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Kalina1528

Are we really just friends? (mixed signals)

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Ok this is surely going to be a long post but I'll try to make it quick, basically I have an account here because I used to identify as aro/ace but I discovered I was just a big gay clinging to heteronormativity (just my case tho), and one of the things that made me realize this that I have a big crush on a friend of mine. And you may think, why tell this to a bunch of people who don't really want anything to do with romance and shit? Well because I know she identifies as aro/ace and although I respect that and even thought she was ace even before she told me mixed signals are a thing and I want your help to know if she is just doing this things because she feels comfortabe knowing I know nothing about those things is romatinc or if there is some shit going on. 

Here are some of the things that got me writing this post:

1.- We roleplay as our favorite queer ships on TV shows, and flirt, a lot. 

2.- We give each other pet names that sometimes are and sometimes aren't related to our roleplays. 

3.- When I go to her house we just chill on her bed playing video games and watching videos and always end up cuddling. 

4.- Once when I left the bed she insisted I went back with her and when I denied her offer she tried to tickle me and ended up just throwing herself over me. 

5.- She stared deeply into my eyes, and slowly approached her hand to my face to boop my nose, I felt akward and looked away, I could swear she looked disappointed (although it might have just been me the one who was disappointed she didn't lean in for a kiss) 

Si what do you think just really good friends or? 

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Without knowing your friend a lot better, it's impossible to say with any certainty. Mixed signals generally require intent, otherwise it's really more of a case of miscommunication (which, can still hurt just as much, but comes from a different source). I can say though it's definitely not uncommon for aro folks to enjoy romantic coded actions, or see certain intimate actions as not being inherently romantic, so it's very much possible your friend thinks of those actions as what she wants out of a close friendship, and feels comfortable with it since you know/accept her aro identity. If you feel like you're being lead on/receiving mixed signals though, I think it's entirely fair to bring it up with your friend. Ask maybe about how she sees the actions, what she wants from the relationship, etc. (But like, without being accusatory/making it an interrogation, since the mixed signals could still be accidental). That would be my take on it anyways, hope you're able to work things out!

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1 is roleplay, not real, messing about and I wouldn't be surprised if she has separate feelings about romance as a concept to play about with to romance with her true self involved

2 is true of plenty of friends, think nicknames for example.

3 is something I have done with multiple friends without the thought of romance.

4 and 5 I am not sure, but could certainly see as something not necessarily romantic. They may be the sort of thing a comfortably romantic couple would do but are not romantic by themselves.

13 hours ago, Autumn said:

Ask maybe about how she sees the actions, what she wants from the relationship, etc.

This is the key, do that, Autumn gives great advice

This forum might help a bit but we don't know enough about you or her to deal with this

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None of that sounds romantic to me, but I'm not her.

It could be that because she knows you know that she is aroace she feels able to behave affectionately and be playful in this way without fear that you will misinterpret it as romantic. I feel far more free to behave in ways which might be perceived as flirty with friends who know I am aroace.

If you want clarification, you will have to ask her.

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