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arokel

New Here. On the Aro spectrum.

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Hey. Discovered I’m Aromantic and not sure I’m very happy about it. It feels like a pretty lonely revelation, If I’m honest. 

I realised I have issues with “dismissive avoidant” attachment. And while I have dated, albeit minimally... I thought I grew up having crushes on guys and figured I couldn’t be aromantic because of that. Yet, I realised those crushes were never based on any desire to be physical with cuddling, kissing or sex. My crushes were a desire to be very close with that person in a unique friendship sort of way. I do desire a sort of unconventional relationship. I like the idea of a monogamous loyal bond with someone. But the idea of physical and romantic intimacy freaks me out. 

I like the idea of people having a crush on me, but I’d rather they didn’t tell me. I think I’m cupioromantic, I like the idea of romantic love and wish I was capable of it, but once it presents itself as a realistic opportunity to me, I get almost repulsed and weirded out. It’s not in my nature as much as I wish it was. 

How do you guys deal with realising this about yourself? 

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Hi, welcome! 

For me, it was a relieving revelation. I'd always felt insecure about the way I experienced relationships. I could understand them in theory, but whenever I was in one I always felt blank and confused, like I was supposed to feel a certain way, or supposed to want certain things-- but I couldn't make myself feel or want them. Finding the aro label helped me look back and understand that I just... didn't feel or want those things. I didn't have to feel or want them, and I don't have to now. It really helped me find peace with my younger self. 

Personally I don't gel well at all with the idea of a monogamous relationship. I'd like something distant maybe, with a few people, but I don't want anyone tied too close to my life. I'd like having some tight knit friends and being able to rely on them and my relationships with them, but that's as close as I think I'm comfortable getting. 

It's always so interesting to see the diversity in people's experiences, and see how aromanticicm manifests in others' lives! Welcome to the forum, hope to catch you around! :)

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Hi, hope you enjoy being here.

 

I don't know about dealing with it, being aro still gives me some sadness, but generally i just try to look on the bright side of finding the term. I wouldn't be any different not knowing about aromanticism, just a whole lot more confused and dissappointed.

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On 9/14/2020 at 3:15 AM, arokel said:

Hey. Discovered I’m Aromantic and not sure I’m very happy about it. It feels like a pretty lonely revelation, If I’m honest. 

I realised I have issues with “dismissive avoidant” attachment. And while I have dated, albeit minimally... I thought I grew up having crushes on guys and figured I couldn’t be aromantic because of that. Yet, I realised those crushes were never based on any desire to be physical with cuddling, kissing or sex. My crushes were a desire to be very close with that person in a unique friendship sort of way. I do desire a sort of unconventional relationship. I like the idea of a monogamous loyal bond with someone. But the idea of physical and romantic intimacy freaks me out. 

I like the idea of people having a crush on me, but I’d rather they didn’t tell me. I think I’m cupioromantic, I like the idea of romantic love and wish I was capable of it, but once it presents itself as a realistic opportunity to me, I get almost repulsed and weirded out. It’s not in my nature as much as I wish it was. 

How do you guys deal with realising this about yourself? 

Honestly? Educating myself on these labels, and the prejudices on it. That might not be helpful to you, though, so what ever works! (Also, the repulsed after opportunity bit sounds a bit like Lithro, but that might just be me projecting) (also, have some icecream!)

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