relate, like this time when I had to google "how to write a kiss" because I have no idea what it feels like or why people enjoy it).

I am fat, so fall under the "not traditionally attractive enough to have a partner" to dismiss the reasons why I am aromantic.

I'm not invested in things on tumblr and where all the posts about being aro are.

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5 hours ago, Rolo said:

Yeah I get that too. When people are talking about QPRs I'm either thinking "so... you want a romantic relationship under another name" or "so you want a close friend with a fancy label". Each to their own 😄

I think the appeal of QPRs is the exclusivity of it. The whole idea of having your "special someone" to hang out and chill with. That, and I would imagine most people in QPRs wouldn't get into romantic relationships, removing the ever-present fear of losing your BFF because they pay more attention to their romantic partner. That's my theory, anyway. Personally, if I had a close friend who was aro or not interested in relationships, I wouldn't care if it was a QPR or not.

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Ooh, I love the idea of having a crush and getting together with someone, lol! It's the actual relationship part that I really don't want. I adore the butterflies in the stomach and the will-they-won't-they tension and the gossiping with other people about it part. 

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